Mid-day introduces Mid-day Mate

No, I didn't say that. But guess who did here in this para below

Competition is forcing once-staid publications to spice up their content. Mumbai's Midday tabloid has introduced a bikini-clad version of Britain's topless “page-three girls”, called the “Midday mate”. Most broadsheets offer similar enticements in colourful “entertainment” sections full of Bollywood stars.

Yes, focus on the second sentence if you will.

Mumbai's Midday tabloid has introduced a bikini-clad version of Britain's topless “page-three girls”, called the “Midday mate”.

Introduced ? What does introduce mean ? Merriam Webster defines it as

1 : to lead or bring in especially for the first time

The Economist stands guilty as charged. Guilty of not getting its facts right in this article (paid registration required) which appeared in a recent issue (15th Feb 2007).

I've been seeing the Mid-day Mate since 1989 (i.e. about 20 years back). Any self-respecting Mumbaikar knows that the Mid-day mate is nothing short of an institution. And its been around for ages and ages. I don't have the exact number. Do a google search if you want, you might find something. In an old post, Rashmi Bansal even ascribes Mid-day's growth in the past to this institution.

I mean, people have grown up on that one box on page 3. Carefully cut-out collections have been made, traded, envied, pursued by despots. And now, you're telling me that Mid-day has just introduced it ? I say ghanta.

The only thing that disappoints me more than the Economist's carelessness, is that the blogosphere seems to have largely ignored (save for the good Sans Serif who has correctly fisked the article for even more factual errors) this blasphemy. Sheesh.

Salon.com's movies for the holiday season

(Update - Oops...inputs from fellow bloggers and my own enquiry indicate that these DVDs have not yet reached our shores, so for this post, these are movies to look out for in 2007!)

From Salon.com's “Beyond the Multiplex” comes their recommended movies to watch this holiday season. I browsed through the movies and I think they’re all definitely worth a watch.

1. Pan’s Labyrinth – It's called an "adult fairy tale" and a "true fairy tale". Salon.com also warns parents not to take their kids for this movie for the hols season. Incidentally the movie features a kingdom underneath a gnarled tree with a giant king toad with loads of millipedes. And yes, this is from Guillermo del Toro, whose earlier movies include Hellboy and Blade II. This is the official website of the movie which gets a high 97% rating from Rotten Tomatoes.

2. Curse of the Golden Flower – Chow Yun Fat, Gong Li. And Zhang Yimou. Oh come on now, don’t ask for more (perhaps Michelle Yeoh?). If you liked Hero and House of Flying Daggers, there’s a good chance you will like this. Like those movies, this is also a period piece and like those this will also feature some scintillating cinematography and special effects. However, both those things can also get a bit much, especially if the movie is a bit slow. Elaborate official movie website here, but be warned it gets a low TMR of 55%.

3. Perfume: The Story of a murder – Just the plot is reason enough to watch, but then there’s also the fact that it is directed by Tom Tykwer (Run Lola Run). This murder mystery is about a serial killer with an acute sense of smell who kills women to distill and bottle their essence. How do you capture smell in a movie ? Exactly. Movie’s superb website here. TMR Rating of 83%.

4. The Dead Girl – Pair this movie with Perfume above and I think you’ve got an ideal movie weekend for manic depressives. This movie, consists of five shorter mini-films all focused on, well, a dead woman. Bleak and most probably depressing. I couldn’t recognise Toni Collette in the trailer because the happy, fat underdog of Muriel’s Wedding seems to have had a real extreme makeover. Movie’s intriguing website here. TMR Rating of 67%.

5. The Tiger and the Snow – If you didn’t like the above two bleak movies, then here’s something more conventional, something more romantic. And it’s also got the bubbly Roberto Benigni of “Life is Beautiful”, who has now shifted himself from Nazi concentration camps to Iraq. I think I’ll give this a skip. No official website that I could find and no TMR Rating as yet, but they do have a page here.


Do let me know if you've seen any of these movies. I look forward to seeing them whenever they come to my friendly, neighborhood DVD-wallah.

Economic Times - how much lower now ?

Mishti is kind enough to guest on my blog today.

He writes on the latest hoo-ha, courtesy the Slimes/Crimes Group whose publication, the Economic Times (ET), recently carried a so-called smooch between Kiran Majumdar Shaw (of Biocon) and Vasundhara Raje Scindia (Rajasthan Chief Minister) on their front page. Needless to say, that photo created the required controversy.

If that photo wasn't stupid enough, they've stooped even lower by the apoplectic fit of self-righteousness they raised in this column carried on their yellow rags today.

Over to Mishti who, also angry at the ET, has written this piece below. Comments welcome.

*****

The Times of India group every day sets lower and lower standards in journalism (if you call it that for the lack of any other more appropriate word) and never tires of its sick holier than thou attitude. One example was recently pointed out by Amelia Gentleman, a columnist at the International Herald Tribune.

The ToI group has this smartly designed logo (I must give credit where it is due - ToI groups ads and logos etc are smart; after all it is a marketing juggernaut and nothing about journalism) called " The Global Indian Takeover", which in a celebratory mood it appends to any and every article. Do not know which moron decided which article it should get appended to, but apparently last week it got appended to an article on a girl of Indian origin winning the Miss UK title (pointed out by the IHT columnist) . Someone out there is in a desperate need to have his/ her head examined.

Economic Times believes it is a financial newspaper just because it aped the colors of Financial Times many years back (called it salmon pink, I remember, although I am yet to see a salmon on my plate of that color. I have a suggestion - they should change the color to yellow). In recent times ETs budget coverage has been especially deplorable especially for the visuals that they use. It suffers from an identity crisis as it tries to ape its sister publication Bombay Times.

But I am digressing. What takes the cake is today's article "Much ado about...." on page 3 of The Economic times. This is on the picture of Rajasthan's CM and Biocon's CMD air-kissing each other, with the camera angle being such which invited a lot of comment and some called it obscene.

ET felt that the politicians and Hindi TV channels are bereft of ideas (true for once, but it forgets that it itself false into the same category) and hence, debated on what was just another picture. Fair enough. But ET with all its sagacity and wisdom, decided to devote a couple of columns to it, after having published the picture the previous day. It castigated the TV channels and the politicians for starting a debate on the photograph.

And in its holier than thou attitude, ET went on to say "At ET, we had carried the picture in good faith, without any intention of hurting the sentiments of both Ms Raje and Ms Shaw. In our wall-to-wall coverage of the World Economic Forum, this is one of the few pictures we felt deserved to be carried." Good faith, ha, ha, ha.

Will the ET editor (if there is one, because the Jain's do not believe in editorial content or freedom or how can a newspaper have two viewpoints on an editorial subject matter on the same day) please clarify why "this one is one of the few pictures" that deserved to be carried? Were they the two most important personalities gracing the occasion at WEF on that day? Did they make some major news by what they had to say on that day? I do not remember ET mentioning anything about what they said in ETs "wall to wall" coverage!

ETs stooping does not end there. It also says, "As readers of ET know, air-kissing is a common phenomenon at corporate dos and high-society parties." ETs readers are indeed a wise lot. Other poor souls who do not have the benefit of reading ET do not know such social niceties.

Unfortunately (I believe) the ABP group (erstwhile owners of Business Standard) did not show its marketing acumen with Business Standard the way they showed with The Telegraph in Kolkata and T N Ninan unfortunately never had the backing of the financial muscle power of the Bennet Coleman group. BS would have punched ET if only FDI in newspapers and journals was allowed.

Guess which votary and champion of reforms puts out editorials against FDI in newspapers? No prizes for guessing - it is the venerable publications from the ToI group, which are so keen to protect their turf. Of course, their editorials are full of righteous indignation against Bombay Club and any whiff of protectionism in any other sector. Hopefully HT in association with WSJ will launch a paper which will tell us something more about business, companies and sectors rather than tell us what kind of kissing is a common phenomena at what dos. That I must admit can be safely left to ET, Bombay Times, Mumbai Mirror and of course, the one and only Times of India.

*****

I heard a rumour

Over at Mid-day, Nandita Puri recalls her actor friend telling her "weeks in advance" that Mona Singh would win Jhalak Dikhlaja because Sony (the channel airing the show) wanted to give Ms. Singh a new, slicker look as against the nerdy Jassi.

And suddenly everything falls into place for the columnist. Everything, meaning all the timed and sustained negative publicity on Shveta Salve. These include news leaks that Shveta is a professional dancer, that she is arrogant and that she refused to part with 20% of prize money to her choreographer.

So here's the deal. The entire show was rigged to relaunch Mona Singh. And all those bechara other seven celebs had no idea they'd be booted out after each and every round. Or hang on, were they paid off ? You know, take the hit, get bumped off, for the larger cause of, er, the relaunch of Mona Singh?

Coincidentally at Nach Baliye2, drama reaches a new high with Manav and Shweta being accused of distributing SIM cards to friends and family to vote for them. A year earlier, the same show had Varun and Rajeshwari randomly stopping their dance mid-way in the finals due to stress, rumouredly so that the Pilgaonkars could win.

Yawn.

Someone at the channels and a whole lotta people at the press are having a field day. Anything goes, be it conspiracy theory, rumours or gossip. Get those TRPs up and justify those ad rates boss.

I doubt we'll ever know the truth. I couldn't care less and, in fact, I couldn't even see the final. To be frank, I wasn't really hanging by a thread to see who won. Sure I was rooting for Mona, I mean duh, who wasn't ? And even if Shveta had won, I wouldn't exactly go on a hunger strike.

The point is - the show had a nice format. I had fun watching celebrities goofing up their steps, then getting voted out sans excessive drama (except for Akashdeep who probably OD'ed but what the heck), rona-dhona, etc. etc.

So it was all rigged ? Whatever. What's next ? Bakhtyar and Tanaaz being caught (after winning NB2 of course) as having taken performance-enhancing drugs before every round of NB2? Now, we're talking.

Dance little celeb dance

There’s something about dancing in front of everyone that evokes fear in most of us. And everyone loves an underdog. So we’re bound to root for some goofball fumbling over ten left feet to dance on TV. Even if that goofball’s one of India’s best chefs or a film director or a cricket star or an actress of yore. Even if that goofball is trained by some choreographer who also dances with said goofball on the show.

On the other hand, a bunch of TV serial stars and starlets doing the same thing (sans choreographer on stage) doesn’t quite evoke the same enthu, does it ? Come on, we know they’ve trained. They’re actors, trained professionals. Surely they can dance. They’re paid to do that. And hey, their show's a sequel; sequels tend to..you know like...suck – we all know that.

That's probably why I’m enjoying Jhalak Dikhlaja (JD) on Sony TV more than Nach Baliye 2 (NB2) on Star One.

Both shows are named after hit songs. Both shows have celebrity (or at least vaguely well-known) couples dancing for top slot. Both shows have three judges – one choreographer, one film director and one..well..item girl.

Both shows require you to vote for your participant couple to keep them in the contest. Both shows have one couple eliminated each week. Both shows make such a song-and-dance (er, pun not intended) when a couple is thrown out, you’d almost fling your remote at your TV.

Neither of the shows are masterpieces. Both are benefiting like hell from the continuing ridiculous ban on Star Movies and HBO.

As for the hosts of the shows, I thought Parmeet Sethi and Archana were awful…till I saw the Pilgaonkars, Sachin and Supriya. Dude, forget that remote and hand me that flower vase.


But there’s something to watching an awkward Pooja Bedi/Rati Agnihotri/Sanjeev Kapoor/Ajay Jadeja/Akashdeep/Mahesh Manjrekar/Mona Singh/Shweta Salve on JD. By the way – the first three have already been eliminated and that list is my own guess on who will get eliminated in the coming rounds leaving the graceful (and hot!) Ms. Salve as the winner. Ok, ok she’s got an edge being – as above – a TV serial actress. But I think she also has bit of competition from the other - albeit heavier and hence underdog types - Jassi.

And if ever there was a graceful acceptance speech on exit, it had to be of dear old chef Sanjeev Kapoor who said "I came here just so I could learn to dance. So that I can now dance with my wife". Awww, indeed. Hankies ahoy.


On the other hand, I have no idea who the couples on NB2 are. Hell, you can’t make out a Kusum from a Kum Kum from a Kesariya Vilayati how the hell would I know who's who among those 10 couples ? But I can tell you, that Bhaktyaar and Tanaaz are bound to win the contest just for their histrionics (are they on a caffeine/coke drip?) . Besides I read that they’ve trained under Shiamak Davar – which is a bit unfair on the other contestants. There’s also that earlier hangover of a conspiracy theory on Varun and Rajeshwari Badola’s “faked departure” on NB1.

Both shows also suffer a range of clichés mouthed by all the judges as follows
“Your expressions were wonderful, but hand/feet movements can improve”

“You look great as a couple, but you need to work on your co-ordination”

“You put so much joy in your dance, but you need to choose the right song for the samba/cha-cha/disco”

“You chose the right song for today’s show, but somehow I preferred your last performance”

“You know when I choreographed this song, I never knew it can be done in the manner you did”

“I love you and I really want to see you go into the next round so please work on your steps”

“Your dances are so full of enthusiasm and joy and happiness; but there is room for improvement”

The only exception I can say is Saroj Khan in Nach Baliye. That woman can be lethal and I wonder what she’d have reduced someone like Sanjeev Kapoor to on JD. Aside: I firmly think the role of Iffat Bibi in that utterly fantastic Sacred Games was made solely for her. End of aside.

The other judges on both the shows are pretty much yawn. Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s (on JD), gushes are a bit much and Kunal Kohli (on NB2) – man, who chose him ? how can someone who inflicted Fanaa on an unsuspecting populace be allowed to roam freely ? and that too judge others ? Isn’t there a law somewhere?

Except of course Malaika Arora on NB2 and Shilpa Shetty on JD. But I mean, come on, you’re not really interested in the marks they give, right ? They’d be 10 out of 10 on our scales anyways.

Finally, there’s something about these “reality shows” isn’t it ? Although technically, these could be called reverse reality shows since there are celebs involved, as against stuff like Indian Idol and Sa-re-ga-ma-pa which have our hidden ne talented Heemesh-bhais enjoying their 15 seconds of fame.

Thing is, we like celebs to face the heat sometime. Hell, they better dance well to get my vote, and I don’t care a damn if he scored a ton in that match. But come on, he’s also a chef….she’s really plump but she’s at least making effort na..…saala, ekdum dhinchaak jhakaas nachta hai, tapori-style…

In the end, I guess we’re a kind, forgiving audience. So, even as we’ve forgotten the time they dragged us out of the party when we were inflicting a brilliant (albeit drunk and loutish ?) efforts on “Goli maar bheje mein..dishkao..bheja shor karta hai” , we're forgiving the screw-ups of a bunch of gauche celebs trying to dance.

Probably a case of people like us getting even with people like them.

Steve Irwin RIP. (a.k.a. revenge of the stingray)

A lot has been said on the demise of Steve Irwin. This one below by Germaine Greer* (from her article in the Guardian) adds some more perspective.

"The animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin, but probably not before a whole generation of kids in shorts seven sizes too small has learned to shout in the ears of animals with hearing 10 times more acute than theirs, determined to become millionaire animal-loving zoo-owners in their turn."

So a famous firang dies by a freak accident. Media goes into overkill. And then someone opines that the animal world has taken revenge ? This could be the next animation hit - Title "Jaanwaron ka badla" with a tagline "Ek julmi ki kahaani, stingray ki zabaani". Mithun-da as Steve, mate ?

* As expected, Ms. Greer's comments have raised a controversy. Sheesh.

Fit for a prince

A five-year old kid, named Prince, gets stuck in a 50-feet ditch in Kurukshetra (Haryana) on Friday night and is rescued by Sunday evening - when he also turns six-years old.

Most TV channels largely ignore it on Saturday. But come Sunday, families all over India gather around the TV and get treated to a gut-wrenching, emotional overdose of gigantic proportions that would make Karan Johar, Yashraj and the Barjatyas cringe in misery and go green in envy.

You think I’m ODing? Check out these prize-winning captions thought of by the news channels that ran this saga for an entire day.

• Dharti maan ki god se, sena ki god mein, maa ki god tak
• Prince ka dhairya, sena ki himmat, maa ki mamta, Zee News ki muhim rang layi
• Prince ne di maut ko maat, Saare desh mein khushi ki lehar
• Prince ko zindagi, zindagi ka prince (followed by waah !)

Incidentally, these captions were brushing shoulders with ads for Khufiya underwear, Tope Klass Koaching klasses and GMD Salia (brand names concealed on grounds of confidentiality).

And the press today ?

Headline on TOI (also kind enough to allot 90% of front page space for this news) – “Li’l Prince is born again”. Text then reads - “When Prince Kumar rode out of the black hole in a crane at 7.47 pm on Sunday, the applause was something Zinedine Zidane might have got if he had won the World Cup for France. The four-year-old’s homecoming signalled the end of a human drama that had kept the nation engrossed during the weekend and turned him into India’s most heart-tugging kid.”

Headline on Mumbai Mirror with photo– "Prince wins battle of Kurukshetra"

Headline on HT Junior, borrowing from TOI - "Little Prince is reborn on his sixth birthday"

Also check this google search for international press coverage of this "gripping event"

Of course, the Haryana Chief Minister chipped in his bit by announcing a grant of Rs2lakh for Prince.

Finally, this SMS received by a TV channel stood out in stark contradiction to all the duas and prathanas for Prince’s rescue. It read “What do I have to do to get free education in India ? fall in a ditch?”

Big B and Kat K

The Times of India does it again. Trust our trusted newspaper to do celeb-spotting at a hospital. A frail and weak superstar recuperating in a hospital makes for great front page stuff. Throw in a demure Katrina Kaif and you've got an eye-grabber.

TOI's offspring, Mumbai Mirror, was gracious and provided photos of the more boring and mundane fans - the usual pujari, knife-sharpener, etc - camping outside the hospital and praying, like all other Big B fans for his recovery.

But then what else would you expect ? Remember when The Economic Times had covered Dhirubhai Ambani's death and mixed mourning with celebrity-spotting ? Madhur Bhandarkar had a scene in his brilliant Page 3 on pretty much the same lines.

It's tempting to criticise the Times, but note that even Hindustan Times did the same thing. Yet they were kind enough to feature a motley crew of Akshay and Dimple, Vijaypat Singhania, Ajitabh and Swami Ramdeo Baba (!).

I'm sure we all want to know how our one true Indian Icon and superstar, the Big B, is doing. Just as I'm sure we all need to be comforted by seeing the beautiful women who visited him. Hey, why wait till Page 3, when you can catch it all on page 1 ?

Fortune at the bottom

“No wonder you’re late. Why, this watch is exactly two days slow” Mad Hatter (Alice in Wonderland)

More than two days slow, Fortune's latest India special issue is also not a case for timely and incisive business journalism.

It takes effort to even begin reading a report on a billion strong country, with huge income disparities, that starts with "Vijay Mallya". Yet, surely the flamboyant Mr Mallya grabs the attention of Fortune’s typical reader. But then, who is Fortune’s typical reader ? American corporates and investors ? Most of them have been in India for a long time and already know what Fortune is talking about. Those coming new to India ? Please refer above comment of the Mad Hatter.

As for the rest of this India special, its full of Fortune's typical high-on-style and low-on-substance reporting. What's new? Certainly not this -

• India v/s China ? Yawn, Businessweek beat them to it.
• Strong growth rates, IT sector, foreign investment, modern Indian factories (note Bajaj "Automotive" not Bajaj Auto), call-centre operator, blah, blah. Yawn again.
• Mandatory mugs of shiny, happy, people, i.e. business families and their rich and wealthy next generation. I'm sure Clay Chandler and his team had a good time at their parties.
• Poverty alongside progress - check the dhoti-clad old man standing next to a section of a new highway. At least its better than their earlier photo of a sadhu with a mobile phone.
• Also don't miss an atrocious, full-page drawing of India with lotuses coming out of key places, for eg. Bombay (Bollywood, Ambanis), Chennai (call centre), etc. etc. Completely puerile, tasteless and pointless.
• The only good write-up is Suketu's Mehta piece on Bombay. After all, he's probably the only author in this report who knew his subject well.

At the end of the day, Fortune is a magazine and I’d assume its model revolves around getting more ads and more readers. This issue serves both purposes. Most well-heeled Indians (and they are large in number) would grab this issue which should be at almost all bookstores and newspaper stalls. And the issue has loads of ads from Indian companies – so that takes care of the business.

For those who want an alternative - and probably far more timelier - opinion on India and China, check out the Economist’s last survey on India and China and their earlier survey on India.

For those looking for eye-catching photos and catchy stories, this Fortune is a must have. After all, as Alice mused “what is the use of a book without pictures or conversations”.

Dribble, dribble, drool

ZeeSports :: AIFF

My prize for ad campaign of the day goes to "ZeeBras" (yes, don't miss the capital "B"). In an effort to promote domestic football (at a time when cricket crazy fans crib and cringe on the crying shame the Indian team has become), Zee will have 8 models ("ZeeBras") as cheerleaders at the Federation Cup this year.

If spaghetti straps did wonders for Indian cricket, it was because Mandira Bedi wore them. The good part is that Zee has realised that the only way to get anyone to watch its channel is to get pretty women with zebra tops and hot pants to advertise the event. Well, if that can do wonders for Indian football, what the hell. Yes, the taste of the ad and the imagination, or lack thereof, can be questioned, even criticised, but if these are the hoardings I'll see spread across the city, I say "yeah baby !".