If you have to buy me a gift

Then let this be it.
Anything from here will also be cool. Thanks in advance.

PS - I'm restarting from Season 6, Part 1, Episode 75. I just don't want to see everything at one go. Things like this..you just want it to last.

PPS - And why now? Because I read this today while waiting for a, well, doctor. And talking of which, this bit from the last episode I saw.

In Dr. Melfi's office, Tony laments about people lining up for thrill rides. "They pay money to almost puke." She asks if he's bored. Tony claims he continues to feel that every day is a gift, but "Does it have to be a pair of socks?"

Looking for comedy in the Indian world

Before “Flop Show”, there was “Yeh jo hai zindagi” and before both of them, there was “Baban Prabhu and Yakub Sayed” in the Doordarshan days. There was also “Chaal Nawachi vaachal vasti” and a whole lot of Marathi TV serials and legendary Marathi humorists like PuLa, that half of Raj Thackeray’s party members couldn’t even remember. Just like brothers-with-arms, the Samajwadi Party, wouldn’t know Kaka Hathrasi and Ashok Chakradhar. But I digress.

This post is simply about “What makes you LOL?” I’m talking old-fashioned laugh-out-loud. Not a smile, snicker, or heh, but a hearty laugh. Here’s what made me LOL over the years.

First there was..
The earliest stuff made me LOL were all those TV serials mentioned above. I loved them for the simple, situational comedy of everyday life. In movies, “Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro” and “Chashme Buddoor” had me in complete splits. Video was still new and staple viewing included “Mind Your Language”, the “Lemon Popsicle” and “Carry On” movie series. In comics, I was a huge fan of Beetle Bailey, Graffiti, Hagar the Horrible, The Lockhorns and Moose & Molly. (This was obviously before Mid-day in Bombay started my all-time fav “Calvin and Hobbes”)

I discovered the joys of PG when I enrolled at the British Council Library. Other than Mr. Wodehouse, I read magazines Punch and Private Eye and admired the way the Brits tear their politicians apart. In those cable-less days, we were also lucky to see Brit TV series like the legendary "Yes Minister" and "Yes Prime Minister", “Spitting Image”, “Drop the Dead Donkey” and “Fawlty Towers” on good ol’ Doordarshan. There was also “Different Strokes” but give me those Brit comedies any day.

..Then the nineties
With cable coming in the early nineties, Star TV, in its original avatar, showed some excellent stuff like “MASH”, “Home Improvement” and “The Simpsons”. There was also the brilliant improv show “Whose line is it anyway”. The few days that NBC aired in India, I looked forward to “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno and then “Late night with Conan O’Brien” – quickly coming to prefer Conan to Leno. But NBC shut shop soon deciding that there was no market for an English TV channel in India. It took time for Star TV to agree. (Since then Star has come back with a dedicated English channel, but not NBC).

Later in the 90s, I liked “Friends” for some time but got bored quickly of their self-obsession and sex obsession. An accusation that holds true for just about any American TV series, so it’s only a question of what you can take. So, I took on to “Seinfeld” like crazy. I think it’s the best comedy TV series ever for me. In movies, anything by Zucker-Abrahams was totally LOL’able( “Airplane”, “The Naked Gun” and “Hot Shots” series) and two other landmark comedies of the 90s were “My Cousin Vinny” and “There’s something about Mary”.

The here and now
Cut to present day. I don't think I’m enough. But then, comedy ain’t what it used to be. Political correctness is the order of the day and we take things too seriously. (That’s one reason I enjoy “Curb Your Enthusiasm” – if that’s daily life in the US then it’s more reality than comedy.)

No media house dare make a (comedy) TV series or movie on politics, bureaucracy or the system. Can’t blame them, who’d want their effigies and posters burnt? That sucks so much (just for that hats off to Cyrus Broacha on The Week that Wasn’t). And that’s why I’m a huge fan of “Real Time with Bill Maher”. For the love of God I can’t imagine anyone in Mumbai making fun of either Balu T or Raju T (both of them, ironically, being cartoonists). And I doubt that day would ever come. For example, why has stand-up comedy never taken off in Bombay?

Which means we have to rely mostly on slapstick, parody and risqué humor to run our “Laughter Challenges”. Not that I’ve disliked them. In the past, I’ve enjoyed Raju Srivastav and Sunil Pal much more than any Priyadarshan comedy (barring the first “Hera Pheri”). And I also think Munna-bhai took comedy to a completely different level. But still. There’s only so much that we can come up with. All the laughter shows have become photocopies of each other and I could never stand seeing Sidhu, Shekhar Suman, Mandira Bedi, et al with their over-the-top fake ear-to-ear laughs. The only comedy I enjoy on the Hindi TV channels today is the priceless "Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai". Whoever thought a clash between elitism and middle class-ism could be so hilarious. Ironically, the series has already closed a long time back and what I'm seeing today are re-runs - which are still very funny. 

Finally, the internet. From emails, the fore bearers of the tech funnies, to Facebook wall posts, Orkut scraps and youtube videos, I’ve seen barely a handful of really funny stuff. And now there’s blogs. Even here, I’ve stopped following most of the blogs I found funny for a variety of reasons (Gawker being an exception because he's a class apart).

Hm. Funny. When I want it, it does become difficult to find comedy in my current world.

So, what makes you LOL?

HBO stops Bill Maher podcasts outside US

Update: HBO has resumed podcast downloads for Real Time for listeners outside of the USA, so..er..yay!

I listen regularly to "Real Time with Bill Maher" via HBO's podcasts. A few days back, iTunes started giving an error message which went "Authorization needed to access podcast". (note in the screen-capture below how previous podcasts downloaded without a problem).


Whoo hoo. I thought Apple is at again disallowing lesser mortals from accessing stuff via iTunes (remember, they still don't allow music downloads via iTunes for India). I thought well, you know, it's Apple. What else can you expect? They've still to be pointed out India on the map. But a google search absolved Apple of this.

Yup, because I discovered that this time it's HBO. And guess what, it's not just India on their "oh no you don't" list, it's all the countries outside of the USofA. Check this thread for other users across the non-US world complaining of this. And also check this thread at the Apple discussion forum for something similar.

This kinda stuff defies sense. I mean honestly, we need to call in the Nobel Prize Committee for a new category here. Bring out the Oscars, the Emmys and all the prizes because this kinda global achievement deserves an award.

Seriously, what good does banning a podcast for users outside the US achieve? Do the Einsteins at HBO believe that "Real Time" podcast listeners do not have access to other means of technology that gives them access to - get this - not just the audio, but, hey, the video as well? You know that stuff wherein you can also see the show and not just hear it?

What riles me - as it did about two years back - is when these fruitcakes drive people to alternate methods. Which is what makes that ad which you see before the movie starts, you know the one which goes "Would you steal a car, would you steal a book? then don't go for piracy" look like a bunch of crock.

My own stand on piracy is a bit less liberal than others, i.e. I do believe in paying for content. If there was an iTunes for India, I would have paid to download music. But at this rate, what options do I have? You want to deprive me of my music, of my podcasts, of latest seasons on my TV series (remember all English TV channels in India are running more than a year behind of current seasons across all popular shows)? And you expect me to twiddle my thumbs till then? Yeah right.

See, there's a limit. There is a limit to which you can put those patronizing error messages on my computer screen. There is a limit to which you tell me that your is not available in my country.

Because guess what, M/s HBO and M/S Apple, and this will come as a surprise to you, there is something called the Internet. And hey, did you know it connects people to people. And - oh, this will blow you - it actually allows people to share things? So, if you think I'm not good enough for your content, then I guess I'll just have to find someone who does. And while you're figuring that out, please give my regards to the dinosaurs.

Recommendations invited

For DVD viewing, movie and TV series included. After the wonderful recommendations by everyone in this post here, we saw the following

(1) Lost - Awesome. Loved it. We watched all 3 seasons in the span of a month, and just freaked on the series. Mind-boggling, mind-bending and I still can't get myself to like Michael for killing Ana Lucia and Libby. Just like I can't stop catching all those tags that Sawyer keeps throwing around. I'd do anything to find out whose funeral it was that Jack (in the future) almost attends, but I'm willing to wait till season #4 begins out here in India.

(2) The 4400 - Very good, but somehow it didn't engage me as much as Heroes. Seemed to be just a bit slow, although the concept was brilliant. Or perhaps I'm getting weary of the save-the-world thing. But I will surely watch Season #3 and 4 whenever it's out here on DVD. Bit surprising that the series was canceled after that.

Now, these are the series recommended (to me in the comments of that post) that make my DVD library-wallahs go all "Duh?" when I ask him for them

(a) Dexter
(b) McGoohan's The Prisoner
(c) Veronica Mars

As far as movies go, I haven't seen even one DVD that I can recall as excellent or even just damn good. The last one was Mr. Brooks.

So, whoever is out there, please let me know if you've seen something good, TV series or movie. Thank you.

Cazzata Malanga

Finally. Season 6, part 1 is available here on DVD. The Family is back.

Now, back to the fading year, see you on the other side.

Why I prefer TV series

One of the reasons I dumped movie lists was because I was seeing just too many so-so and so-no movies. Big stars, or big directors, weren’t enough to guarantee a good movie experience. While the path to any great movie is strewn with lemons, I think I was seeing too much of mediocrity to justify my DVD subscription. Some movies meandered their way through meaninglessly as if to justify their big stars, some had wafer-thin plots relying either on their big stars on heavy special effects. To my own horror, I was forwarding some movies just to get it over with.

Then I discovered TV serials. And now, I am in no doubt when I say that if you’re looking for a sustained stream of good quality entertainment, you must consider watching TV series. One season of a TV series typically has five to six DVDs with each DVD containing about four episodes, each of just about an hour. I'd typically watch one to two DVDs every weekend and finish off one series in a month.

In terms of production values, TV series (and here I’m referring only to American ones, although I think there’s much in the British counterparts that I should be seeing) have matched, if not surpassed, big studio Hollywood movies. In terms of genres, the series span the entire gamut of drama, action, comedy, suspense, crime, etc. In terms of stories, scripts and plots, it's evident that TV series have come a long, long way from the LA Law, Ally McBeal, Picket Fences and X-Files days.

In some ways I think this is a larger reflection and an expression of America and its residents in this new post 9/11 world. I admire the way the American TV channels have expressed this via the entertainment industry. A phenomenon which we in India have yet to see, at least in a big way (an issue I touched upon in an early post here). I’d give anything for an ad-free HBO out here, but I doubt it'll ever happen.

Moving on, here’s what I’ve watched in the last one year. All the TV series below comprise one story running throughout the season, unlike say an episodic series like CSI where each episode revolves around one story. Personally I prefer the one-story-one-season format because I get hooked to it for a month.

1. 24 – Call it a neocon dream or liberal nightmare (switch that?), but I’m an unabashed fan of Jack Bauer. Purely in terms of thrills, twists and turns, 24 smokes just about every so-called “action” movie I’ve seen lately. There’s also this carefree abandon with which they kill just about every key character in the plot. Just when you’re endearing yourself to someone, he gets blown up by a car bomb, shot in the throat or gassed to death. No sentimentality or emotion, just pop off the good guys and make it tougher and tougher for Jack Bauer to win. Sure, the plots stretch your imagination to the point of incredulity, but it doesn’t matter because there’s enough to keep you gripped.

I think Season 4 was the best while Season 5 was a bit of a let-down. I’m waiting for the release of Season 6 DVD, and no I won’t download and see it. In India, AXN has shown 24 but, not surprisingly, the series never really took off here. (Also read this superb New Yorker piece on the politics of Joel Surnow, the man behind 24)

2. The Sopranos – I thank my good friend Purush for pointing me to this one. I have no doubt that it’s the best TV series I’ve watched till now. For something that I thought was “just about a mob boss”, I just loved the experience of seeing how the series was much, much more. It has a cult following in the US and rightly so. The script and the storylines are brilliant, the performances of the finely-etched characters are superb. Some of the action can get gory (well, it is about the Mafia), but there’s enough on the dialogues to keep you riveted and entertained – and I mean funny too.

Then there’s the all the symbolic stuff that I could never get, and then never get enough of. But you have to see the series. This is television at its best. I hope they never make a movie of out of it. I’ve seen the series till Season 5 and I’m waiting for Season 6, also the last of this path-breaking series.

3. Heroes – A.k.a. how the left sees 24. Not every hero needs is alone or resort to torture and maim because he has only a few hours to save the world. Nopes. But yes, the world is coming to an end thanks to the greed for power. In this case, greed for superpowers. Oh come on, don’t we all love good v/s evil? After all – and pardon the cliché – we’re all heroes in our own way. Some of us can create fire, others can re-generate, some can read others thoughts, talk with machines, move in time…. And that’s only a few of them.

Update - I've now also watched 4. Lost and 5. The 4400 after the kind comments from readers below. Thank you.

Besides the cutting-edge special effects, what I loved was that the episodes never fawned over individual heroes (and hence their powers), thanks to which the plot and the story was always central. I admire NBC’s (which airs Heroes) reply to Fox (which aired 24), if only because the viewer is the winner. I’ve seen Season 1 on DVD and am waiting for #2, which already began in the US some time back.

I’ve also seen Season 1 of "The Wire" (Purush, thanks again for this) which was also excellent, even if a bit too US-specific for my likes. And there’s of course the magnificent "Seinfeld" and its co-creators tribute to foul behavior "Curb Your Enthusiasm". After seeing all of these, I'm convinced that TV series remain a much more enjoyable option, than movies, to regular weekend DVD viewing.

So, seen any of these? Have any favs of your own? Love to hear from you.

Where Seinfeld at

This wonderfully long NYT weekend article informs us that Mr. Jerry Seinfeld was working on "Bee Movie". Which is a movie about bees. Just like his show was about nothing, but then you already knew that.

I was a convert to his show. First time I saw it, I couldn't understand what the big hoo-ha was about. Today, I've got seven seasons on DVD and plan on getting the remaining two. Like other fans, I just loved the scripts and the characters (that one long post on Seinfeld lies with those other one long posts that never made it to the "Publish" click; and I'm just not into those linking-to-Seinfeld-scripts and going I-know-what-that-feels or OMG-I-lurve-it). I also admire the man for pulling the plug on the serial.

Superb article (and reading it on the Times Reader is so much better than on a browser.) Parts I liked was about how no one - self, obviously, included - really knew what Seinfelf was up to. The general impression was that he was in an exile of his own design.

Nor can Mr. Seinfeld understand why the industry seems to believe he has spent his post-sitcom career in a cushy exile of his own design, when he continues to appear at clubs and theaters as much as possible. “That’s what I do,” he said. “That’s all I can do. That’s what a comedian is. Our thing is not disappearing into other characters. It’s being this character that you are.”

Friends who have known Mr. Seinfeld for years say that he has always been sharply attuned to the fitness of his stand-up act, and eager to perform it no matter what else was occupying him in his personal or professional life.

“When he wasn’t out there for a period of time, he would start to get antsy and feel like he was losing his edge,” said Larry David, the co-creator of “Seinfeld” and star of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” “The phrase he would use was ‘out of shape.’ I never looked at it like that.”

That Mr. Seinfeld has, since 1999, been married to the former Jessica Sklar, the founder of the charitable organization Baby Buggy, and has a 6-year-old daughter, Sascha, and two sons, Julian, 4, and Shepherd, 2, does not seem to have diminished his fervor for hitting the road.

(I'm also a big fan of Larry David's "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Seen it?). Given his perceived anonymity to the world at large, its not surprising that this is being seen as his comeback movie. I'm not sure it is, but how can you not get that reaction? Maker of hugely famous TV series goes back to stand-ups for years and is now doing a movie. Its Seinfeld and he's worked on the movie for 3-4 years. It's not about nothing. Its about bees. Can't wait to see it.

Meanwhile, read the article. Thats what weekends are for. Sinking into nice reading stuff that makes you come out saying hey, that was good.

So, found anything that you liked?

Its dancing time again

Just half an hour into the season premiere and I think "Jhalak Dikhlaja" (JD) has just wiped the floor with "Nach Baliye 3" (NB3's) backside. Unless JD messes up big time from here, I think there's no reason for me to tune into NB3 any more. Here's why I prefer JD.

Big judges. Last year it was Shilpa Shetty (in the pre-Big Brother days of course), Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Farah Khan. That was always going to be a tough act to follow, but they've almost matched it with Jeetendra, Urmila and Shiamak. These three, purely in terms of star value, just smoke that random lot in NB3 (Isha K, David Dhawan and Vaibhavi Merchant).

I think in the last one year, all of us viewers have gotten used to gushing judges overflowing and OD-ing and that one judge who just has to get rude if only to wipe the smile off everyone, just for impact. Like today's NB3 episode where all three judges ganged up on the first couple (I forget their names but yes, they were bad), called their performance pathetic, predictable, lazy, etc. etc. Only for the same three judges to all but run in tears to the next couple who - get this - forgot their steps mid-way through their performance. So, whose worse? A couple who danced bad or a couple who forgot their steps?

Big participants. See, the thing that connects me to these kinda shows is to see celebs struggling to do something. And they have to struggle harder than us ordinary janta on the Indian Idols and Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, etc. Ten left feet, for sure. JD has twelve diverse couples which include host Mini Mathur, Mir Ranjan Negi, Cyrus Broacha, Sonali Kulkarni, Aadesh Srivastav and a whole load of others. They might not be top-tier celebs, but they're just a very lively lot of people, most of whom I've neither seen acting or dancing. Reminds me last year of pro chef Sanjiv Kapoor and maverick director Mahesh Manjrekar who almost made it to the end. Those were the kind of people who make you tune in, if only to see what they're going to do next or because you're rooting for them as the underdogs.

And NB3? We have item girls Rakhi Sawant and Kashmira Shah (cashing in quite obviously to their rivalry on Big Bosss which was ironically aired on Sony TV - the channel airing JD), ohh-Lolita Shakti Kapoor and an entire truck-load of TV actors and actresses. Sorry, I can't quite identify with this lot, maybe because I know that almost all of them have some experience on the big screen or small screen. Maybe I'm not being fair but whatever.

The hosts on both shows are equally good and bad. While last year winner Husain (on NB3) looks comfortable (and experienced what with his recent Indian Idol stint), his wife Tina is just plain bad. Over at JD, last-year winner Mona Singh - her first time hosting a show, I think - is quite warm and enthu and almost seems a natural, while Rohit Roy should stick to flop movies.

Now, here's the thing. Star Plus (the channel that airs NB3) obviously knew they have a relatively weak line-up. So how do they compensate for that? Pitch the show as "Ye nach nahi aasaan." Oh ya. Read that to mean loads of drama, loads of "turns and twists", bucket-loads of tears on stage, judges being extra rude, etc. Recall that in the first season of NB, participating couple Varun and Rajeshwari had literally stopped midway in a crucial round, saying they - get this - blanked out. In season two, last year they had a round where fellow participants had to vote to bump off a pair off the show. Oh, and also watch out for scoops and scandals on sets to reach newspapers to keep interest in the show alive (although I think even JD might indulge in that).

Like I'd said last year, we all love underdogs. We root for them, sympathise for them, laugh, cry and enjoy with them. And of course, vote for them. We mock their falls, and wish for their recoveries. They have to slog for our love and bear with our fickle affections.

Right now, I don't feel a thing for anyone at NB3. While JD...whoa..hang on, what's this? Sudha Chandran dancing on Naughty, Naughty? Yep, aye gori, jara nach ki dikha, jara thumka laga. Now, we're talking, now we're dancing.

Baliye can keep nach-ing where they are, because I'm going to see more of the Jhalak I just saw.

I heard a rumour

Over at Mid-day, Nandita Puri recalls her actor friend telling her "weeks in advance" that Mona Singh would win Jhalak Dikhlaja because Sony (the channel airing the show) wanted to give Ms. Singh a new, slicker look as against the nerdy Jassi.

And suddenly everything falls into place for the columnist. Everything, meaning all the timed and sustained negative publicity on Shveta Salve. These include news leaks that Shveta is a professional dancer, that she is arrogant and that she refused to part with 20% of prize money to her choreographer.

So here's the deal. The entire show was rigged to relaunch Mona Singh. And all those bechara other seven celebs had no idea they'd be booted out after each and every round. Or hang on, were they paid off ? You know, take the hit, get bumped off, for the larger cause of, er, the relaunch of Mona Singh?

Coincidentally at Nach Baliye2, drama reaches a new high with Manav and Shweta being accused of distributing SIM cards to friends and family to vote for them. A year earlier, the same show had Varun and Rajeshwari randomly stopping their dance mid-way in the finals due to stress, rumouredly so that the Pilgaonkars could win.

Yawn.

Someone at the channels and a whole lotta people at the press are having a field day. Anything goes, be it conspiracy theory, rumours or gossip. Get those TRPs up and justify those ad rates boss.

I doubt we'll ever know the truth. I couldn't care less and, in fact, I couldn't even see the final. To be frank, I wasn't really hanging by a thread to see who won. Sure I was rooting for Mona, I mean duh, who wasn't ? And even if Shveta had won, I wouldn't exactly go on a hunger strike.

The point is - the show had a nice format. I had fun watching celebrities goofing up their steps, then getting voted out sans excessive drama (except for Akashdeep who probably OD'ed but what the heck), rona-dhona, etc. etc.

So it was all rigged ? Whatever. What's next ? Bakhtyar and Tanaaz being caught (after winning NB2 of course) as having taken performance-enhancing drugs before every round of NB2? Now, we're talking.

Dance little celeb dance

There’s something about dancing in front of everyone that evokes fear in most of us. And everyone loves an underdog. So we’re bound to root for some goofball fumbling over ten left feet to dance on TV. Even if that goofball’s one of India’s best chefs or a film director or a cricket star or an actress of yore. Even if that goofball is trained by some choreographer who also dances with said goofball on the show.

On the other hand, a bunch of TV serial stars and starlets doing the same thing (sans choreographer on stage) doesn’t quite evoke the same enthu, does it ? Come on, we know they’ve trained. They’re actors, trained professionals. Surely they can dance. They’re paid to do that. And hey, their show's a sequel; sequels tend to..you know like...suck – we all know that.

That's probably why I’m enjoying Jhalak Dikhlaja (JD) on Sony TV more than Nach Baliye 2 (NB2) on Star One.

Both shows are named after hit songs. Both shows have celebrity (or at least vaguely well-known) couples dancing for top slot. Both shows have three judges – one choreographer, one film director and one..well..item girl.

Both shows require you to vote for your participant couple to keep them in the contest. Both shows have one couple eliminated each week. Both shows make such a song-and-dance (er, pun not intended) when a couple is thrown out, you’d almost fling your remote at your TV.

Neither of the shows are masterpieces. Both are benefiting like hell from the continuing ridiculous ban on Star Movies and HBO.

As for the hosts of the shows, I thought Parmeet Sethi and Archana were awful…till I saw the Pilgaonkars, Sachin and Supriya. Dude, forget that remote and hand me that flower vase.


But there’s something to watching an awkward Pooja Bedi/Rati Agnihotri/Sanjeev Kapoor/Ajay Jadeja/Akashdeep/Mahesh Manjrekar/Mona Singh/Shweta Salve on JD. By the way – the first three have already been eliminated and that list is my own guess on who will get eliminated in the coming rounds leaving the graceful (and hot!) Ms. Salve as the winner. Ok, ok she’s got an edge being – as above – a TV serial actress. But I think she also has bit of competition from the other - albeit heavier and hence underdog types - Jassi.

And if ever there was a graceful acceptance speech on exit, it had to be of dear old chef Sanjeev Kapoor who said "I came here just so I could learn to dance. So that I can now dance with my wife". Awww, indeed. Hankies ahoy.


On the other hand, I have no idea who the couples on NB2 are. Hell, you can’t make out a Kusum from a Kum Kum from a Kesariya Vilayati how the hell would I know who's who among those 10 couples ? But I can tell you, that Bhaktyaar and Tanaaz are bound to win the contest just for their histrionics (are they on a caffeine/coke drip?) . Besides I read that they’ve trained under Shiamak Davar – which is a bit unfair on the other contestants. There’s also that earlier hangover of a conspiracy theory on Varun and Rajeshwari Badola’s “faked departure” on NB1.

Both shows also suffer a range of clichés mouthed by all the judges as follows
“Your expressions were wonderful, but hand/feet movements can improve”

“You look great as a couple, but you need to work on your co-ordination”

“You put so much joy in your dance, but you need to choose the right song for the samba/cha-cha/disco”

“You chose the right song for today’s show, but somehow I preferred your last performance”

“You know when I choreographed this song, I never knew it can be done in the manner you did”

“I love you and I really want to see you go into the next round so please work on your steps”

“Your dances are so full of enthusiasm and joy and happiness; but there is room for improvement”

The only exception I can say is Saroj Khan in Nach Baliye. That woman can be lethal and I wonder what she’d have reduced someone like Sanjeev Kapoor to on JD. Aside: I firmly think the role of Iffat Bibi in that utterly fantastic Sacred Games was made solely for her. End of aside.

The other judges on both the shows are pretty much yawn. Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s (on JD), gushes are a bit much and Kunal Kohli (on NB2) – man, who chose him ? how can someone who inflicted Fanaa on an unsuspecting populace be allowed to roam freely ? and that too judge others ? Isn’t there a law somewhere?

Except of course Malaika Arora on NB2 and Shilpa Shetty on JD. But I mean, come on, you’re not really interested in the marks they give, right ? They’d be 10 out of 10 on our scales anyways.

Finally, there’s something about these “reality shows” isn’t it ? Although technically, these could be called reverse reality shows since there are celebs involved, as against stuff like Indian Idol and Sa-re-ga-ma-pa which have our hidden ne talented Heemesh-bhais enjoying their 15 seconds of fame.

Thing is, we like celebs to face the heat sometime. Hell, they better dance well to get my vote, and I don’t care a damn if he scored a ton in that match. But come on, he’s also a chef….she’s really plump but she’s at least making effort na..…saala, ekdum dhinchaak jhakaas nachta hai, tapori-style…

In the end, I guess we’re a kind, forgiving audience. So, even as we’ve forgotten the time they dragged us out of the party when we were inflicting a brilliant (albeit drunk and loutish ?) efforts on “Goli maar bheje mein..dishkao..bheja shor karta hai” , we're forgiving the screw-ups of a bunch of gauche celebs trying to dance.

Probably a case of people like us getting even with people like them.

Fit for a prince

A five-year old kid, named Prince, gets stuck in a 50-feet ditch in Kurukshetra (Haryana) on Friday night and is rescued by Sunday evening - when he also turns six-years old.

Most TV channels largely ignore it on Saturday. But come Sunday, families all over India gather around the TV and get treated to a gut-wrenching, emotional overdose of gigantic proportions that would make Karan Johar, Yashraj and the Barjatyas cringe in misery and go green in envy.

You think I’m ODing? Check out these prize-winning captions thought of by the news channels that ran this saga for an entire day.

• Dharti maan ki god se, sena ki god mein, maa ki god tak
• Prince ka dhairya, sena ki himmat, maa ki mamta, Zee News ki muhim rang layi
• Prince ne di maut ko maat, Saare desh mein khushi ki lehar
• Prince ko zindagi, zindagi ka prince (followed by waah !)

Incidentally, these captions were brushing shoulders with ads for Khufiya underwear, Tope Klass Koaching klasses and GMD Salia (brand names concealed on grounds of confidentiality).

And the press today ?

Headline on TOI (also kind enough to allot 90% of front page space for this news) – “Li’l Prince is born again”. Text then reads - “When Prince Kumar rode out of the black hole in a crane at 7.47 pm on Sunday, the applause was something Zinedine Zidane might have got if he had won the World Cup for France. The four-year-old’s homecoming signalled the end of a human drama that had kept the nation engrossed during the weekend and turned him into India’s most heart-tugging kid.”

Headline on Mumbai Mirror with photo– "Prince wins battle of Kurukshetra"

Headline on HT Junior, borrowing from TOI - "Little Prince is reborn on his sixth birthday"

Also check this google search for international press coverage of this "gripping event"

Of course, the Haryana Chief Minister chipped in his bit by announcing a grant of Rs2lakh for Prince.

Finally, this SMS received by a TV channel stood out in stark contradiction to all the duas and prathanas for Prince’s rescue. It read “What do I have to do to get free education in India ? fall in a ditch?”