Blast 1 - 1.28pm - The Bombay Stock Exchange. 84 dead, 217 injured.
Blast 2 - 2.15pm - Narsi Natha Street. 5 dead, 16 injured.
Blast 3 - 2.25pm - Air India Building. 20 dead, 87 injured.
Blast 4 - 2.30pm - Lucky Petrol Pump, Dadar. 4 dead, 50 injured.
Blast 5 - 2.55pm - Century Bazaar. 113 dead, 227 inured.
Blast 6 - 3.05pm - Zaveri Bazaar. 17 dead, 57 injured.
Blast 7 - 3.13pm - Plaza Cinema, Dadar. 10 dead, 37 injured.
Blast 8 - 3.20pm - Sea Rock Hotel, Bandra. No one dead or injured.
Blast 9 - 3.25pm - Juhu Centaur Hotel. 3 injured
Blast 10 - 3.35pm - Airport Centaur Hotel. 2 killed, 8 injured.
"Subsequent police investigations revealed that 257 people were either killed or went missing in the blasts while 713 were injured."
Dawood Ibrahim, the main accused, is still at large.
Showing posts with label India. Show all posts
Showing posts with label India. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Looking for comedy in the Indian world
Before “Flop Show”, there was “Yeh jo hai zindagi” and before both of them, there was “Baban Prabhu and Yakub Sayed” in the Doordarshan days. There was also “Chaal Nawachi vaachal vasti” and a whole lot of Marathi TV serials and legendary Marathi humorists like PuLa, that half of Raj Thackeray’s party members couldn’t even remember. Just like brothers-with-arms, the Samajwadi Party, wouldn’t know Kaka Hathrasi and Ashok Chakradhar. But I digress.
This post is simply about “What makes you LOL?” I’m talking old-fashioned laugh-out-loud. Not a smile, snicker, or heh, but a hearty laugh. Here’s what made me LOL over the years.
First there was..
The earliest stuff made me LOL were all those TV serials mentioned above. I loved them for the simple, situational comedy of everyday life. In movies, “Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro” and “Chashme Buddoor” had me in complete splits. Video was still new and staple viewing included “Mind Your Language”, the “Lemon Popsicle” and “Carry On” movie series. In comics, I was a huge fan of Beetle Bailey, Graffiti, Hagar the Horrible, The Lockhorns and Moose & Molly. (This was obviously before Mid-day in Bombay started my all-time fav “Calvin and Hobbes”)
I discovered the joys of PG when I enrolled at the British Council Library. Other than Mr. Wodehouse, I read magazines Punch and Private Eye and admired the way the Brits tear their politicians apart. In those cable-less days, we were also lucky to see Brit TV series like the legendary "Yes Minister" and "Yes Prime Minister", “Spitting Image”, “Drop the Dead Donkey” and “Fawlty Towers” on good ol’ Doordarshan. There was also “Different Strokes” but give me those Brit comedies any day.
..Then the nineties
With cable coming in the early nineties, Star TV, in its original avatar, showed some excellent stuff like “MASH”, “Home Improvement” and “The Simpsons”. There was also the brilliant improv show “Whose line is it anyway”. The few days that NBC aired in India, I looked forward to “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno and then “Late night with Conan O’Brien” – quickly coming to prefer Conan to Leno. But NBC shut shop soon deciding that there was no market for an English TV channel in India. It took time for Star TV to agree. (Since then Star has come back with a dedicated English channel, but not NBC).
Later in the 90s, I liked “Friends” for some time but got bored quickly of their self-obsession and sex obsession. An accusation that holds true for just about any American TV series, so it’s only a question of what you can take. So, I took on to “Seinfeld” like crazy. I think it’s the best comedy TV series ever for me. In movies, anything by Zucker-Abrahams was totally LOL’able( “Airplane”, “The Naked Gun” and “Hot Shots” series) and two other landmark comedies of the 90s were “My Cousin Vinny” and “There’s something about Mary”.
The here and now
Cut to present day. I don't think I’m enough. But then, comedy ain’t what it used to be. Political correctness is the order of the day and we take things too seriously. (That’s one reason I enjoy “Curb Your Enthusiasm” – if that’s daily life in the US then it’s more reality than comedy.)
No media house dare make a (comedy) TV series or movie on politics, bureaucracy or the system. Can’t blame them, who’d want their effigies and posters burnt? That sucks so much (just for that hats off to Cyrus Broacha on The Week that Wasn’t). And that’s why I’m a huge fan of “Real Time with Bill Maher”. For the love of God I can’t imagine anyone in Mumbai making fun of either Balu T or Raju T (both of them, ironically, being cartoonists). And I doubt that day would ever come. For example, why has stand-up comedy never taken off in Bombay?
Which means we have to rely mostly on slapstick, parody and risqué humor to run our “Laughter Challenges”. Not that I’ve disliked them. In the past, I’ve enjoyed Raju Srivastav and Sunil Pal much more than any Priyadarshan comedy (barring the first “Hera Pheri”). And I also think Munna-bhai took comedy to a completely different level. But still. There’s only so much that we can come up with. All the laughter shows have become photocopies of each other and I could never stand seeing Sidhu, Shekhar Suman, Mandira Bedi, et al with their over-the-top fake ear-to-ear laughs. The only comedy I enjoy on the Hindi TV channels today is the priceless "Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai". Whoever thought a clash between elitism and middle class-ism could be so hilarious. Ironically, the series has already closed a long time back and what I'm seeing today are re-runs - which are still very funny.
Finally, the internet. From emails, the fore bearers of the tech funnies, to Facebook wall posts, Orkut scraps and youtube videos, I’ve seen barely a handful of really funny stuff. And now there’s blogs. Even here, I’ve stopped following most of the blogs I found funny for a variety of reasons (Gawker being an exception because he's a class apart).
Hm. Funny. When I want it, it does become difficult to find comedy in my current world.
So, what makes you LOL?
This post is simply about “What makes you LOL?” I’m talking old-fashioned laugh-out-loud. Not a smile, snicker, or heh, but a hearty laugh. Here’s what made me LOL over the years.
First there was..
The earliest stuff made me LOL were all those TV serials mentioned above. I loved them for the simple, situational comedy of everyday life. In movies, “Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro” and “Chashme Buddoor” had me in complete splits. Video was still new and staple viewing included “Mind Your Language”, the “Lemon Popsicle” and “Carry On” movie series. In comics, I was a huge fan of Beetle Bailey, Graffiti, Hagar the Horrible, The Lockhorns and Moose & Molly. (This was obviously before Mid-day in Bombay started my all-time fav “Calvin and Hobbes”)
I discovered the joys of PG when I enrolled at the British Council Library. Other than Mr. Wodehouse, I read magazines Punch and Private Eye and admired the way the Brits tear their politicians apart. In those cable-less days, we were also lucky to see Brit TV series like the legendary "Yes Minister" and "Yes Prime Minister", “Spitting Image”, “Drop the Dead Donkey” and “Fawlty Towers” on good ol’ Doordarshan. There was also “Different Strokes” but give me those Brit comedies any day.
..Then the nineties
With cable coming in the early nineties, Star TV, in its original avatar, showed some excellent stuff like “MASH”, “Home Improvement” and “The Simpsons”. There was also the brilliant improv show “Whose line is it anyway”. The few days that NBC aired in India, I looked forward to “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno and then “Late night with Conan O’Brien” – quickly coming to prefer Conan to Leno. But NBC shut shop soon deciding that there was no market for an English TV channel in India. It took time for Star TV to agree. (Since then Star has come back with a dedicated English channel, but not NBC).
Later in the 90s, I liked “Friends” for some time but got bored quickly of their self-obsession and sex obsession. An accusation that holds true for just about any American TV series, so it’s only a question of what you can take. So, I took on to “Seinfeld” like crazy. I think it’s the best comedy TV series ever for me. In movies, anything by Zucker-Abrahams was totally LOL’able( “Airplane”, “The Naked Gun” and “Hot Shots” series) and two other landmark comedies of the 90s were “My Cousin Vinny” and “There’s something about Mary”.
The here and now
Cut to present day. I don't think I’m enough. But then, comedy ain’t what it used to be. Political correctness is the order of the day and we take things too seriously. (That’s one reason I enjoy “Curb Your Enthusiasm” – if that’s daily life in the US then it’s more reality than comedy.)
No media house dare make a (comedy) TV series or movie on politics, bureaucracy or the system. Can’t blame them, who’d want their effigies and posters burnt? That sucks so much (just for that hats off to Cyrus Broacha on The Week that Wasn’t). And that’s why I’m a huge fan of “Real Time with Bill Maher”. For the love of God I can’t imagine anyone in Mumbai making fun of either Balu T or Raju T (both of them, ironically, being cartoonists). And I doubt that day would ever come. For example, why has stand-up comedy never taken off in Bombay?
Which means we have to rely mostly on slapstick, parody and risqué humor to run our “Laughter Challenges”. Not that I’ve disliked them. In the past, I’ve enjoyed Raju Srivastav and Sunil Pal much more than any Priyadarshan comedy (barring the first “Hera Pheri”). And I also think Munna-bhai took comedy to a completely different level. But still. There’s only so much that we can come up with. All the laughter shows have become photocopies of each other and I could never stand seeing Sidhu, Shekhar Suman, Mandira Bedi, et al with their over-the-top fake ear-to-ear laughs. The only comedy I enjoy on the Hindi TV channels today is the priceless "Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai". Whoever thought a clash between elitism and middle class-ism could be so hilarious. Ironically, the series has already closed a long time back and what I'm seeing today are re-runs - which are still very funny.
Finally, the internet. From emails, the fore bearers of the tech funnies, to Facebook wall posts, Orkut scraps and youtube videos, I’ve seen barely a handful of really funny stuff. And now there’s blogs. Even here, I’ve stopped following most of the blogs I found funny for a variety of reasons (Gawker being an exception because he's a class apart).
Hm. Funny. When I want it, it does become difficult to find comedy in my current world.
So, what makes you LOL?
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
HBO stops Bill Maher podcasts outside US
Update: HBO has resumed podcast downloads for Real Time for listeners outside of the USA, so..er..yay!
I listen regularly to "Real Time with Bill Maher" via HBO's podcasts. A few days back, iTunes started giving an error message which went "Authorization needed to access podcast". (note in the screen-capture below how previous podcasts downloaded without a problem).
Whoo hoo. I thought Apple is at again disallowing lesser mortals from accessing stuff via iTunes (remember, they still don't allow music downloads via iTunes for India). I thought well, you know, it's Apple. What else can you expect? They've still to be pointed out India on the map. But a google search absolved Apple of this.
Yup, because I discovered that this time it's HBO. And guess what, it's not just India on their "oh no you don't" list, it's all the countries outside of the USofA. Check this thread for other users across the non-US world complaining of this. And also check this thread at the Apple discussion forum for something similar.
This kinda stuff defies sense. I mean honestly, we need to call in the Nobel Prize Committee for a new category here. Bring out the Oscars, the Emmys and all the prizes because this kinda global achievement deserves an award.
Seriously, what good does banning a podcast for users outside the US achieve? Do the Einsteins at HBO believe that "Real Time" podcast listeners do not have access to other means of technology that gives them access to - get this - not just the audio, but, hey, the video as well? You know that stuff wherein you can also see the show and not just hear it?
What riles me - as it did about two years back - is when these fruitcakes drive people to alternate methods. Which is what makes that ad which you see before the movie starts, you know the one which goes "Would you steal a car, would you steal a book? then don't go for piracy" look like a bunch of crock.
My own stand on piracy is a bit less liberal than others, i.e. I do believe in paying for content. If there was an iTunes for India, I would have paid to download music. But at this rate, what options do I have? You want to deprive me of my music, of my podcasts, of latest seasons on my TV series (remember all English TV channels in India are running more than a year behind of current seasons across all popular shows)? And you expect me to twiddle my thumbs till then? Yeah right.
See, there's a limit. There is a limit to which you can put those patronizing error messages on my computer screen. There is a limit to which you tell me that your is not available in my country.
Because guess what, M/s HBO and M/S Apple, and this will come as a surprise to you, there is something called the Internet. And hey, did you know it connects people to people. And - oh, this will blow you - it actually allows people to share things? So, if you think I'm not good enough for your content, then I guess I'll just have to find someone who does. And while you're figuring that out, please give my regards to the dinosaurs.
I listen regularly to "Real Time with Bill Maher" via HBO's podcasts. A few days back, iTunes started giving an error message which went "Authorization needed to access podcast". (note in the screen-capture below how previous podcasts downloaded without a problem).
Whoo hoo. I thought Apple is at again disallowing lesser mortals from accessing stuff via iTunes (remember, they still don't allow music downloads via iTunes for India). I thought well, you know, it's Apple. What else can you expect? They've still to be pointed out India on the map. But a google search absolved Apple of this.
Yup, because I discovered that this time it's HBO. And guess what, it's not just India on their "oh no you don't" list, it's all the countries outside of the USofA. Check this thread for other users across the non-US world complaining of this. And also check this thread at the Apple discussion forum for something similar.
This kinda stuff defies sense. I mean honestly, we need to call in the Nobel Prize Committee for a new category here. Bring out the Oscars, the Emmys and all the prizes because this kinda global achievement deserves an award.
Seriously, what good does banning a podcast for users outside the US achieve? Do the Einsteins at HBO believe that "Real Time" podcast listeners do not have access to other means of technology that gives them access to - get this - not just the audio, but, hey, the video as well? You know that stuff wherein you can also see the show and not just hear it?
What riles me - as it did about two years back - is when these fruitcakes drive people to alternate methods. Which is what makes that ad which you see before the movie starts, you know the one which goes "Would you steal a car, would you steal a book? then don't go for piracy" look like a bunch of crock.
My own stand on piracy is a bit less liberal than others, i.e. I do believe in paying for content. If there was an iTunes for India, I would have paid to download music. But at this rate, what options do I have? You want to deprive me of my music, of my podcasts, of latest seasons on my TV series (remember all English TV channels in India are running more than a year behind of current seasons across all popular shows)? And you expect me to twiddle my thumbs till then? Yeah right.
See, there's a limit. There is a limit to which you can put those patronizing error messages on my computer screen. There is a limit to which you tell me that your is not available in my country.
Because guess what, M/s HBO and M/S Apple, and this will come as a surprise to you, there is something called the Internet. And hey, did you know it connects people to people. And - oh, this will blow you - it actually allows people to share things? So, if you think I'm not good enough for your content, then I guess I'll just have to find someone who does. And while you're figuring that out, please give my regards to the dinosaurs.
Friday, September 14, 2007
Three months to go
But still...
Here's my movie of the year 2007.
Magnificent. You've either seen it or..well. "Ye le Preeti, dekha de woh launde ko" and "Acha hai, apne desh mein hi swaagat kar rahe hain aap" were among my favourite lines. I'd love anything that Jaideep Sahni's written but he went one level up with this. I'm looking forward to seeing it again - if only for those superb Delhi shots.
I seriously doubt anything in the coming three months will come even a mile close to this one movie. And here I count OD master Bhansali's "Saawariya" and Farha Khan's "Om Shanti Om". Promos for both movies are already out, i.e. two months before launch (same day - Nov 9th). They might be blockbuster stuff, but honestly, just for pure fun, spirit and emotion, Chak De towers.
I also have my song of the year.
I thought "Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd." was probably among the most under-rated movies in recent times. I enjoy "Vaari vaari" simply because it sounds so fresh every time I hear it, unlike any of the chart-busters this year. The picturisation of the song was brilliant and probably adds to the overall experience. I'm a fan of K. K. Menon and as you'd see above he was just mad, mad, mad in this song.
And before I go - Amit Paul for Indian Idol.
Here's my movie of the year 2007.
Magnificent. You've either seen it or..well. "Ye le Preeti, dekha de woh launde ko" and "Acha hai, apne desh mein hi swaagat kar rahe hain aap" were among my favourite lines. I'd love anything that Jaideep Sahni's written but he went one level up with this. I'm looking forward to seeing it again - if only for those superb Delhi shots.
I seriously doubt anything in the coming three months will come even a mile close to this one movie. And here I count OD master Bhansali's "Saawariya" and Farha Khan's "Om Shanti Om". Promos for both movies are already out, i.e. two months before launch (same day - Nov 9th). They might be blockbuster stuff, but honestly, just for pure fun, spirit and emotion, Chak De towers.
I also have my song of the year.
I thought "Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd." was probably among the most under-rated movies in recent times. I enjoy "Vaari vaari" simply because it sounds so fresh every time I hear it, unlike any of the chart-busters this year. The picturisation of the song was brilliant and probably adds to the overall experience. I'm a fan of K. K. Menon and as you'd see above he was just mad, mad, mad in this song.
And before I go - Amit Paul for Indian Idol.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
More scenes from a city
Another trip back home, more sights, more thoughts. The city's the same.
For once, I leave when the sun's almost melting into the sea. Not after.
And a sunset at Marine Drive? Yes. That's what gets them there, doesn't it? Nothing like the sun and the clouds in frenzied colours. Grey, black, hint of white here, blue there. Oh and Marine Drive is being done up nowadays. Looking all swanky. Hong Kong, Shanghai, Singapore. Everything but. Bombay is only Bombay. Forever.
So there's the sheng-chana wala. There's the kids from Jaihind, Sydenham, KC, HR. Man, I used to come here on weekends with my friends all the way from Bandra. You know - lets go to town for a drive. Check out the babes, the townie crowd. Sheesh. I still come here. Everyday now. For work this time.
For once, I leave when the sun's almost melting into the sea. Not after.
And a sunset at Marine Drive? Yes. That's what gets them there, doesn't it? Nothing like the sun and the clouds in frenzied colours. Grey, black, hint of white here, blue there. Oh and Marine Drive is being done up nowadays. Looking all swanky. Hong Kong, Shanghai, Singapore. Everything but. Bombay is only Bombay. Forever.
So there's the sheng-chana wala. There's the kids from Jaihind, Sydenham, KC, HR. Man, I used to come here on weekends with my friends all the way from Bandra. You know - lets go to town for a drive. Check out the babes, the townie crowd. Sheesh. I still come here. Everyday now. For work this time.
So, there's the kids. Then there's the posh variety. Young, old. Walking their dogs, brisk walking in their track pants, furiously, staring and glaring at anyone in their way. Evening walks and all. Man..where do they get all that time?
And then the couples. Endless pairs of couples. Arms around each other, intertwined. Sweet nothings all over. Coming back from work, going back home. Meeting up at Churchgate, going to Marine Drive. Catch the sunset. Spend time together till we get married. Or don't. So why'd you come home late? You know, work, it piles up.
There's also the singles. The men. Some staring vacantly into the sea. Unemployed, employed, lost-my-job-today, came-here-to-look-for-a-job. You know, nowadays they want someone who can talk English well, these private companies.
"I don't know if I can make it here. But hey, I'm enjoying myself before I leave tomorrow. I've seen Marine Drive in so many movies. When I go back and tell them I was here, they'll be impressed. They won't care if I didn't get a job. Wish I could take a photo. But tell me, uncle, how come they're no photographers here? there's so many of them at the Gateway of India."
Man, I feel so old sometimes.
Babulnath is really jammed these days. What is it with this Shravan fasting and the daily crowd at the temple? Hah. I remember what this Gujju friend told me about his brethren. Saale. Dikhaane ke liye vegetarian, Jain, no kaanda, no meat, no chicken. Saale. Then check 'em out in the night - having tangdi at Bade Miyaa and heading out to Topaz. Sab saale aisi-ich hai. I never met anyone who fit that profile. Yet I don't know why I keep remembering that story once in a while when I pass Babulnath. Funny.
Cadbury. Mahalakshmi. Traffic cops. That one looks new. Smart guy. Young. Crisp shirt, topi ekdum straight. Takes his job seriously. Maybe he'll stop that guy in that Skoda talking on his cell, while driving. Maybe he wont.
And the street kids. I think Bombay belongs to the street kids. I remember going to the Kala Ghoda Festival coupla years back to see a Terence Lewis dance show. So, once its over, they're packing up. There's still some chairs and tables lying around. You know, for the VIPs and all.
So, everyone's clearing the table, but somewhere some music is still playing. And there's this raggedy girl. Torn and dirty frock, frayed hair. Her family's begging somewhere around. But she slowly climbs on top of this white plastic table. No one's around her and the music's still playing. And she's swaying to the music. Unaware, unconcerned, blissful in that moment of nothingness and joy to some song. Her ma finally lands up from somewhere, drags her back with her. Oh thats ok with this kid. She goes off all smiles. That moment was hers.
Worli. Bus stops. Lots of them. And the people waiting for the buses. I don't know what it is about the journey home after a long day at work (are there any other types these days?). Its just special. Leaving for home to the people you love? Nothing like it. Makes the day worthwhile. Makes that boss a bit bearable. Even if he's the only thing on your mind at that time.
I see the people waiting there. You know, leaning against the bus stop. Looking out for the 83, or if you're lucky you might get an empty 84. If only they had more AC buses. The people at the bus stop. Some of them plugged into the radio on their phones. Some talking. That hurried smile. Two words on the phone, "attaach neeghaali", before the bus thunders in. Or a hurried one-word text - "left". Or a quickly wiped tear there, wonder what she was feeling sad about. She looked cute. What kinda guy....
Then Mahim. But you've been there. You've seen them, hunched up and bunched up. Waiting..hoping?...for food. They don't go away. They don't. This is Bombay.
And before I know it, I'm finally somewhere home. That familiar Bandra junction. That chaos at China Gate restaurant which is now an entire building. The traffic jam. Valet parking. Narrow, two-way lane. Chaos. All for food. Everyone lining up to get in. Minimum half an hour waiting. And they line up. Not hunched up but a bit bunched up. They don't go away. They don't. This is Bombay.
It gets tiring once in a while. This 20km trip I'm doing everyday. But its a journey home. Nothing like it.
Or the city. And its places and its people. Nothing like them. The city. If it won't kill you, it will probably make you harder. And run faster. And fall here and there.
This city I tell you.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Scenes from a city
The thing I love about Bombay is the space I get to think. Not that I need any space to think, except mind space. But still.
What works for me is the journey from home to office and back. Sure, traffic is torture, but what’s new?
I get some two hours to myself. I get two hours with the city. From Nariman Point to Bandra – that’s about 20kms. A journey that takes half-an-hour in the morning (I reach early) and about an hour-and-a-half in the evening/night.
Always a good time to think. And man, I’ve had stuff to think about. Loads and loads and truck loads of stuff. I hope to share what it's all about sometime.
But till then, here are some of my random thoughts and observations while I’m driving on my way home.
Nariman Point: Horse rides, merry-go-rounds, little scooters, bikes and various other paraphernalia. Yes, this is Nariman Point. After 8pm on weekdays and throughout weekend evenings, this place goes mad. It’s like a fair. The first time I saw it, I couldn’t believe it. I mean, all this in the middle of Bombay’s business district? Looks straight out of Juhu Beach.
So, I’m guessing that this crowd is from Colaba, Cuffe Parade, etc. You know, South Bombay yuppies and pappas and mummys, taking bacha party out for a ride in the only place available there. There’s a nice economy running there on its own. Including food, etc. etc. All they need is a park…which I think is also coming up nearby. Maja ni life.
Marine Drive: On the radio…
If only the 3-man band “Metro” had given this bearded dude more songs, because the other two (thin dude and angry dude) were very ordinary. (also read update below)
I love this song. Turn up the volume. Turn it up before they play something else. In dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha…..oh yes.
I like Fever 104FM. I switched over to them (from Radio One) quite some time back. They have these RJs in the evening who go …“Hum hein aapke Drive Time Gangsters Divya aur Rohini”. One calls herself Uptown Girl and the other is…I can’t remember..but I don’t think it was Highway Star.
Marine Drive will always remind me of Sailu. Wonder where he is.
Chowpatty: This guy at office had once asked me why’s there a crowd outside Cream Centre every evening. I told him it’s because they sell leftovers at an 80% discount. So that big crowd you see, they're all waiting to get in.
And the crowd goes mad on the weekends. Those Cream Centre guys literally throw out food in the air, like people feed pigeons at Marine Drive. And all those well-dressed people, waiting outside for (almost) free food..they go at it like mad. You know, this is Bombay. He believed me. But then he’s not from Bombay.
Babulnath: Is Banganga somewhere near by? I just have to go there. (And also to these places that that indefatigable true blue Bombay Boy – Abodh – recommends.)
Vama Flyover: There’s this "HELP" sign at some Kemps Corner building that you can spot while passing over this flyover. Big bold letters in black. Someone once told me that people got spooked by this. You know, are there kidnapped kids trapped inside, crying out for HELP? But that’s not the case. It’s, in fact, a health library (not sure if its this). I tell you, this city…
Mahalakshmi junction: Street kid selling assorted books knocks on my window. I wave him off. "Nahi chahiye boss". He goes “Worli Naka, sir, Worli Naka?”. He wants a lift. Hop in kid, aaja meri gaadi mein baith ja. He tells me of a time when a driver in a Merc gave him a lift over the same distance. I tell you, this city…
Scene below Vama flyover: Yuppie in his Honda City parked below a 'No-parking sign' blissfully chatting away on his cell, in his car. Oh, he’s not breaking the law. Law says you can’t talk while driving. Law doesn’t say you can’t talk while you’re parked under a 'No-parking sign'. So it’s cool, dude, chat away. So what if the rest of the city’s honking behind you?
Oh, and those blinking indicator lights on your car? You know, those that go off together when you press that red triangle on your dash? See, those lights don't mean “Do not disturb, I'm on a call”. They mean "Help, help, I need help". Please remember that. Who knows..the next time I see you yakking on your cell in your car with those lights on, I might be tempted to break your window and rescue you.
Haji Ali Juice Centre: This place..with all the cabs parked outside, some with those green tube lights inside...reminds me of a superb scene in Maximum City – the one where a goon takes out a dance bar girl and they meet here. He tells the cab driver to take a walk, releases love-birds in the cab, and both of them try to catch these birds…which is how he gets to touch her for the first time. If I remember right, the book said that most of these birds also die in the car.
Worli Sea Face: Have they really sold that dairy there? Will a five star hotel really come up in its place?
Shivaji Park: Man…when will they finish making whatever they’re making out there? I mean, its dug up for ages. Come on.
Mahim: Parking lot. Bottleneck. Shut down the engine, chill out. Pull those windows down. Catch a glimpse of the dargah to your left. It comes after a small temple you just passed by on your right. Mandir, masjid, one road. I think a sequence in "Maqbool" was shot at this dargah.
To your left, chances are you won’t miss those small hotels. With hordes of people bunched up, sitting on their haunches…waiting. Some have empty looks on their faces, some are hopeful. All of them wait for a car that stops and hands out a Rs50/100/500/1,000 note to the hotel. Depending on what the seth (or his driver) of the car gives, that’s their dinner. At least for the lucky ones who get waved inside. Till a hand suddenly stops those left behind, from going ahead. Because, Rs100 only covers 10 people. The others will have to wait. For the next car to stop. For some guy who’d asked mannat at the dargah, or at Mahim Church…or in his heart…and is now fulfilling it by feeding the hungry. Some of those passing by in their cars look at this wretched lot and curse under their breath “saale…muft ka khaate hain”.
Bandra: Home. Finally.
Another day in paradise. Another day in the city.
This city, I tell you...
*****
Update: Via e-mail from Amit Varma: "In Dino...was only picturised on Preetam in the film (the bearded guy). It was actually sung by Soham, who didn't appear in the film at all, but did in the promotional video." Thanks very much for that Amit.
What works for me is the journey from home to office and back. Sure, traffic is torture, but what’s new?
I get some two hours to myself. I get two hours with the city. From Nariman Point to Bandra – that’s about 20kms. A journey that takes half-an-hour in the morning (I reach early) and about an hour-and-a-half in the evening/night.
Always a good time to think. And man, I’ve had stuff to think about. Loads and loads and truck loads of stuff. I hope to share what it's all about sometime.
But till then, here are some of my random thoughts and observations while I’m driving on my way home.
Nariman Point: Horse rides, merry-go-rounds, little scooters, bikes and various other paraphernalia. Yes, this is Nariman Point. After 8pm on weekdays and throughout weekend evenings, this place goes mad. It’s like a fair. The first time I saw it, I couldn’t believe it. I mean, all this in the middle of Bombay’s business district? Looks straight out of Juhu Beach.
So, I’m guessing that this crowd is from Colaba, Cuffe Parade, etc. You know, South Bombay yuppies and pappas and mummys, taking bacha party out for a ride in the only place available there. There’s a nice economy running there on its own. Including food, etc. etc. All they need is a park…which I think is also coming up nearby. Maja ni life.
Marine Drive: On the radio…
in dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha…I just love that song. That’s the only thing I liked in “Life in Metro” (that and perhaps Irrfan Khan and the ethereal Kangana Ranaut). Lovely song.
tu khaab saja, tu ji le jara…
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat
If only the 3-man band “Metro” had given this bearded dude more songs, because the other two (thin dude and angry dude) were very ordinary. (also read update below)
I love this song. Turn up the volume. Turn it up before they play something else. In dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha…..oh yes.
I like Fever 104FM. I switched over to them (from Radio One) quite some time back. They have these RJs in the evening who go …“Hum hein aapke Drive Time Gangsters Divya aur Rohini”. One calls herself Uptown Girl and the other is…I can’t remember..but I don’t think it was Highway Star.
Marine Drive will always remind me of Sailu. Wonder where he is.
Chowpatty: This guy at office had once asked me why’s there a crowd outside Cream Centre every evening. I told him it’s because they sell leftovers at an 80% discount. So that big crowd you see, they're all waiting to get in.
And the crowd goes mad on the weekends. Those Cream Centre guys literally throw out food in the air, like people feed pigeons at Marine Drive. And all those well-dressed people, waiting outside for (almost) free food..they go at it like mad. You know, this is Bombay. He believed me. But then he’s not from Bombay.
Babulnath: Is Banganga somewhere near by? I just have to go there. (And also to these places that that indefatigable true blue Bombay Boy – Abodh – recommends.)
Vama Flyover: There’s this "HELP" sign at some Kemps Corner building that you can spot while passing over this flyover. Big bold letters in black. Someone once told me that people got spooked by this. You know, are there kidnapped kids trapped inside, crying out for HELP? But that’s not the case. It’s, in fact, a health library (not sure if its this). I tell you, this city…
Mahalakshmi junction: Street kid selling assorted books knocks on my window. I wave him off. "Nahi chahiye boss". He goes “Worli Naka, sir, Worli Naka?”. He wants a lift. Hop in kid, aaja meri gaadi mein baith ja. He tells me of a time when a driver in a Merc gave him a lift over the same distance. I tell you, this city…
Scene below Vama flyover: Yuppie in his Honda City parked below a 'No-parking sign' blissfully chatting away on his cell, in his car. Oh, he’s not breaking the law. Law says you can’t talk while driving. Law doesn’t say you can’t talk while you’re parked under a 'No-parking sign'. So it’s cool, dude, chat away. So what if the rest of the city’s honking behind you?
Oh, and those blinking indicator lights on your car? You know, those that go off together when you press that red triangle on your dash? See, those lights don't mean “Do not disturb, I'm on a call”. They mean "Help, help, I need help". Please remember that. Who knows..the next time I see you yakking on your cell in your car with those lights on, I might be tempted to break your window and rescue you.
Haji Ali Juice Centre: This place..with all the cabs parked outside, some with those green tube lights inside...reminds me of a superb scene in Maximum City – the one where a goon takes out a dance bar girl and they meet here. He tells the cab driver to take a walk, releases love-birds in the cab, and both of them try to catch these birds…which is how he gets to touch her for the first time. If I remember right, the book said that most of these birds also die in the car.
Worli Sea Face: Have they really sold that dairy there? Will a five star hotel really come up in its place?
Shivaji Park: Man…when will they finish making whatever they’re making out there? I mean, its dug up for ages. Come on.
Mahim: Parking lot. Bottleneck. Shut down the engine, chill out. Pull those windows down. Catch a glimpse of the dargah to your left. It comes after a small temple you just passed by on your right. Mandir, masjid, one road. I think a sequence in "Maqbool" was shot at this dargah.
To your left, chances are you won’t miss those small hotels. With hordes of people bunched up, sitting on their haunches…waiting. Some have empty looks on their faces, some are hopeful. All of them wait for a car that stops and hands out a Rs50/100/500/1,000 note to the hotel. Depending on what the seth (or his driver) of the car gives, that’s their dinner. At least for the lucky ones who get waved inside. Till a hand suddenly stops those left behind, from going ahead. Because, Rs100 only covers 10 people. The others will have to wait. For the next car to stop. For some guy who’d asked mannat at the dargah, or at Mahim Church…or in his heart…and is now fulfilling it by feeding the hungry. Some of those passing by in their cars look at this wretched lot and curse under their breath “saale…muft ka khaate hain”.
Bandra: Home. Finally.
Another day in paradise. Another day in the city.
This city, I tell you...
*****
Update: Via e-mail from Amit Varma: "In Dino...was only picturised on Preetam in the film (the bearded guy). It was actually sung by Soham, who didn't appear in the film at all, but did in the promotional video." Thanks very much for that Amit.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Kahi Puneri Patya
...was the title of this mail forward I received today, attached with some hilarious sign-boards (all in Marathi) from Pune. I can understand the anguish that could have gone behind some of them. My learned Maharashtrian colleague tells me that the perpetrators of most of these warnings will likely be "Konkanastha Brahmins" known to be..well..."khadoos". Whoever they are, hats off to them. There's must've been a lot of anguish behind some of those signs. Oh and I've not translated them....takes away the fun.
Now why couldn't anyone in Bombay think of something as brilliant as this?
One of the best...the last line reads "Mudvyaadhich aushad meedhale"
Update: That intrepid Mumbaikar, Abodh, has left me this link for many more patyas. In fact, and as he correctly points out in the comments below, most of the above are from this website. Click here.
Now why couldn't anyone in Bombay think of something as brilliant as this?
One of the best...the last line reads "Mudvyaadhich aushad meedhale"
Update: That intrepid Mumbaikar, Abodh, has left me this link for many more patyas. In fact, and as he correctly points out in the comments below, most of the above are from this website. Click here.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Why can't I hang live crows on my wall?
Link via Neha, this simply superb 1985 interview of music legend Kishore Kumar, by then Illustrated Weekly editor, Pritish Nandy.
Today, more than 20 years after this interview was first done, I see the legend in a completely different light. Such simple, straight answers that you have to call the man a genius.
Its a long interview (full text here, thank you Neha), but I found it so rewarding as a reader that I went back to portions of the interview..portions like this (partly also highlighted by Neha).
Today, more than 20 years after this interview was first done, I see the legend in a completely different light. Such simple, straight answers that you have to call the man a genius.
Its a long interview (full text here, thank you Neha), but I found it so rewarding as a reader that I went back to portions of the interview..portions like this (partly also highlighted by Neha).
PN: People would have thought you crazy. In fact they already do.
KK: Who said I'm crazy. The world is crazy; not me.
PN: Why do you have this reputation for doing strange things?
KK: It all began with this girl who came to interview me. In those days I used to live alone. So she said: You must be very lonely. I said: No, let me introduce you to some of my friends. So I took her to the garden and introduced her to some of the friendlier trees. Janardhan; Raghunandan; Gangadhar; Jagannath; Buddhuram; Jhatpatajhatpatpat. I said they were my closest friends in this cruel world. She went and wrote this bizarre piece, saying that I spent long evenings with my arms entwined around them. What's wrong with that, you tell me? What's wrong making friends with trees?
PN: Nothing.
KK: Then, there was this interior decorator-a suited, booted fellow who came to see me in a three-piece woollen, Saville Row suit in the thick of summer- and began to lecture me about aesthetics, design, visual sense and all that. After listening to him for about half an hour and trying to figure out what he was saying through his peculiar American accent, I told him that I wanted something very simple for my living room. Just water-several feet deep- and little boats floating around, instead of large sofas. I told him that the centre-piece should be anchored down so that the tea service could be placed on it and all of us could row up to it in our boats and take sips from our cups. But the boats should be properly balanced, I said, otherwise we might whizz past each other and conversation would be difficult.
He looked a bit alarmed but that alarm gave way to sheer horror when I began to describe the wall decor. I told him that I wanted live crows hanging from the walls instead of paintings-since I liked nature so much. And, instead of fans, we could have monkeys farting from the ceiling. That's when he slowly backed out from the room with a strange look in his eyes. The last I saw of him was him running out of the front gate, at a pace that would have put an electric train to shame. What's crazy about having a living room like that, you tell me? If he can wear a woollen, three-piece suit in the height of summer, why can't I hang live crows on my walls?
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
The one about Delhi
Self, family and large part of our khandaan were in Delhi over this last weekend for a marriage. Below are some excerpts, thoughts and conversations from the trip. Comments as always welcome.
***
I just love this city. The wide roads, the trees, the greenery, the historic structures. I’ve not stayed here much, and I’ve not seen Delhi in its entirety, so I guess I'm biased and not fully informed. Yet, I wish I get the chance to explore Delhi. And its food.
***
A lot of my memories and images about Delhi stem from movies shot in this lovely city. In reverse order, the ones I can recall right now are – Khosla ka Ghosla, Rang De Basanti, Lakshya in the last few years, before that Monsoon Wedding (and man, did we have one this weekend) and before that Silsila and Trishul. Yes Lodi Gardens, oh yes.
Wasn't Chashme Buddoor was also shot in Delhi ? I’m not too sure (Lallan Miya was a Hyderabadi, right ? I’m a bit confused..but then that place where Deepti Naval stays – remember Kahan se aaye Bhadra? – was so Delhi).
***
The car that picks us up from the airport has a red “PRESS” sticker, at the top left-hand corner of its front windscreen. The car we travel in the next day has “VIP: Rajiv Gandhi some-nirmaan yojana” on it. Neither car has a yellow-on-white/black number plate, as required for taxis. And the traffic discipline. Oh joy. Lanes are for losers, so are signals and speed limits.
***
Single white-board on a tree – one of many trees on footpaths aside roads that seem as large and as smooth as expressways to me – says “Depressed? For cure contact 981XX XXXX”. It was this solitary hoarding on a tree. Too late to click a snap, the signal turns green.
***
Happens with me all the time. So, I wait to recollect what I forgot to pack. This time, it’s a tie. So we (self and wife) go searching for one and land up at “Gargee Mens Collections” – authorized Raymond showroom.
I see it also has a sale of other brands going on. Enter to find six racks of ties. Each one I choose gets a withering look (in the best of Sir Humphrey traditions) from the wife. Not even the one with the dog with lightning bolts on his tail and clover leafs at the border makes the cut.
We finally agree on one, branded “Leonardi”, costs Rs1,095 with a 10% discount. I urge him for more, imploring that we’re from Bombay. He refuses to relent. And so it is that I walk out with my brand new Leonardi tie. Leonardi even has a website. Which I just visited, making me believe that I was had. One born every minute or so they say.
***
Like in Bombay, there are lads selling pirated books at traffic signals. I notice “Master Plan Delhi 2021” in his hand. “Master Plan Delhi 2021” ? which I'm assuming is this. The sight of this book mingling with “How to increase your motivation, confidence and sexual prowess in three simple steps” and “The Kite-runner” refuses to leave my mind. I can’t imagine the BMC’s Master Plan for Mumbai being sold at traffic signals back here. I’m sorry I can’t.
***
Does anyone use “Boss” out here like in Bombay ? Or is it just always Sir-ji ?
***
Phone rings, I pick up: Hello?
Family-member on way to marriage: Haan beta, ye jagah (venue for the marriage) kahan pe hai? Raasta bataana
Me: Haanji, namaste, ek minute rukiye.
(off-phone to other elders gathered nearby): acha, yahaan aas-paas ke landmark kya hai ?
Elder 1: Juhu
Me: Juhu ?
Elder 2: Arre haan, Jhoo, Jhoo.
Me: Juhu ?
Elder 3: Kaisa nalaayak ladka hai, samajh mein nahin aata kya ? Chidiya ghar.
***
So there’s this area with a raised floor next to a table with high-tech audio gear and mounted lightings.
Me (to a worker): Ye kaahe ke liye hai bhai?
Worker: DJ
Me: DJ ?
Worker: Haan, DJ
Delhi guy casually strolling nearby: Haan, haan, yaha pe normal hain
Me (in thought): DJ ? in a reception ?
(Later in the night, when the music is blasting and the DJ is rolling his tracks and I’m standing at the entrance, welcoming guests)
Cute kid clutching my coat from behind: Uncle, uncle, DJ kahan hain ?
(Before I knew it, she’s found the floor, which is already occupied with some 135 kids all dancing to Bidi.)
***
Wife: What does this “Bidi” song mean?
Me : Ah, you know, because it’s cold, you have to light a bidi and then your heart goes on fire.
Wife: then why is Saif telling Bipasha "padosi ke chulhe se aag lele" ?
Me: Er..
***
Meanwhile, SAJNA KE VAARI VAARI JAU MAIN blasting on the stereo
Me: What does “vaari vaari” mean ?
Delhi guy nearby: Oye yaar, like a girl telling her lover "main tujh pe maari maari"
Wife (also nearby): Oh, like you didn't know that, did you ? Hmpf.
***
Aye duniya ootpatanga, kitthe hath te kithe taanga, atte kukdi dendi baanga, ede chak de phattey. I think I’m getting it.
***
This smart and fair Delhi guy catches me and goes: "Acha haan, aap to Bambai se hain. Oye yaar, why don’t you shift to Delhi ? Tum log ki kuch life hi nahin hai. Subhe subhe uthke kaam pe bhaag jaate ho. Your houses are so dingy. Bahut chote hain yaar. Utne paise mein you can get a bangla in Delhi. Family ke liye time nahin, saath mein chai peene ki fursat nahin. Ha ha ha. You must shift to Delhi. Acha to chaliye, nice meeting you”.
Silence
***
***
I just love this city. The wide roads, the trees, the greenery, the historic structures. I’ve not stayed here much, and I’ve not seen Delhi in its entirety, so I guess I'm biased and not fully informed. Yet, I wish I get the chance to explore Delhi. And its food.
***
A lot of my memories and images about Delhi stem from movies shot in this lovely city. In reverse order, the ones I can recall right now are – Khosla ka Ghosla, Rang De Basanti, Lakshya in the last few years, before that Monsoon Wedding (and man, did we have one this weekend) and before that Silsila and Trishul. Yes Lodi Gardens, oh yes.
Wasn't Chashme Buddoor was also shot in Delhi ? I’m not too sure (Lallan Miya was a Hyderabadi, right ? I’m a bit confused..but then that place where Deepti Naval stays – remember Kahan se aaye Bhadra? – was so Delhi).
***
The car that picks us up from the airport has a red “PRESS” sticker, at the top left-hand corner of its front windscreen. The car we travel in the next day has “VIP: Rajiv Gandhi some-nirmaan yojana” on it. Neither car has a yellow-on-white/black number plate, as required for taxis. And the traffic discipline. Oh joy. Lanes are for losers, so are signals and speed limits.
***
Single white-board on a tree – one of many trees on footpaths aside roads that seem as large and as smooth as expressways to me – says “Depressed? For cure contact 981XX XXXX”. It was this solitary hoarding on a tree. Too late to click a snap, the signal turns green.
***
Happens with me all the time. So, I wait to recollect what I forgot to pack. This time, it’s a tie. So we (self and wife) go searching for one and land up at “Gargee Mens Collections” – authorized Raymond showroom.
I see it also has a sale of other brands going on. Enter to find six racks of ties. Each one I choose gets a withering look (in the best of Sir Humphrey traditions) from the wife. Not even the one with the dog with lightning bolts on his tail and clover leafs at the border makes the cut.
We finally agree on one, branded “Leonardi”, costs Rs1,095 with a 10% discount. I urge him for more, imploring that we’re from Bombay. He refuses to relent. And so it is that I walk out with my brand new Leonardi tie. Leonardi even has a website. Which I just visited, making me believe that I was had. One born every minute or so they say.
***
Like in Bombay, there are lads selling pirated books at traffic signals. I notice “Master Plan Delhi 2021” in his hand. “Master Plan Delhi 2021” ? which I'm assuming is this. The sight of this book mingling with “How to increase your motivation, confidence and sexual prowess in three simple steps” and “The Kite-runner” refuses to leave my mind. I can’t imagine the BMC’s Master Plan for Mumbai being sold at traffic signals back here. I’m sorry I can’t.
***
Does anyone use “Boss” out here like in Bombay ? Or is it just always Sir-ji ?
***
Phone rings, I pick up: Hello?
Family-member on way to marriage: Haan beta, ye jagah (venue for the marriage) kahan pe hai? Raasta bataana
Me: Haanji, namaste, ek minute rukiye.
(off-phone to other elders gathered nearby): acha, yahaan aas-paas ke landmark kya hai ?
Elder 1: Juhu
Me: Juhu ?
Elder 2: Arre haan, Jhoo, Jhoo.
Me: Juhu ?
Elder 3: Kaisa nalaayak ladka hai, samajh mein nahin aata kya ? Chidiya ghar.
***
So there’s this area with a raised floor next to a table with high-tech audio gear and mounted lightings.
Me (to a worker): Ye kaahe ke liye hai bhai?
Worker: DJ
Me: DJ ?
Worker: Haan, DJ
Delhi guy casually strolling nearby: Haan, haan, yaha pe normal hain
Me (in thought): DJ ? in a reception ?
(Later in the night, when the music is blasting and the DJ is rolling his tracks and I’m standing at the entrance, welcoming guests)
Cute kid clutching my coat from behind: Uncle, uncle, DJ kahan hain ?
(Before I knew it, she’s found the floor, which is already occupied with some 135 kids all dancing to Bidi.)
***
Wife: What does this “Bidi” song mean?
Me : Ah, you know, because it’s cold, you have to light a bidi and then your heart goes on fire.
Wife: then why is Saif telling Bipasha "padosi ke chulhe se aag lele" ?
Me: Er..
***
Meanwhile, SAJNA KE VAARI VAARI JAU MAIN blasting on the stereo
Me: What does “vaari vaari” mean ?
Delhi guy nearby: Oye yaar, like a girl telling her lover "main tujh pe maari maari"
Wife (also nearby): Oh, like you didn't know that, did you ? Hmpf.
***
Aye duniya ootpatanga, kitthe hath te kithe taanga, atte kukdi dendi baanga, ede chak de phattey. I think I’m getting it.
***
This smart and fair Delhi guy catches me and goes: "Acha haan, aap to Bambai se hain. Oye yaar, why don’t you shift to Delhi ? Tum log ki kuch life hi nahin hai. Subhe subhe uthke kaam pe bhaag jaate ho. Your houses are so dingy. Bahut chote hain yaar. Utne paise mein you can get a bangla in Delhi. Family ke liye time nahin, saath mein chai peene ki fursat nahin. Ha ha ha. You must shift to Delhi. Acha to chaliye, nice meeting you”.
Silence
***
Monday, February 26, 2007
Mid-day introduces Mid-day Mate
No, I didn't say that. But guess who did here in this para below
Yes, focus on the second sentence if you will.
Introduced ? What does introduce mean ? Merriam Webster defines it as
The Economist stands guilty as charged. Guilty of not getting its facts right in this article (paid registration required) which appeared in a recent issue (15th Feb 2007).
I've been seeing the Mid-day Mate since 1989 (i.e. about 20 years back). Any self-respecting Mumbaikar knows that the Mid-day mate is nothing short of an institution. And its been around for ages and ages. I don't have the exact number. Do a google search if you want, you might find something. In an old post, Rashmi Bansal even ascribes Mid-day's growth in the past to this institution.
I mean, people have grown up on that one box on page 3. Carefully cut-out collections have been made, traded, envied, pursued by despots. And now, you're telling me that Mid-day has just introduced it ? I say ghanta.
The only thing that disappoints me more than the Economist's carelessness, is that the blogosphere seems to have largely ignored (save for the good Sans Serif who has correctly fisked the article for even more factual errors) this blasphemy. Sheesh.
Competition is forcing once-staid publications to spice up their content. Mumbai's Midday tabloid has introduced a bikini-clad version of Britain's topless “page-three girls”, called the “Midday mate”. Most broadsheets offer similar enticements in colourful “entertainment” sections full of Bollywood stars.
Yes, focus on the second sentence if you will.
Mumbai's Midday tabloid has introduced a bikini-clad version of Britain's topless “page-three girls”, called the “Midday mate”.
Introduced ? What does introduce mean ? Merriam Webster defines it as
1 : to lead or bring in especially for the first time
The Economist stands guilty as charged. Guilty of not getting its facts right in this article (paid registration required) which appeared in a recent issue (15th Feb 2007).
I've been seeing the Mid-day Mate since 1989 (i.e. about 20 years back). Any self-respecting Mumbaikar knows that the Mid-day mate is nothing short of an institution. And its been around for ages and ages. I don't have the exact number. Do a google search if you want, you might find something. In an old post, Rashmi Bansal even ascribes Mid-day's growth in the past to this institution.
I mean, people have grown up on that one box on page 3. Carefully cut-out collections have been made, traded, envied, pursued by despots. And now, you're telling me that Mid-day has just introduced it ? I say ghanta.
The only thing that disappoints me more than the Economist's carelessness, is that the blogosphere seems to have largely ignored (save for the good Sans Serif who has correctly fisked the article for even more factual errors) this blasphemy. Sheesh.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Tales of rum, milk and honey
The ever-reluctant but sometimes-indulgent Mishti guests here once again. Here he is with some tales rum, milk and honey.
Last night I had to meet for dinner a friend at a suburban five star hotel in Mumbai. I was early and thirsty (as usual my wife may like to add), and asked for a "bar menu". I was politely informed that it was a "dry" day and the next few days were also "dry" days, which meant NO ALCOHOL. Disappointed I ordered a fresh lime soda (sweet) and buried my head into "Saturday" (a novel by Ian McEwan), as I waited for my friend to turn up (he was arriving from Chennai).
Then I noticed that some people were being served drinks and it dawned on me that foreigners are served liquors even on dry days. They are not forced to pay respect to Gandhiji. On enquiring I learnt that even NRIs will be served liquor on producing proof of their being NRIs. That cheered me up a bit since my friend was a NRI and I promptly SMSed him to get proof of his non-resident status, which will buy us a couple to quench the thirst.
Once my friend came in he ordered two drinks - a W&S for himself and a R&C for me. And this is the fun part of it and how the law is sometimes an ass, as someone more eloquent than me had once said. The person who took our order took my friend's identification, gave it a good look up and down and noted down some numbers. He said that these details have to be sent to the Excise Department.
Imagine there is someone in that government department who is supposed to check that the hotel has genuinely sold liquor to only the ones who are permitted to drink (or who need not show their respect to Gandhiji).
I started wondering how will the hotel respond if the Excise Officer asked how and why one person was mixing his drinks by ordering R and W simultaneously and will the government ban such degenerate NRIs from coming into the country? Is mixing drinks allowed or is it against the law? Should there not be a restriction then on how much alcohol one foreigner or NRI can consume on a given day/ night?
I remember two incidents (1) once before breaking the law sitting in the environs of a five star hotel with a foreigner (gora) and quaffing a pitcher of the chilled golden brew. Then my friend's passport had ensured that we were not denied the elixir. (2) The second was related to me by a journalist friend of mine. After an awards ceremony (where else but a five star hotel), there was a dinner party. Some leader of some country had passed away and India had declare a five day mourning. The minister's and government officials were apparently under strict instructions not to partake in alcoholic revelries - that is a Government of India rule when it is declares mourning although many people drink when they are sad. So the chief guest, instead of attending the dinner, quietly slinked away to his room to have a couple. Before leaving he told my friend that if any newspaper the next day publishes his photograph with a glass in hand, then his political career could be jeopardized and therefore, he preferred to drink in the solitude of his room. I am happy to report the minister's career continues to flourish.
That brings me to why I was "inspired" to write this piece. Very early on I was once told that you command respect and you earn it, you do not demand it. So why do these state government's demand that we respect the memory of our leaders in this way? Does it really help or honor anybody, least of all the memory of a dear departed leader?
The liquor shops start telling their customers way ahead of the D-day to stock up. People who want to have a drink any way do. In fact I am told by an ex-student of IIM Ahmedabad that bottles were delivered to their dorms - this is indeed unique and must be thanks to prohibition in Gujarat because in other institutes (at least in the two I have studied), we always had to go out to buy. Their was no friendly neighborhood brewer or seller who did a door to door service. For hooch in Kharagpur, - that was all we could afford - you had to go to the den of the local madam brewer.
To respect the memory of Gandhiji, the government can take one more step. On his birthday and death anniversary, having sex in India can be banned, in respect to Gandhiji's celibacy vows and experiments. On those days condoms will not be sold and only foreigners and NRIs should be allowed to have sex (and only with their likes and not with resident Indians) in India and then report the same to the Ministry of Human Resources .
Better still, they should report beforehand their intention to engage in you-know-what so that an official of the Ministry can verify that they indeed are foreigners and NRIs. Hopefully Arjun Singh will be gainfully employed and have no time for looking at reservations and other pet issues of his. Gandhiji, by his own account, had alcohol and sex in his youth and gave up for his own reasons. How does his memory get respected by forcing his countrymen by banning alcohol in certain states and by banning alcohol sales and serving of liquor on certain days I fail to understand. I wonder how we should honor Pandit Jawahar Lal Nehru's memory?
I will end this piece with the story of a lunch that I had partaken more than a decade back.
I was visiting a factory under construction in central India in the early 90s. This town in Maharashtra also practices prohibition. The first thing the PRO of the company had done was to procure a medical certificate, which said that for health reasons he is allowed to drink and buy alcohol. A group of ten people had a boozy beery afternoon and then toddled of to pay respect to the late Mahatma in his Ashram in the city. India must be the only country where people want to get themselves certified as alcoholics and that does not carry a stigma! It is high time such silly rules and laws are dismantled. The citizens will anyway pay respect to the Mahatma if they are aware of his teachings and believe in the same. A film like "Lage raho Munnabhai" does it far better than all the Congressmen (and women), the self proclaimed upholders of Gandhiji's legacy, put together.
I am reminded of a Hindi verse learnt in school (it was by Sant Kabir or Surdas) - "kar ka man ka dari de, man ka manka pher" (drop the rosaries in your hand, and try and reform the rosary in your heart.) And meanwhile lets say three cheers for "sura".
(The intention of the author is not to hurt anyone's sentiments. My apologies in advance to anyone whose sentiments may have been hurt by some of my comments above.)
*****
Tales of rum, milk and honeyLast night I had to meet for dinner a friend at a suburban five star hotel in Mumbai. I was early and thirsty (as usual my wife may like to add), and asked for a "bar menu". I was politely informed that it was a "dry" day and the next few days were also "dry" days, which meant NO ALCOHOL. Disappointed I ordered a fresh lime soda (sweet) and buried my head into "Saturday" (a novel by Ian McEwan), as I waited for my friend to turn up (he was arriving from Chennai).
Then I noticed that some people were being served drinks and it dawned on me that foreigners are served liquors even on dry days. They are not forced to pay respect to Gandhiji. On enquiring I learnt that even NRIs will be served liquor on producing proof of their being NRIs. That cheered me up a bit since my friend was a NRI and I promptly SMSed him to get proof of his non-resident status, which will buy us a couple to quench the thirst.
Once my friend came in he ordered two drinks - a W&S for himself and a R&C for me. And this is the fun part of it and how the law is sometimes an ass, as someone more eloquent than me had once said. The person who took our order took my friend's identification, gave it a good look up and down and noted down some numbers. He said that these details have to be sent to the Excise Department.
Imagine there is someone in that government department who is supposed to check that the hotel has genuinely sold liquor to only the ones who are permitted to drink (or who need not show their respect to Gandhiji).
I started wondering how will the hotel respond if the Excise Officer asked how and why one person was mixing his drinks by ordering R and W simultaneously and will the government ban such degenerate NRIs from coming into the country? Is mixing drinks allowed or is it against the law? Should there not be a restriction then on how much alcohol one foreigner or NRI can consume on a given day/ night?
I remember two incidents (1) once before breaking the law sitting in the environs of a five star hotel with a foreigner (gora) and quaffing a pitcher of the chilled golden brew. Then my friend's passport had ensured that we were not denied the elixir. (2) The second was related to me by a journalist friend of mine. After an awards ceremony (where else but a five star hotel), there was a dinner party. Some leader of some country had passed away and India had declare a five day mourning. The minister's and government officials were apparently under strict instructions not to partake in alcoholic revelries - that is a Government of India rule when it is declares mourning although many people drink when they are sad. So the chief guest, instead of attending the dinner, quietly slinked away to his room to have a couple. Before leaving he told my friend that if any newspaper the next day publishes his photograph with a glass in hand, then his political career could be jeopardized and therefore, he preferred to drink in the solitude of his room. I am happy to report the minister's career continues to flourish.
That brings me to why I was "inspired" to write this piece. Very early on I was once told that you command respect and you earn it, you do not demand it. So why do these state government's demand that we respect the memory of our leaders in this way? Does it really help or honor anybody, least of all the memory of a dear departed leader?
The liquor shops start telling their customers way ahead of the D-day to stock up. People who want to have a drink any way do. In fact I am told by an ex-student of IIM Ahmedabad that bottles were delivered to their dorms - this is indeed unique and must be thanks to prohibition in Gujarat because in other institutes (at least in the two I have studied), we always had to go out to buy. Their was no friendly neighborhood brewer or seller who did a door to door service. For hooch in Kharagpur, - that was all we could afford - you had to go to the den of the local madam brewer.
To respect the memory of Gandhiji, the government can take one more step. On his birthday and death anniversary, having sex in India can be banned, in respect to Gandhiji's celibacy vows and experiments. On those days condoms will not be sold and only foreigners and NRIs should be allowed to have sex (and only with their likes and not with resident Indians) in India and then report the same to the Ministry of Human Resources .
Better still, they should report beforehand their intention to engage in you-know-what so that an official of the Ministry can verify that they indeed are foreigners and NRIs. Hopefully Arjun Singh will be gainfully employed and have no time for looking at reservations and other pet issues of his. Gandhiji, by his own account, had alcohol and sex in his youth and gave up for his own reasons. How does his memory get respected by forcing his countrymen by banning alcohol in certain states and by banning alcohol sales and serving of liquor on certain days I fail to understand. I wonder how we should honor Pandit Jawahar Lal Nehru's memory?
I will end this piece with the story of a lunch that I had partaken more than a decade back.
I was visiting a factory under construction in central India in the early 90s. This town in Maharashtra also practices prohibition. The first thing the PRO of the company had done was to procure a medical certificate, which said that for health reasons he is allowed to drink and buy alcohol. A group of ten people had a boozy beery afternoon and then toddled of to pay respect to the late Mahatma in his Ashram in the city. India must be the only country where people want to get themselves certified as alcoholics and that does not carry a stigma! It is high time such silly rules and laws are dismantled. The citizens will anyway pay respect to the Mahatma if they are aware of his teachings and believe in the same. A film like "Lage raho Munnabhai" does it far better than all the Congressmen (and women), the self proclaimed upholders of Gandhiji's legacy, put together.
I am reminded of a Hindi verse learnt in school (it was by Sant Kabir or Surdas) - "kar ka man ka dari de, man ka manka pher" (drop the rosaries in your hand, and try and reform the rosary in your heart.) And meanwhile lets say three cheers for "sura".
(The intention of the author is not to hurt anyone's sentiments. My apologies in advance to anyone whose sentiments may have been hurt by some of my comments above.)
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Retail in India or whither kiranas
The Indian Economy Blog had this post on how kiranas will rule despite the entry of Walmart. I've disagreed with the view and my comment got so long, I decided to post it here as well.
Here's the original post on the Indian Economy Blog, and this below is my rather long-winded, hopelessly typo-ridden comment.
Gaurav - Like you, I have no numbers to substantiate what I believe. Which is more or less in line with what Anshu has commented above, i.e. Kiranas will live - not rule. Here’s why.
I’ll limit myself to one case-study to further what I’m saying (which I also know from personal experience), i.e. Food Bazaar (part of Kishore Biyani’s retail chain, and part of what you’ve referred to above as “Big Bazaar”) at Infinity Mall, Versova. You might call the locality as “the very upper-middle-class”, but then I don’t know what you meant because you’ve not given an income level for that definition.
From what I know it will be hard for me to categorise the people coming to this store inside this very popular mall because they span almost all income categories, for example TV stars, film actors, struggling actors, gym instructors, businessmen, salaried employees, BPOs, etc, etc. Typical Mumbai suburban crowd.
Here’s what I’ve seen at this Food Bazaar
1. Huge variety - within each group, across brands, vegetables, fruits, plastic stuff, etc. etc.
2. Crowds - it’s a big place (not sure of the area, but its large) and fairly packed on weekends (as you pointed to above) with people of the variety mentioned above. What also helps is a 3-4 screen multiplex above and the mall experience.
3. Discounts - On a daily basis, they’ve got offers across almost every
category. On special occasions, such as on Republic Day this year, they had unheard-of discounts, stuff like 2 jeans for Rs500 (shitty quality, but it was there), free atta, rice, etc. etc.
4. Home Delivery - offered around the area for purchases above Rs1,000
5. Credit cards - accepted, some cards (like ICICI) even have higher reward points for co-branded Big Bazaar credit cards
The Food Bazaar Mall is about a year-18months old. Prior to that Lokhandwala Complex (which itself is huge) was almost entirely catered to by the Kirana stores. What’s changed ?
All those kirana stores are still there and doing quite fine. I’m not sure if anyone of them has shut down, but I don’t know if a single one of them is “ruling”.
I know someone who owns one of these places. Here’s his take - his profits have dropped about 25% in the last one-two years because he’s had to offer aggressive discounts, hire a couple of helps and buy cycles to for home-delivery. Sales are doing good, but his customers keep asking him for stuff he doesn’t stock because he doesn’t have space. He just expanded some time back to add more racks and store more stuff but he can’t keep pace with the variety of stuff that each brand is launching. And he can’t buy more space because property prices in Mumbai are just too high.
So, he’s worried. But here’s the good news, he’s hearing that Reliance is coming over..they’ve offered him a good deal to convert to a Reliance franchise format. He is considering that offer.
I’m tempted to give my own example (i.e. I’ve stopped going to a kirana store long time back, I prefer seeing a movie, having a beer and doing a week of shopping all at one place, on a weekend), but I don’t know if its appropriate, or if I’ll be labeled “very-upward-middle-class” (btw, is that bad ?) :)
So here’s my point - I don’t think kiranas will rule, I don’t think they will die. But they will have to get a lot more competitive. As for the Walmarts, Bhartis, Tescos, Ambanis, Biyanis, Birlas, etc. I think there’s enough room for everyone, if one were to believe the India growth story. Sure, there will be winners and there will be losers - and that’s as true for these biggies as it is for the kiranas.
I’m aware that Bombay might not be the ideal comparison for the point of this post, but I think its a fair indicator. Things might be different, but not wildly different, in other cities.
Just one last point - this bit you said But is this tie-up, which has Walmart managing only the back-end supply chain and procurement and Bharti managing the front-end, only a convenient arrangement to scale the policy barriers? Or is it something more? A strategic decision? I suspect it is more of the latter than the former.
Are you a free market proponent ? If yes, you’d not support the barriers on FDI in retail put up by the Govt, right ? But if these barriers are there, then this method (i.e. backend-MNC, front-end local) is probably the only route left to enter the retail sector, isn’t it ?
So, if you think the Bharti-Walmart tie-up is a “convenient arrangement”, then that is also the same for so many others who have followed the same route such as Tata Croma, Spar-RK Foods and Shoprite .
Thanks - would love to hear your thoughts on this.
Here's the original post on the Indian Economy Blog, and this below is my rather long-winded, hopelessly typo-ridden comment.
*****
Gaurav - Like you, I have no numbers to substantiate what I believe. Which is more or less in line with what Anshu has commented above, i.e. Kiranas will live - not rule. Here’s why.
I’ll limit myself to one case-study to further what I’m saying (which I also know from personal experience), i.e. Food Bazaar (part of Kishore Biyani’s retail chain, and part of what you’ve referred to above as “Big Bazaar”) at Infinity Mall, Versova. You might call the locality as “the very upper-middle-class”, but then I don’t know what you meant because you’ve not given an income level for that definition.
From what I know it will be hard for me to categorise the people coming to this store inside this very popular mall because they span almost all income categories, for example TV stars, film actors, struggling actors, gym instructors, businessmen, salaried employees, BPOs, etc, etc. Typical Mumbai suburban crowd.
Here’s what I’ve seen at this Food Bazaar
1. Huge variety - within each group, across brands, vegetables, fruits, plastic stuff, etc. etc.
2. Crowds - it’s a big place (not sure of the area, but its large) and fairly packed on weekends (as you pointed to above) with people of the variety mentioned above. What also helps is a 3-4 screen multiplex above and the mall experience.
3. Discounts - On a daily basis, they’ve got offers across almost every
category. On special occasions, such as on Republic Day this year, they had unheard-of discounts, stuff like 2 jeans for Rs500 (shitty quality, but it was there), free atta, rice, etc. etc.
4. Home Delivery - offered around the area for purchases above Rs1,000
5. Credit cards - accepted, some cards (like ICICI) even have higher reward points for co-branded Big Bazaar credit cards
The Food Bazaar Mall is about a year-18months old. Prior to that Lokhandwala Complex (which itself is huge) was almost entirely catered to by the Kirana stores. What’s changed ?
All those kirana stores are still there and doing quite fine. I’m not sure if anyone of them has shut down, but I don’t know if a single one of them is “ruling”.
I know someone who owns one of these places. Here’s his take - his profits have dropped about 25% in the last one-two years because he’s had to offer aggressive discounts, hire a couple of helps and buy cycles to for home-delivery. Sales are doing good, but his customers keep asking him for stuff he doesn’t stock because he doesn’t have space. He just expanded some time back to add more racks and store more stuff but he can’t keep pace with the variety of stuff that each brand is launching. And he can’t buy more space because property prices in Mumbai are just too high.
So, he’s worried. But here’s the good news, he’s hearing that Reliance is coming over..they’ve offered him a good deal to convert to a Reliance franchise format. He is considering that offer.
I’m tempted to give my own example (i.e. I’ve stopped going to a kirana store long time back, I prefer seeing a movie, having a beer and doing a week of shopping all at one place, on a weekend), but I don’t know if its appropriate, or if I’ll be labeled “very-upward-middle-class” (btw, is that bad ?) :)
So here’s my point - I don’t think kiranas will rule, I don’t think they will die. But they will have to get a lot more competitive. As for the Walmarts, Bhartis, Tescos, Ambanis, Biyanis, Birlas, etc. I think there’s enough room for everyone, if one were to believe the India growth story. Sure, there will be winners and there will be losers - and that’s as true for these biggies as it is for the kiranas.
I’m aware that Bombay might not be the ideal comparison for the point of this post, but I think its a fair indicator. Things might be different, but not wildly different, in other cities.
Just one last point - this bit you said But is this tie-up, which has Walmart managing only the back-end supply chain and procurement and Bharti managing the front-end, only a convenient arrangement to scale the policy barriers? Or is it something more? A strategic decision? I suspect it is more of the latter than the former.
Are you a free market proponent ? If yes, you’d not support the barriers on FDI in retail put up by the Govt, right ? But if these barriers are there, then this method (i.e. backend-MNC, front-end local) is probably the only route left to enter the retail sector, isn’t it ?
So, if you think the Bharti-Walmart tie-up is a “convenient arrangement”, then that is also the same for so many others who have followed the same route such as Tata Croma, Spar-RK Foods and Shoprite .
Thanks - would love to hear your thoughts on this.
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