Bombay Diaries

The journey is everything

2010-12-27T13:00:00.001+06:00

On this day, a year ago my Dad passed away from a single, and his first, cardiac arrest. From the time we broke down his door to the time I immersed his ashes, I tweeted just about everything. Since the past three years, almost my entire life is on Twitter. From my son’s birth to my dad’s death, I’ve tweeted everything. Why? Why do I share intimate details about my life with strangers? I don’t know. I wish there was a single sentence answer to that. There isn’t.

I’d like to believe my real life is boring. And that Twitter, with all its noise and chaos, is my real life. But it’s all the same. I don’t know if there is such a big difference between your real life and your online life. Time is a constant. You choose the places and the people you like. And sometimes they choose you. I got so much warmth and support from Twitter, through that period last year, that it overwhelmed me. Even today, my Dad’s first death anniversary, I got a beautiful, sensitive and supportive email from someone I’ve come to know through Twitter. It has also overwhelmed me with its warmth.

When I was going through hell last year, I got support. Absolute strangers helping me to deal with my loss. In my anger, in my grief, in my rage against things I couldn’t understand, they were there. Even at the prayer ceremony to remember my Dad, they were there. Strangers who didn’t know me beyond my daily, aimless 140-character blurts were there to be with me and give me a hug. It moved me then, it moves me now. Makes me wonder about that saying “smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone”. I cried and it seemed like the world cried with me.

I don’t know why sharing with strangers worked for me. Maybe because I’m not good at being alone, at being quiet, at being pensive. I like talking. About myself, about my very boring and ordinary life that I love and enjoy. About my mediocrity. I can also go on and on. Thankfully, I remember someone even hauling me up on Twitter last year when I became too depressive. I’m glad he did. I did slip into a depression that I’m still not sure I’ve come out of. My grief was still my own. The warmth and love and support help, but the loss is mine and I have to carry it. (Aside: This NewYorker article helped in a very big way because it questions our traditional idea of grieving).

So no, I don’t know what it is about Twitter that works. I’d be daft if I started to talk with strangers in the local train. Or roll down my windows in a traffic jam and tell people that I’m sad and depressed. They won’t care. They don’t need to. But I guess Twitter is different in how it gets us together. All of us together in a journey. Friendships and relationships can get made in journeys. We laugh and cry in journeys. We unite and fight in journeys. We love and lose in journeys. You can choose to be alone in the journey. And you can see the train go by on its journey. All that’s left in the end is the journey. I think, and as the tag line of that very famous movie goes, the journey is everything.

Bombay Taxi Documentary

2010-09-10T20:46:00.002+06:00

Azhar Chougule is one photographer I really admire, going back to when I used to blog. He now has a photographic documentary on Mumbai's taxis up at his blog.

It feels like there are more taxis than private vehicles in Bombay. As I traveled to work everyday, It took over a week to suddenly realize that I was involuntarily immersing myself each day into a painfully obvious, yet hidden, colorful and maddening world while in transit. Somewhat hesitantly, I started to carry my camera along. Then as I began to photograph the vehicles, drivers, interiors, dashboards - it occurred to me that Bombay probably has the most unique breed of hired cabs in the world. From their gaudy plastered interiors to the diversity of the drivers, each trip turned out to be ridiculously memorable.

So go ahead and check his photos out here:

Why I deleted my 4sq account

2010-06-16T20:21:00.002+06:00

I deleted my account at 4square. I did this during my recent Twitter detox and after I got a notification that someone had ousted me as Mayor of somewhere. Kinda made me realise that this 4square stuff is also about numbers.

I don't get social networks. Why do I need these numbers? Is it like some popularity thing? You know. I got so many comments on my blog, I got so many followers, I'm the Mayor of so many places. Is that some confirmation of your very cool personality? I'm sure it's great networking but I think I've had it with this obsession with numbers and fame in a place that's basically binary code.

4square was cool with all the useful tips about places, telling you what to try and what to do where. But after some time I began to feel weird when I reached out for my iPhone and rushed to check in. Why? Just so I can retain my Mayorship? Uh..like dude..it's only a website you know. You might be a Mayor but you won't be cutting ribbons. Besides, you can even create a place in your toilet pot and become it's Mayor. Yeah! Ain't no one removing me from my shit pot! Bugger off, go take a dump!

And from what I hear, you don't have to be at a place physically. You can check in wherever you want at the 4sq website. So I can check in to some cool Russian bordello sitting out here in Lower Parel? So much for authenticity. Kinda like creating bots to increase your follow count. Kinda like those spammy emails to increase your pee-pee size. Uh-huh.

Oh ok. I get that 4square is cool if you're in a new place that you don't know and you want to find the coolest, most hippest and happening thing. Yeah, I'm willing to let that once-in-a-lifetime chance pass me by. I'll use Lonely Planet or ask some dude. Or hey, there's always Twitter. Enough of all this badges, mayorships and check ins. Some real world shit too.

On Twitter detox

2010-06-12T20:50:00.002+06:00

Recently a bunch of us took a detox from Twitter. Our detox means no reading and no tweeting. No access to Twitter for 15 days.

I’ve used this break to figure out what Twitter means to me and what I’ve gotten out of it. So here goes. First, why I like Twitter.

1. The People – It’s always the people and the conversations. Kinda like Lost. The whole intricate story and all is all cool. But you’re there to see what happens to Jack, Hurley, Shephard, Locke and that bunch of weirdos. You relate to them. You converse with them. Maybe you’re even a voyeur. You like to know you’re not the only fuck-up around. You get to be your own freak show there. Fake, phony, original, whatever. There’s always some interesting people out there. You want to be around. Hey, I’ve even got all kindsa questions answered out there. From tech, to cycling to food to whateveryouwant. But the best part of it? I landed up meeting some really cool people who I’ve now come to know and like. That has got to be the biggest thing I’ve got out of Twitter so far. And it will keep making me come back to it.

2. The talking –I need to talk. I need to crib, complain, moan, groan. Or be joyous, thrilled, excited and shit like that. And I like it when there are others out there like me. I think that’s the fun part of Twitter for me. You’re there for idle chat, for enlightened debate, for arguments, for banter, for sweet nothings. Or just regular gaandmasti. The same stuff you’d do with your friends that you probably can’t do very often because you’re stuck in a boring job. Or maybe even a boring life. So I need to talk. I need to have a conversation. That’s when things get going. Which reminds me. I don’t get why people take Twitter seriously. I mean dude, it’s only a bunch of people talking. We aren’t changing the world here (but if that happens, wouldn’t that be cool too?).

3. The here and now – Or the ability to have a conversation anytime, anywhere. Like when I’m stuck in a traffic jam or at an airport or waiting for someone somewhere and stuff like that. Twitter is a great time filler. More so with a cell phone now becoming an extended digit on your hand (as someone told me my iPhone had become for me). But this is also a bit dicey because this is the part where Twitter can become an addiction. You get hooked on to it and then you start needing it. You’ve been stuck in a traffic jam before too, right? So what has Twitter done other than spread that misery? And make you addicted to spreading it. Make you addicted to thinking that people actually care. Perhaps they do. But only for that instant. For that then and there, which was a here and now for you.

And this gets to me to the second part. I needed the detox from Twitter to get away from:

1. The excesses – I tweet like mad. I once did some numbers that showed me that I could’ve written a book in the number of tweets I’ve done. That’s a helluva lot of time. On detox, all this time opened up for me. Boy, it felt weird. And it made me painfully aware of what all I can do with that time. Like write. Which is what I’m doing now. Something I’ve not done for a very long time. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. Twitter kills blogging. At least it did for me. Twitter gets you into all that stuff about people and talking and whatever I said up there. Me? I love writing. I wish I can die writing. But that oh-so-familiar over-worked lifestyle leaves me with little time to breathe, leave alone write. (Yes, I know that if you have a passion for writing you’ll write at two in the night too. No excuses there.) And whatever time I do get, I fill it with Twitter. Some of it is stray time, some of it isn’t. I’m not sure if tweeting is also writing but I believe Twitter and blogging can co-exist. With some good planning, both can happen, which is probably the best of both worlds. Add that to my to-do list.

2. The expectations – If Twitter is like a regular bunch of people, then as regular bunches of people, we begin to have expectations once know people. Impressions and perceptions are created. If you do something ‘wrong’, you will be hauled up. Maybe that’s right, maybe that’s wrong. But here’s the thing. I think we all have our shortcomings. And I think at some point we start expecting people to behave in a certain way. I think those expectations become a burden. I’m ok with imperfect people. I like imperfect people. They’re like me. I don’t think I can live up to anyone’s expectations and I don’t think I want to. I will be inconsistent. I will be biased. I will screw up. And when I think it’s wrong, I will apologise. But give me that room to goof up and don’t judge me when I do. No really don’t do that.

3. The numbers – I think Twitter fucks things up with numbers and creates phony ‘personalities’ out of mundane people. Imagine Twitter without any numbers. Can you? This whole obsession with number of followers reminds me of the blogging days when it used to be about number of comments on your post. Does it really matter? I don’t think it does. If you’re good, people will read what you have to say. If you’re good, people will talk with you on Twitter. I don’t think there’s any bigger reward.

So our Twitter detox gets over on June 15th and I’m looking forward to being back. I miss the people and the chatter. I still think I’ve gotten more out of Twitter than what it’s taken out of me. And as long as that equation stays that way, I will keep coming back to tweet.

10 Reasons why I liked Rajneeti

2010-06-05T19:18:00.000+06:00

In no particular order..

1. Loved the Mahabharat angle and the turns in the plot

2. Liked the sly grabs from Godfather (this wasn't a tribute, like Sarkar)

3. Liked every single performance. Hats off to both Ajay Devgan and Ranbir Kapoor for putting themselves in an ensemble cast. And I much prefer the Prakash Jha Ajay Devgan (Apharan and Gangajal) to the Mani Ratnam Ajay Devgan (Yuva).

4. Thought Kat Kaif was super. Yes she can actually act although you will miss that in her immense hotness (and those cribs about her accent are very yesterday, so grow up)

5. Liked Dayashankar Pandey and Chetan Pandit. Missed the other guys from Jha's crew like Yashpal Sharma and Akhilendra Mishra

6. The multi-layered story. A headline of a review I saw (not read), had the word "over-written". Whatever. I don't think politics is uni-dimensional.

7. Ranbir Kapoor. Is this guy shaping out to be good or what. After Rocket Singh, I think this is his next best movie. Enough of those good boy, saving the day roles please. Reminds me of Leonardo Di Caprio in Romeo and Juliet and then in Blood Diamond.

8. Manoj Bajpai. I have no idea where he was all these years but he just walked into this movie and left his mark. The anger is still there.

9. The songs, of which we don't get to hear much. Liked the two times they play Mora Piya. Thank God FM radio is playing that super song. Also would have liked to see more of that item number.

10. Actually I'd like anything that Prakash Jha makes. So there.

Black Friday 12th March 1993, never forget

2010-03-12T13:59:00.002+06:00

Blast 1 - 1.28pm - The Bombay Stock Exchange. 84 dead, 217 injured.

Blast 2 - 2.15pm - Narsi Natha Street. 5 dead, 16 injured.

Blast 3 - 2.25pm - Air India Building. 20 dead, 87 injured.

Blast 4 - 2.30pm - Lucky Petrol Pump, Dadar. 4 dead, 50 injured.

Blast 5 - 2.55pm - Century Bazaar. 113 dead, 227 inured.

Blast 6 - 3.05pm - Zaveri Bazaar. 17 dead, 57 injured.

Blast 7 - 3.13pm - Plaza Cinema, Dadar. 10 dead, 37 injured.

Blast 8 - 3.20pm - Sea Rock Hotel, Bandra. No one dead or injured.

Blast 9 - 3.25pm - Juhu Centaur Hotel. 3 injured

Blast 10 - 3.35pm - Airport Centaur Hotel. 2 killed, 8 injured.

"Subsequent police investigations revealed that 257 people were either killed or went missing in the blasts while 713 were injured."

Dawood Ibrahim, the main accused, is still at large.

On cycling

2010-02-28T18:09:00.004+06:00

I bought a cycle recently. On Feb 14th actually and no, it wasn’t a gift of love to myself. Not that I don’t love myself, but well, another approach was required to The Fight Against Fat (because the earlier approach of donating an annual amount to a gymnasium kept failing). I thought I’ll try it out and so I bought it. The tweets of @iphonefresh and his gang of fitness freaks (@Mehulved and @girishmallya) were instrumental towards my decision. These guys are whackos. They run marathons, cycle like hundreds of kms everyday (or a few fifties I guess, but you know what I mean). That, and the obvious curiosity of getting back to cycling after almost twenty years. And maybe this recurring dream I used to have many years ago that featured me cycling to my earlier office in Nariman Point (ok, strike out this reason for sheer bizarre value).

I didn’t know where to buy a cycle so I did what I always do. Tweet. Amit asked me to check out some stores in Santacruz. Later I would discover that there was a better shop in Bandra but, well, irrational exuberance over buying a cycle does tend to shroud the initial effort of asking oneself “Where in Bandra can I buy a cycle?”. Irrational exuberance also took me over when I saw the range of cycles there. Immediately I wanted to buy some thingamajig that sold at Rs9,000. To which the fine young lads tweeted, recommending me that I go for a basic, no-frills cycle. No point going for something so expensive if my passion for cycling didn’t last beyond the day I bought it. Made sense. I settled for a Hercules Matrix for Rs3,551 (note the 2% extra “for credit card”).

I cycled back home and boy, was it fun. But that fun lasted only for that day because the next time I rode that cycle was a week later on Feb 21st for the Mumbai Cyclothon. Now this was a super-fun experience. Waking up at 6am on a Sunday was fully worth it because the experience of standing amidst hundreds of cyclers was really amazing. Buzz and excitement were in the air and the anticipation at the “Start” line was really super. After the “Start” line was a different story. In a few seconds I was overtaken by these pro cyclers, eating dirt as they whizzed past me. I swear they were over the speed limit. But I did finish the 12km stretch and while the organizers refused to give me a certificate I could be proud of, they did give me a banana and water as refreshments after the race.

It’s now two weeks since I bought the cycle and I did go twice to Carter Road for a ride. Once in the evening, which was a nightmare, and once in the morning (much better). As you’d expect, it isn’t fun cycling in Bombay. Least of all in the evening, at a popular racing track, which is what Carter Road becomes after 8pm. Then there’s the pollution to deal with. With assorted cars, rickshaws and buses zipping by, you’re left in their jetstream taking in all they have to offer. Pedestrians aren’t better. They walk in random patterns all over the road rather than the beautiful, adjacent promenade next to it. The mornings are safer (except for this one nut-job who was, I kid you not, walking in the middle of the road), cleaner and emptier. Hell, I can even listen to music while cycling.

I’d recommend cycling to anyone. If an overweight, under-enthu guy like me can do it, anyone can. I find it more fun than the treadmills and cross-trainers at a gym (not that there’s anything wrong with that). And I also respect cyclists a whole lot more now than before. They’re taking care of their health and our environment. They aren’t asking for much, aren’t breaking any rules, causing traffic jams, or hogging road space. We need more of them. And I’d give him/her the right of way next time I encounter one on the road. You should too.

Times Now Internal Guidelines

2009-12-06T21:16:00.003+07:00

Rule1: The viewer is hard of hearing, so shout
Rule2: If it can be said, it can be said dramatically
Rule3: Any outrage is good, moral outrage is better
Rule4: It's our studio, not the guests' so interrupt him
Rule5: If the news is stupid enough to be covered, then the viewer is dumb enough to see it
Rule6: Anything can be sacrificed for speed, including the truth
Rule7: There is no truth, it's all TRP
Rule8: We believe in freedom of speech, but Arnab gets to use it the most
Rule9: Debate is spelt f-i-g-h-t
Rule10: When in doubt, provoke. When protested at, provoke. And when provoked, go for a break

(Disclaimer: These are, quite obviously, not official guidelines. So please don't sue me. Or threaten legal action)

26/11 Never Forget

2009-11-25T23:15:00.002+07:00

26th November 2008: 172 dead as under. [Source]

CST: 58

Nariman House: 9 (includes 2 terrorists, 1 Marine Commando)

Oberoi: 32 (includes 2 terrorists, 10 staff)

Taj: 33 (includes 4 terrorists, 11 staff, 1 NSG Commando)

Cafe Leopold: 10 (includes 2 staff)

Girgaum Chowpatty: 2 (one terrorist, one policeman)

Cama & Albless: 8 (includes 6 policemen)

Metro: 1 (policeman)

Vile Parle: 2

Dockyard Road: 3

The Deepwish Tweets

2009-10-18T11:28:00.017+07:00

PLEASE NOTE: ALL UPDATES ON THIS ARE NOW AT ANAGGH'S BLOG

Over at Twitter we're holding a charity drive. An idea that started here is now getting bigger.

A bunch of twitterers are contributing towards Goonj, a charity for the girl child. For each Diwali wish you make (use the hashtag #Deepwish) the following amount per tweet will go towards the charity. Anaggh will update his blog post with details of the charity. The drive ends Monday 9pm.

Here are the contributors

@Anaggh Rs0.75
@Aneebunee Rs1.00
@Atulkarmarkar Rs2.50
@b50 Rs1.00
@fartfree Rs1.00
@hp_livelife Rs2.00
@iamshishir Rs2.00
@krist0ph3r Rs1.00
@Nichetechie Rs1.50
@Nihang Rs2.00
@PreetChandhoke Rs5.00
@prolificd Rs1.25
@Rak35h Rs1.00
@s4sukhdeep Rs0.50
@Shayonpal Rs3.00
@sizzler_chetan Rs1.00
@Sudhiru Rs1.00
@unitechy Rs0.50
@virajj Rs3.00

TOTAL Rs31.00

One city, one wall

2009-08-17T14:14:00.007+07:00

We needed this. A single place that's an expression. Every city has it's own graffiti. Other than the scrawlings on local train compartments of unrequited love and directions to the Baba who promises a cure for your non-performance in bed, Bombay never had it's own graffiti. And we didn't ask for it. Till The Wall Project this weekend. What a brilliant effort. And the result is there for everyone to see.

It's everything Bombay. There's the Generation Next painting with gusto. Everyone has a point to make. The sign of our times.

Che Guevara rubs shoulders with Bhagat Singh.

The Beatles.

Recession.

Global warming.

And if you go there, don't miss the bemused pavement dweller. This was his home. Till the BMC demolished every single hut that existed on the road. And made it sparkling clean. And gave much required parking space for school buses, trucks and tempos. I guess that's collateral damage. At least the fancy buildings in the vicinity can get a good price - "Tulsi Pipe Road pura saaf kar diya".

Don't miss the bemused pavement dweller. This is his home. He sleeps there. He lives there. Five feet of length to sleep on and live on. His home. His wall too.

That's Bombay for you. A collective expression of everything this mad city is. Poverty, art, graffiti. Youth, old, impoverished, rich. Slums, high-rise. Collective chaos. One expression. One wall. One city.

7/11 Never Forget

2009-07-11T14:18:00.000+07:00

6.24pm Khar Road - Santacruz
6.24pm Bandra - Khar Road
6.25pm Platform 1, Jogeshwari
6.26pm Platform 3, Mahim
6.29pm Mira Road - Bhayandar
6.30pm Matunga Road - Mahim Junction
6.35pm Platform 4, Borivali
(Source)

11 minutes
7 blasts
186 dead
544 seriously injured
312 suffered minor injuries
(Source)

The families of blast victims Parag Sawant and Amit Singh who lie in coma to this date, haven't forgotten. And neither should we.

India acquires the world

2009-05-26T17:52:00.003+06:00

Today's front pages of The Times of India and Indian Express:

I've never understood why what we Indians do on the global centre stage should be worth more than a few words in the back pages of a national daily, if at all. I mean what's the logic of relegating the Punjab riots news to some corner, in the face of Bharti's plans? With all due respect to Mr. Mittal, the market doesn't like his acquisition plans (if you go by the stock price's 10% fall in the last two trading sessions).

But obviously the TOI thinks Bharti's plans are of burning importance to it's readers. Why? The Economic Times had a section on Thursdays called The Great Indian Takeover. Who are we taking over? When? Where? And why should I care?. Oh wait, is the explanation this - with the newspaper market moving to smaller towns and cities, the aspirational reader has to be served with these 'feel-good' news. Perhaps this fits in with the overall theme (as I call it) of Shining India versus Chee Chee India. And this theme, I think, was best displayed in TOI's India Poised campaign. While I found that campaign fit in very well in the WTF tag, the Amitabh-over-the-sealink video was forwarded enthusiastically by everyone's aunt, cat and dog. It found its target.

And now look at the front pages today. One India is planning to takeover the world. The other India keeps fighting. Which India do you want?

Word of the day

2009-05-26T16:14:00.002+06:00

(Via Urban Dictionary)
Manufactured outrage:

A falsified righteous outrage at things that are basically unimportant and meaningless, frequently employed by politicians, political activists, or the media. Politicians and talking heads use it to garner support for their causes, to claim the moral high ground and to tar their opponents; the media often just uses it in a cynical bid to increase ratings.

Which reminds me of the Times of India. And that chota post, coming up next.

On the markets

2009-05-13T11:46:00.005+06:00

I've constructed a very elementary chart tracking the 2000 post-tech bubble crash and comparing it with the current one. Indice levels have been re-based to 100 for better comparison. Now, to put things in perspective..

In the 2000 fall:
1. The Nifty hit its all-time high of 1,756 on 11th Feb 2000, when the tech bubble burst
2. From that level it fell to a low of 854 on 21st Sep 2001(post 9/11) - a correction of 51%
3. In the interim there were many rallies but the pattern of lower-tops-lower-bottoms persisted
4. From the bottom in Sep-01, the Nifty saw a huge 40% rally which lasted for five months, and saw the Nifty peaking at 1,193 in March-03
5. From here, the Nifty stagnated till Aug-03, before taking off again
6. Finally, in Dec-03, the Nifty regained it's earlier high of 1,756 in Dec 2003 – almost four years after the tech bubble crash

So far in the 2008 crash:
1. The Nifty hit its all-time high of 6,288 on 8th Jan 2008, when the US financial crisis triggered a collapse in global equity markets
2. In less than 10 months, the Nifty fell to a low of 2,524 on 27th Oct 2008 - a correction of 60%
3. Once again - there were many rallies but the pattern of lower-tops-lower-bottoms persisted
4. The Nifty came close to testing the low of 2,524 once again in March 2009. However, the low held out and from there the Nifty rallied to a high of 3,681 yesterday - a move of 46%

The comparison is a crude one and ignores economic realities as well as the role of liquidity. But there are enough similarities. Bottoms are made when everyone expects the markets to fall another 50% after falling 50%. No wonder then that it was fashionable to be negative around Diwali (when the Nifty hit 2,524) and for a lot of time after that. When in doubt, sell the shit out. That's the only way you preserve capital.

But in March this year, around the time when the Nifty looked to going back to its Diwali level, a lot of veterans (like Mark Mobius and Jeremy Grantham) got their global equities call right. On hindsight, maybe they figured that a commodities rally had to be followed by an equities rally. Not surprisingly they didn't have many believers.

No wonder then, that this rally - arguably the sharpest in any bear market in India – has taken the wind out of many investors sails. It had disbelievers from Day 1. It was called the Seinfeld rally because it was a rally about nothing. In the end, those fund managers who were extolling the virtues of holding cash were left hopelessly out as even index funds beat them hollow. Those who had taken the risky call of being fully invested - this gent in particular - turned out tops.

If you're a fund manager, you can't ignore a 50% move on an indice and laugh it off as a suckers rally. It's painful, believe me. You have to answer to many people. Least of all the retail investors who most likely didn't have the money or the guts to invest when the market gave them the opportunity not once but twice.

But it's not over. It never is. The old highs are a long way away. This crash was far more sharp and swift as compared to 2000. It might not even be over. As we saw in 2000, it took a long time for the market to find its bottom. And even when it did, it didn't exactly blaze away to glory. After the first rebound, there was enough time when the indices basically did nothing. And that was the time to invest - again courtesy hindsight.

What’s the bottomline? My thoughts as under:
1. Can the Nifty go back to 2,524? Of course it can. If the US financial crisis and the US recession throw up nasty surprises, anything is possible. But China seems to be getting its act together. And there must be something to the whole green shoots thing. Besides, Wall Street needs to keep up the positive-optimism act. So even if the news is bad, a Lehman-style Armageddon now seems unlikely. The next disaster might well be a very well managed, controlled implosion.

2. What about India? A 45% move on any index in two months is such a mouth-watering opportunity to short. And yet no one has the guts to do it. I think the Election results won't matter to the markets. Maybe in the short term, but not in the long term. India's economy runs despite the Government and not because of it. But in the backdrop of this 45% up move, a correction seems very likely. A comparison to the 2000 crash confirms that. If an adverse verdict (Third Front Govt) triggers this correction, so be it.

3. Buy in the correction? I don't want to get into recommendations on my blog. I know I had said that my Dec-2009 target for the Sensex was 9,000. And look what's already happened. So here's the deal - I'm putting my money in this correction. You need to figure what you want to do. Because if the 2000-2003 comparison holds out this time as well, then it shouldn't take the markets more than 2-3 years to get back to its earlier high. Do the math - it's a lot better than putting your money in fixed-income. But obviously a lot riskier too.

The usual disclaimer: These are my personal views and I have money invested in the market across stocks and mutual funds.

Why Twitter Killed The Blogging Star

2009-05-11T19:00:00.003+06:00

(due apologies). Here's why I think why:

1. It's quick: That's why they call it micro-blogging. Contrast this with writing a long post. I'm not saying posting is better than tweeting. But tweeting is quicker than posting. There's just a "send" button and no "publish" button. You get what I mean.

2. It's always on: Thanks mainly to my mobile phone, which is always on and with me wherever I go. I've not tried writing a blog post on my cell phone and I won't. I know it's too tedious. But Tweetie is the most used app on my iphone. And my data usage is many times more than my voice usage on my cell phone. That kinda tells you it's own story.

3. It's about nothing: With due apologies to Seinfeld, but you can tweet anything. Yeah I know that's what they said about blogging too. But this is different. For example: even though there is an entire blog post in this tweet - "The day someone explains to me what Viva La Vida (the song) is about, I will be grateful. For some reason I can't explain I know St. Peter.." I don't know if I can add more to that thought. (btw, on Coldplay, do read Sasha Frere Jones' take on Coldplay - especially the bit on the lyrics of the ipod song)

4. It's an ego trip: You'd kill to have someone called "sexyhawt69" following you even if you realise later it's just a bot. See the words "follow", "follower" and "following". And then the words "post", "comment", "trackback". 50 comments on your post or 50 new followers in 10 days? Go figure.

5. It's voyeuristic: I just have to know what you're doing to. Digging your nose, sitting on a bus, having a miserable day, angry, happy, joy, sad. What is about our mundane lives that makes others more excited than us? Who knows. But go write a blog post that talks about what you did from morning to night. And then write 10 tweets over 10 hours. No, really do it, to understand what I mean. And then tell me. Because I've not figured it out myself.

6. It's a conversation: This is the part I enjoy the most. A blog post is a monologue, followed by some more monologues in the form of comments. Twitter is conversation. It happens by the minute and goes haywire. No waiting for a response. I've had long tweet debates over politics, music, tech, and a whole lotta more stuff. Sometimes one-on-one and then with two-three people. It's as close as I can get to a real life conversation.

7. It's about who you follow: And not about who follow you (as Twilight Fairy - who introduced me to Twitter - told me early on). I've met some hugely fun people with whom I tweet on a daily basis. And even I'm surprised at what all I've tweeted to absolute strangers. From my son's birth (live between 12am and 8am last year), to his naming and re-naming, to when I was in the ICU a few months back with chest pain. I don't know if I like sharing or I just get a kick out of people staring at my life. Who knows. It's fun.

So here's the deal: It's not that I'm obsessed with Twitter. Or that I'm bored with blogging. It's just that for the last one odd year whatever I've been thinking has been expressed better in a few seconds and in a few words. Which is the other thing about Twitter. You have to shrink everything in those few words. All your emotions and feelings and your very boring life. Which never interested anyone on a blog post. Is suddenly the only thing you want to tweet about. And others want to read about.

I don't think Twitter is even comparable to blogging. There is a joy in writing a post that no 140char tweet can ever replace. Which is the other thing about Twitter. If it shrinks your words, it shrinks your span of attention too. Not something I want on a permanent basis. I will always love to blog. I will always want to blog. If I had the time and patience to sit and type. Like I did today.

Black Friday 1993, never forget

2009-03-12T16:39:00.002+06:00

Friday, 12th March 1993.

Blast 1 - 1.28pm - The Bombay Stock Exchange. 84 dead, 217 injured.

Blast 2 - 2.15pm - Narsi Natha Street. 5 dead, 16 injured.

Blast 3 - 2.25pm - Air India Building. 20 dead, 87 injured.

Blast 4 - 2.30pm - Lucky Petrol Pump, Dadar. 4 dead, 50 injured.

Blast 5 - 2.55pm - Century Bazaar. 113 dead, 227 inured.

Blast 6 - 3.05pm - Zaveri Bazaar. 17 dead, 57 injured.

Blast 7 - 3.13pm - Plaza Cinema, Dadar. 10 dead, 37 injured.

Blast 8 - 3.20pm - Sea Rock Hotel, Bandra. No one dead or injured.

Blast 9 - 3.25pm - Juhu Centaur Hotel. 3 injured

Blast 10 - 3.35pm - Airport Centaur Hotel. 2 killed, 8 injured.

"Subsequent police investigations revealed that 257 people were either killed or went missing in the blasts while 713 were injured."

Dawood Ibrahim, the main accused, is still at large.

My 10 predictions for 2009. Not.

2008-12-28T13:08:00.003+06:00

(Or my list of top 10 things that I hope don't happen in 2009)

1. Sensex at 31-Dec-2009 will be around 9,000

2. Raj Thackeray will be in the news once again

3. The new, new Member of Parliament (post 2009 General Elections) will be older, richer and more criminal (ref)

4. Real estate prices in Bombay will bottom out by June-July and start rising by Diwali

5. Aamir Khan will trump both Sharukh and Akshay Kumar in Bollywood

6. Twitter will be acquired by someone

7. The iPhone 3rd generation will make me dump my iPhone 3G

8. Bombay's road traffic by end-2009 will make 2008 look peaceful

9. Another face will join Rakhi Sawant, Sambhavna Seth and Shobaaaa De for popularity

10. Transformers 2 will suck

Another date added

2008-11-30T20:36:00.004+06:00

26th November 2008: ~~192 (so far)~~ (the 192 number was picked up from here)

26th November 2008: 172 as under. [Source]
CST: 58
Nariman House: 9 (includes 2 terrorists, 1 Marine Commando)
Oberoi: 32 (includes 2 terrorists, 10 staff)
Taj: 33 (includes 4 terrorists, 11 staff, 1 NSG Commando)
Cafe Leopold: 10 (includes 2 staff)
Girgaum Chowpatty: 2 (one terrorist, one policeman)
Cama & Albless: 8 (includes 6 policemen)
Metro: 1 (policeman)
Vile Parle: 2
Dockyard Road: 3

Added to these
12th March 1993: 257 [Source]
11th July 2006: 186 [Source]
For the record there are more: (Chronology in part here)

December 2 2002: 2 killed (Bus outside Ghatkopar Railway Station) [Source]

December 6 2002: 25 injured (McDonald's in Mumbai Central Railway Station)
[Source]

January 27, 2003: 30 injured (Vile Parle Railway Station) [Source]

March 13, 2003: 11 dead (bogie of a local train at Mulund Railway Station) [Source]

July 28, 2003: 4 killed (BEST bus near Ghatkopar Railway Station) [Source]

August 25, 2003: 52 dead (Gateway of India and Zaveri Bazaar)
[Source]

Thank you US and your financial crisis

2008-10-07T19:52:00.001+06:00

Some thank yous going out because I feel good I'm in India. Here goes,

- Thank you black market: For having such a large presence in the Indian housing sector. Were it not for your preponderance, we'd have all kinds of regulations and control. We still do but even you know how that works.

- Thank you politicians: For having the foresight to grab all the land you could. Before anyone else, it was you who realised that without a house, there can't be a housing crisis.

- Thank you Government: For being so occupied in grabbing land, defending archaic real-estate laws, tweaking FSI and going tipsy in urban planning norms. If you weren't, you might have created a Fannie, Freddie or Sally here in India (what would you call it? Mortgages United National Association, i.e. Munna? or Public Mortgages of India Enterprises, i.e. Pummie?). Full marks for staying away (officially) from the housing market in India.

- Thank you builders: For holding on to your fantastic profit margins. Your steadfast refusal to cut the prices of your homes means that no one is buying your houses any longer. And if people stop buying houses, then how can there be a housing crisis? (PS: We admire your firm belief that Ma Durga, Lord Kuber, Lord Rama and the accompanying Gods in the coming festive season will shower riches on your prospective buyers who will then buy your houses.)

- Thank you banks: For holding on to your pants. For not going overboard in throwing money to people at Churchgate Station and Dadar to buy houses through your loans. For not then packaging these loans as attractive investments for other banks to buy and sell.

- Thank you RBI: For keeping banks under check. Even if there's only so much you can do when every bank and their aunts wants to offer money to builders and home-buyers, you realised early that this shit can blow up and went to DEFCON 1 by increasing risk weightage on mortgages.

- Thank you citizens of India: For understanding what flat broke feels like. For paying your credit card bills on time. For buying houses to live in and not to bet on. For paying your home loans on time. And more than anything else for saving.

- And special thanks to that person who coined the saying "aamdani athani, kharcha rupaiya" warning many generations that, well, you can't spend more than you earn. Duh. If only that one small country in the West had heard it earlier, perhaps this world might have looked different today.

Morons and oxymorons

2008-09-16T20:37:00.003+06:00

Days like these, I'm wondering if "Intelligent Investor" is an oxymoron. Or a moron any which way. From Drexel to Barings to Lehman, doesn't it seem like Wall Street never learns? Say it again now - there's a sucker born every minute. And no one gets smarter. These Americans have made it into an art.

Interesting post over at the WSJ Intelligent Investor blog with stuff like this:

Question authority. If the financial world really were coming to an end, nobody would know it -- least of all the pundits who are currently crying doom. In 1929, experts ranging from the legendary trader Jesse Livermore to John D. Rockefeller and Treasury Secretary Andrew Mellon all declared that falling stock prices were nothing to worry about. They were wrong. The lesson is not that it's a mistake to be an optimist in falling markets, but rather that it's a mistake to trust the consensus view of the experts. With the mood on Wall Street now as dark as a mushroom farm, optimists are much more likely than pessimists to be proven right in the end.

Reminds me of my own post in March. We've got enough kooks and fruitcakes on Dalal Street doling out their own Sensex targets and their own reasoning. Often most of these range from the utterly banal (global meltdown) to the boringly predictable (the charts are looking good). Go figure.

The only thing I know is that profit = selling price - cost price. Buying low and selling high is incredibly tough in markets like these. But it's also the text book definition of profit. Not sure how many have heard of it.

Big Daddy

2008-08-30T11:49:00.005+06:00

Say hello to Baby B.

I'm finding it a bit weird to blog about becoming a father. But then, it seems to be dawning on me everyday when I look at Baby B. Some thoughts so far.

B Day: We were lucky to have labour pains that lasted for about 6 hours. I say lucky because we were next to a couple who were in the labour room for more than a day. And I've heard enough cases, including some at the pre-natal class that I was dragged to (and I'm glad I went), where labour was excruciatingly painful and you can't do anything till the cervix has dilated enough.

On Men: Seeing it through with my wife convinced me of something that I've believed in for some time now. Us men, we have it too easy. If we had to take even 10% of labour pain, we'd be headed out for a smoke or a beer - our preferred pain alleviation - within 10 seconds: which is perhaps our equivalent of asking for the epidural at the first sign of Braxton Hicks. I'm glad nature didn't make the father the mother. We'd be lousy at it.

Lessons: The biggest thing I learnt is that being pregnant, having a baby and delivering a child are all different things. None of them is easy. It's the biggest turning point for a couple in their lives. Far more for the woman than the man. And all of it takes time, even if time flies. So, what they show in the movies, believe me, is really meant for entertainment. Not much of it is from real-life and I doubt you'd want to see real-life on a Saturday night at a multiplex.

Life 2.0: I'm a bit surprised at how I've taken to twitter. Standing there alone in the maternity ward at 3am, I was busy tweeting. Yeah well, what's to hide? The...support(!)..I was getting from the lads there (and thanks to everyone who were tweeting back!) was very helpful. Always glad to have someone around at nervous moments. I was overwhelmed by the wishes that came in - and thanks again everyone for that.

I have no idea how things go from here. I think it's called life. For a control freak like me, all this is proving to be a bit unsettling. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Life is full of moments. And this was the biggest one for me so far.

PS - As luck would have it, I also got my iPhone that day. Awesome device, awful phone.

PPS - Only two photos uploaded so far and I don't think I'm uploading any more too soon. Too many kooks out there.

Hibernation

2008-07-18T13:15:00.004+06:00

This blog is on a break. As was painfully obvious, posting had dropped. Neither thoughts nor words are constrained but time is. As R.E.M. said "Oh, life is bigger."

See you soon.

In the words of The Gubernator, I'll be baak.

If you have to buy me a gift

2008-07-04T20:30:00.005+06:00

Then let this be it.
Anything from here will also be cool. Thanks in advance.

PS - I'm restarting from Season 6, Part 1, Episode 75. I just don't want to see everything at one go. Things like this..you just want it to last.

PPS - And why now? Because I read this today while waiting for a, well, doctor. And talking of which, this bit from the last episode I saw.

In Dr. Melfi's office, Tony laments about people lining up for thrill rides. "They pay money to almost puke." She asks if he's bored. Tony claims he continues to feel that every day is a gift, but "Does it have to be a pair of socks?"

Briefly mentioned

2008-06-20T19:47:00.007+06:00

You've heard it before so I won't say it again. I'm tied up with stuff and I've falling back on posts. So there. Meanwhile, some of the interesting things I've come across posted below for your perusal

1.[From FT] Lucy Kellaway on office barbs: Corporate life can be fun. Ask Lucy. In this brilliant column she gives a rundown of the euphemisms hurled at you and what they really mean. I've been fortunate to have worked for a largely-no-bullshit organisation which worked on a bulwark management principle of "Positive feedback is assumed. Negative feedback will be conveyed." (Yes, this has been told to be by my one-time boss). Nowithstanding that, one of my favourite barbs was "We should also look at..." and variations like "Why don't you talk about..". (v. similar to "Have you thought about.." mentioned in Lucy's column). Go read and add your own.

2. [From the BBC]: 50 office-speak phrases you love to hate: Reminds me of what I'd posted here.

2. [From FT] David Simon's interview: The Wire (recommended by my good friend Purush) was arguably the best serial on American television in recent times. And only HBO would air it. I've seen Season 1 on DVD and am waiting for my DVD-wallah to update his library with subsequent seasons. I liked this interview for its descriptions of the series..

The Wire will have none of the trite improbabilities that carefully pilot most movie and television dramas towards their wholesome dénouements. It speaks of a society that is riven, rabid with corruption and frequently wrong-headed. Nothing if not ambitious in its scope, each series treats a different aspect of American society in its overarching narrative: starting with the drug scene, then taking on unemployment, local politics, education and ending with the media.

..and this haunting quote from Simons:

Why doesn’t he write a boy-meets-girl story? “No, I wouldn’t be any good at it.” He says he has problems with female characters. “My strongest female character so far is a lesbian [Kima Greggs, one of The Wire’s police officers].” So where does a viewer find hope in his stories? “In the actions of individuals. In those characters in The Wire who rear up on their hind legs against injustice. The mere act of standing up and speaking for something that is right is a fundamental human victory, even if nothing comes from it.”

3. Back to something funny. I don't know if this is truly Rocky J's blog, but who cares. This is a hilarious post on how Rocky J convinces Vinod Khanna to make a movie on two warring brothers and one South African telecom company. Howlarious. Much fun much required when the markets are causing muchos grief.

4. [From Bloomberg] One more on the markets (via The God in the Middle East): A high-profile analyst at a multinational brokerage ends a 12-year career. During his stint, he also wrote an anon London newspaper column making fun of analysts. Predictably, he's writing a book, which includes this bit:

At one point, Jones, who's been negotiating to switch firms, gets a phone call with an offer: basic pay of 100,000 pounds ($197,000) and two guaranteed bonuses of 250,000 pounds.

``What a total buffoon!'' Jones says of the person making the offer. ``These total losers think that I'm worth almost 700,000 pounds over the next year-and-a-half. Don't they realize I'm just a stoner hippy who got lucky?''

I'm thinking Jack Welch.

5. And finally via The D Man: The Trident at Nariman Point, Mumbai, like you've never seen it before. Hell, even I want to take a photo like that.

On lifts

2008-06-01T20:50:00.005+06:00

Firstly, it's 'lift'. I've never heard anyone in Bombay calling it an 'elevator'. So it's lift, not elevator (I mean, imagine Adnan Sami going "Elevate kara de").

My favorite lift story is when we were at this friend’s house. While leaving, I stuck my chewing gum on the "G" button (I figured ground floor’s the most used one) of his lift. I shaped it around the white button, stuck it and left – much disaster, agony, gaali-galoch in his housing society followed. Yes, that was a very tough patch for our friendship. Poor guy.

So, this post is about lifts and the fact that I've been kinda fascinated by them. Terrified of escalators (for which I'm duly mocked at by family and friends), but kinda fascinated by lifts. As a kid it was the whole Superman thing - entering a lift with normal clothes and flying out of the terrace, all caped and red undies and stuff (ok, the undies didn't figure then). As an adolescent, well, if you've heard Aerosmith, you know what I mean. And now - or at least till I worked at an office - I've been fascinated at the great Indian lift culture.

I think lift culture forms an essential part of societal norms and urban life. As long as you are in a mode of transport, there is an established code for behaviour. In a local train you move towards the door when your station's about to come. If you're driving, you stick to certain lanes (yeah right). If you're in a bus, you keep your money ready when the conductor's around. You know, there's an order, a discipline. Small things that keep life in a city calm and peaceful. More importantly, it's part of an important mechanism for survival (or as I know it - getting to office on time.)

I've observed some cogs in the wheel of this lift culture machinery. You know, some trends and types. Like this.

1. The dash - Even before you enter your lobby, from the corner of your eye you notice that of the four lifts in the lobby, only one is boarding - and people are rushing in. This gets out the Carl Lewis or P. T. Usha in you. This is the single most important dash of the day. If you rewind the moment, you can see yourself, in full formals, running, chest heaving, drops of sweat falling off the brow, running to that one lift. Think Chariots of Fire. Think glory, think victory.

2. Being Noah - In the absence of a lift-man, if you happen to be the one near the dashboard, then you, yes you are the man. Sure, others will jab your six packs trying to push the floor button and someone from the back will shout "Boss, jara 10th floor". But dude, you are Noah. This is your ark. You have to herd everyone away from the flood. In short press "door close" and let's move it. Oh and don't forget the expression of Carl Lewis on the other side as the doors close. He didn't make it, I did. Life hai.

3. Low life - May the Lords despatch to hell those who press the "up" button when they want to go "down". May he have fungus-infected underwear for the rest of his life. So the door opens and you see this guy who asks "Neeche?". It brings out the Uruk Hai in you. After all, there is no stretch of logic to justify an action like that. Motion is simple. Up is up and down is down. This lift can't go down mid-way, when it's going up. And certainly not when Mogambo is in it. Now die, filthy mortal. You say "No" calmly. Humanity wins.

4. Desperado - See, pressing the "Lift" button 534 times in 10 seconds won’t get the lift to you quicker. No, really. There's electronics, physics, hydraulics, engineering going behind that door, behind that button. Stuff you won’t understand, stuff that has made people Noble laureates. So it doesn't matter if you keep pressing. I know you belong to an era of collapsible gate lifts when you'd shout out "Lift" and lo and behold, like a nymph from the skies, like an apsara, a lift would float in front of you. No. It's not like that any more. So wait. Be quiet. Save the energy.

So, these were my few observations. Love to know yours.

And if, like me, you’re looking for the answers to these questions:
1. Oh horror, my lift’s falling and I’m going to die. Should I jump out just before it hits the ground?
2. Oh horror, my lift’s….should I just hug the floor of the lift?

..actually even if you’re not thinking those questions, just read this excellent New Yorker piece on elevators, “Up and down: the lives of elevators by Nick Paumgarten”. Brilliant stuff.

Ad nauseam

2008-05-14T18:22:00.004+06:00

On more than one occasion, I've said rather lamely here, and at my other blog, that "I am busy and I will come back". Ad nauseam to myself. Fact is blogging doesn't pay my bills and fact is that much as I'd love to pen down all my thoughts here, it's just not possible (and that's why I love twitter). Also, I can't get myself to regularly link to interesting stuff I read, throw in funny comments and post here (and I quite admire those who do that so well).

And now that I've covered all those things, here's the deal. I've not blogged for some time on both my blogs and I think that sucks. There have been enough moments when I've thought and re-thought on whether I should even stop blogging altogether but that's not an option for me (unfortunately it was for this self-confessed loony blogger).

So, yet again I'll say what I've said - I will be back (as a popular Hindi song so succinctly put it - sinful stomach's question it is). Till then in an effort to explain why I blog, I shall conveniently link to the Iengar Chick's excellent cartoon-filled post on "Top 10 Reasons to be a blogger". #3 is enough for me.

Vodafone's brilliant ad campaign

2008-05-04T13:03:00.003+06:00

The minute I saw the new Vodafone ads I knew that the pug represents the customer. The customer who haplessly and tirelessly runs around everyone at Vodafone's legendary call centres. I'm guessing the brilliant ad agency who made this will sweep all ad awards.

Any Vodafone customer knows that the transition from Hutch to Vodafone has moved an already abysmal customer service to an unthought of new depth (been to their "customer service centre lately? what's the longest you've been kept on hold? try and beat my record of 38minutes).

And it is exactly this that is being advertised and celebrated by Vodafone, i.e. we're happy to provide you with "customer executives" that you can breathlessly chase after because ha, ha, ha we sure as hell ain't gonna give you any service.

Your call dropped? You can't get reception in your house while other networks can? Oh, we overbilled you did we? Choose from hundreds of such options. Whatever the problem, we sure as hell aren't gonna solve it. But guess what, we're happy to help you with a chance to run around us, ha, ha, ha, geddit?

The day number portability is launced I will gladly pay to get rid of this execrable, abominable and truly pathetic mobile phone service that is one of the best illustrations of the the term fubar.

[PS: also read this post from what might well be the diary of Rocky J. Or not.]

Gone baby gone and inner city decay

2008-04-22T19:39:00.004+06:00

This has got to be one of the best movies I've seen in recent times. An earlier non-existent respect for Ben Affleck is now at a high. (Although to be fair, I should also state my admiration for his and Matt Damon's Oscar-winning original script for the brilliant "Good Will hunting").

Casey Affleck's performance took some time to get used to during the movie, mainly because you're expecting so much more emotion from someone in his role. Rather than waste words, I'll just quote Manohla Dargis

Most actors want you to love them, but Casey Affleck doesn’t seem to know that, or maybe he doesn’t care. Patrick doesn’t cuddle or kiss up. He takes the job Bea offers despite the reluctance of his live-in girlfriend and partner, Angie (a solid Michelle Monaghan), but he doesn’t look like anyone’s idea of a savior. With his sneakers and jeans and small-man’s swagger, he comes off like one of those toughs who never leave the neighborhood and would sooner swing a bat at your head than at a ball.

Old reliables Ed Harris and Morgan Freeman's deliver predictably strong performances. On the ratings front, no surprise then that the movie gets a 93% fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes

But leave aside all that. I loved the movie for the beauty of the camera work. And this, expectedly as the DVD features showed, was a key element of the movie. From the first frame to the last, city and community form the vivid canvas for the movie. Some scenes of decay reminded me of HBO's path-breaking and recently concluded "The Wire" (whose depiction of inner city decay was of course on a totally different and deeper level).

Also, if you are going to see the movie look out for the opening and closing lines. Haunting lines of dialogue. I haven't read the book, but if I eventually do, I'll write that down as one of the rare cases of a movie making me want to read the book.

Inner city decay on film has always been an issue close to my heart and I wish it was delved into depth more often in India. And no, despite it's alluring title, I do not include the tepid "Life in a Metro" because that movie was more characters and not city. And no that Irrrffann Khan line of "Ye shehar bahut deta hai aur usse jyaada leta hai" left me unmoved. Yawn.

Still, I shouldn't crib because there's still so much better cinema with Bombay as an integral, even central, character. This theme was explored on this blog in the Reel Life Bombay series where fellow bloggers Filmiholic and Punds were kind enough to pen some fine posts on Bombay in movies. Do read and let me know if you've seen any movie where you also remember the city it was shot in.

[Disclaimer: For those expecting racy, exciting, detective, murder-mystery kinda stuff that makes you fall from your chair every 10 seconds and leaves you bum sore, please don't see this movie.]

Let's see how far we've come

2008-04-14T20:17:00.003+06:00

I haven't heard as many songs of Rob Thomas and Matchbox Twenty, but what I've heard ("Bent", "If you're gone" and Thomas' single "Streetcorner Symphony"), I've really liked.

But "How far we've come" is the best so far and it's currently on repeat mode on my player (just like Speed of Sound was once). Then I checked out the video and totally tripped on it too.

Brilliant song, seemingly introspective and definitely a commentary on the world if the video is anything to go by. A video of that kind, with clips of some of the most unforgettable moments in history, really takes the song to a different level.

I don't know why it reminded me of Billy Joel's "We didn't start the fire", a song which also had a great video, which you can see here (embedding disabled by the poster, a certain, er, billyjoel. huh.)

Good music, I tell you, can change stuff. Ah. Must hear it hear it again.

Life post break

2008-04-08T19:26:00.002+06:00

is different. Bombay post break is different. Three short scenes on this different life so far. Thoughts and comments, as always, welcome.

*****

When did this being on break become cool? We (self and wife) were out for an evening walk the other day and I get a call from someone I know who was – as the term goes – slogging away at office. And it’s not the first one of these types I’ve got. Now I don’t think I’m appearing cool because it’s a decision I took and remember it’s you who’s getting the monthly paycheck. But if you’re gonna shower me with all the “lucky you, how does it feel” thing, then well, what do you expect? So here, this is what I’m up to. I’m taking a walk, seeing the sunset, soaking it all in, on a weekday. I never thought I could do it, and believe me, I wish I can keep this going for the rest of my life. And since you asked, yes, it feels great.

*****

The Bombay I knew from my office cubicle is so distant from the Bombay I see now. One thing I’m sure about is that Bombay sure isn’t dead. As long as its people run, Bombay’s full of life. Overflowing with life. Man, except me, everyone’s running. The poor run, the rich run. So do the young and the old (this seemingly 70+, woman almost trampled me when I came in her way today). Rich and poor alike. Running on the road, running on the railway tracks, running with their cars. All running for something, with something, because of something, towards something. I don’t know what makes them run. But as long as they run, Bombay runs. Don’t mistake this for the “spirit of the city” – if you did, then you’re probably a Bombay romantic. Or work for the media. Me? I’ve never believed in a “spirit of Bombay”. The only spirit Bombay has is money and it sure as hell keeps it high.

*****

The scene that will remain me for a long time is when I’m at a school playground catching up with someone I haven’t met in a while. We’re sitting, watching the kids play. They’re practicing running, athletics or whatever it is. Instructors are pacing the kids, the kids are racing with each other. The older ones are running laps. Over the playground and over the mud-kicked dusty air, the sun is setting, setting off its usual riot of colors in the sky that makes me linger on more to sunsets than sunrises. And there’s this palpable sense of freedom. Of absolute, boundless freedom. I can see it in the children, I can sense it in the air. As a passing thought, the concept of open space becomes more real to me than it ever has in my life. But there’s this freedom. As if all that’s there is that moment. That’s what it’s about really. How free do I want to be. Everything else kinda settles down around. Just like the dust and the grass around those kids.

Twitter

2008-04-02T21:12:00.003+06:00

So I am on twitter, courtesy of this person who invited me a few months back and I've not looked back since then.

And I'm going to conveniently blame my absence here to twittering, because - oh ok, there I admit it - I'm hooked on to twitter.

But no, I refuse to embed it to my side-bar or "micro-blog" it here. Call me old-fashioned, but that's twittering and this is blogging. I'd like to keep them apart, thank you very much.

See you soon here. Or sooner, you know where.

5 lessons from the stock market crash

2008-03-17T19:20:00.012+06:00

1. Believe no one. At times even yourself. If they tell you that stocks return more than bonds over the long term, ask them what they mean by long term. If they say 10 years, ask them if they've heard about a country called Japan. In 20 years, the stock market there has halved. If they say shit happens, ask them if they've heard about a country called the United States of America - 8 years (2000 to 2008), that market hasn't gone anywhere. Long term, short term, any term. If stocks return better than bonds, then just remember, you're also taking a higher risk. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

2. In the end, it all boils down to luck. Some people are born lucky and some are unlucky losers. Most of mankind trades in between. But no one is bigger than the markets. Take all the collective advice and learnings from all those market experts bombarding the CNBCs of the world and put it on one side. As Jack Welch said "There are more mediocre people making more money on Wall Street than any other place on earth. " So for all their collective experience, their pedigree education, their wisdom, their brilliance, they're all as prone to fall victim to greed as you are. From Wall Street to Dalal Street, a sucker's born every minute. The game changes, but the rules remain the same. South Sea, tulips, Ponzi, Enron, Long Term Capital Management, sub-prime.... I say bring it on. This is what the human race has to offer, as proof of so many years of technological advancement and progress. Sheesh. In some matters, we're still apes. Evolution kinda passed us by there now, didn't it.

3. Fear will scare you, and greed can kill you. Discipline is not a four-letter word. It's a tough exercise that you learn through the years. That's right, your own wisdom from your own experience. Not that of the guy managing your money, because he sure ain't answerable to anyone. Not you. Not to his boss. Ever wonder why there's only one Warren Buffett in the world? Read what he has to say. Learn, fall, learn and move on. Life's a bitch, but there's always debt, right?

4. Making money isn't fun. Bull runs don't last forever, and the bear is one ugly animal. Your money is hard-earned, so think before listening to some slick dude/babe armed with a laptop, who's flashing a presentation about the power of compounding, or long-term investing, or the next big thing. He's just trying to earn a living and the younger he is, chances are he'll only tell you about what happened between 2003 and 2007. Nowadays, spreadsheets and presentations aren't updating too quickly for what's happened in 2008.

5. Define and dare. Be clear that you have what it takes. Be clear about what it can cost you. It's your hard-earned money and that's what is at stake. There are no notional losses, there are just lost opportunities. If you want a suit, be prepared to lose your shirt, pants and then some. Over long, long periods, the markets can, maybe, at times turn kind. But don't expect it.

But heck, enough of cliched by-lines. Tell me, what did the markets teach you today?

Bombay's Black Friday, never forget

2008-03-12T09:39:00.004+06:00

Song of the year 2008

2008-03-06T20:50:00.003+06:00

I doubt anything can come close to "Ay hip hoppper" by Ishq Bector featuring Sunidhi Chauhan. More than 9 months to go for this year to be over, but man, I don't know if anything can come close to this blockbuster.

And no, I refuse to hear any criticism about this song. If you don't like it, if it's not in your head if you're not clicking "replay" on that link above then I have one four-letter word for you my friend. Snob. Guahaha. Lyrics here and this bit which is what I'm tripping on for now.

Mere pyar ki basti mein, mere love ki basti mein.
Thodi masti ho jai sir!
Aye Hip-Hopper!

Looking for comedy in the Indian world

2008-02-23T20:13:00.008+06:00

Before “Flop Show”, there was “Yeh jo hai zindagi” and before both of them, there was “Baban Prabhu and Yakub Sayed” in the Doordarshan days. There was also “Chaal Nawachi vaachal vasti” and a whole lot of Marathi TV serials and legendary Marathi humorists like PuLa, that half of Raj Thackeray’s party members couldn’t even remember. Just like brothers-with-arms, the Samajwadi Party, wouldn’t know Kaka Hathrasi and Ashok Chakradhar. But I digress.

This post is simply about “What makes you LOL?” I’m talking old-fashioned laugh-out-loud. Not a smile, snicker, or heh, but a hearty laugh. Here’s what made me LOL over the years.

First there was..
The earliest stuff made me LOL were all those TV serials mentioned above. I loved them for the simple, situational comedy of everyday life. In movies, “Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro” and “Chashme Buddoor” had me in complete splits. Video was still new and staple viewing included “Mind Your Language”, the “Lemon Popsicle” and “Carry On” movie series. In comics, I was a huge fan of Beetle Bailey, Graffiti, Hagar the Horrible, The Lockhorns and Moose & Molly. (This was obviously before Mid-day in Bombay started my all-time fav “Calvin and Hobbes”)

I discovered the joys of PG when I enrolled at the British Council Library. Other than Mr. Wodehouse, I read magazines Punch and Private Eye and admired the way the Brits tear their politicians apart. In those cable-less days, we were also lucky to see Brit TV series like the legendary "Yes Minister" and "Yes Prime Minister", “Spitting Image”, “Drop the Dead Donkey” and “Fawlty Towers” on good ol’ Doordarshan. There was also “Different Strokes” but give me those Brit comedies any day.

..Then the nineties
With cable coming in the early nineties, Star TV, in its original avatar, showed some excellent stuff like “MASH”, “Home Improvement” and “The Simpsons”. There was also the brilliant improv show “Whose line is it anyway”. The few days that NBC aired in India, I looked forward to “The Tonight Show” with Jay Leno and then “Late night with Conan O’Brien” – quickly coming to prefer Conan to Leno. But NBC shut shop soon deciding that there was no market for an English TV channel in India. It took time for Star TV to agree. (Since then Star has come back with a dedicated English channel, but not NBC).

Later in the 90s, I liked “Friends” for some time but got bored quickly of their self-obsession and sex obsession. An accusation that holds true for just about any American TV series, so it’s only a question of what you can take. So, I took on to “Seinfeld” like crazy. I think it’s the best comedy TV series ever for me. In movies, anything by Zucker-Abrahams was totally LOL’able( “Airplane”, “The Naked Gun” and “Hot Shots” series) and two other landmark comedies of the 90s were “My Cousin Vinny” and “There’s something about Mary”.

The here and now
Cut to present day. I don't think I’m enough. But then, comedy ain’t what it used to be. Political correctness is the order of the day and we take things too seriously. (That’s one reason I enjoy “Curb Your Enthusiasm” – if that’s daily life in the US then it’s more reality than comedy.)

No media house dare make a (comedy) TV series or movie on politics, bureaucracy or the system. Can’t blame them, who’d want their effigies and posters burnt? That sucks so much (just for that hats off to Cyrus Broacha on The Week that Wasn’t). And that’s why I’m a huge fan of “Real Time with Bill Maher”. For the love of God I can’t imagine anyone in Mumbai making fun of either Balu T or Raju T (both of them, ironically, being cartoonists). And I doubt that day would ever come. For example, why has stand-up comedy never taken off in Bombay?

Which means we have to rely mostly on slapstick, parody and risqué humor to run our “Laughter Challenges”. Not that I’ve disliked them. In the past, I’ve enjoyed Raju Srivastav and Sunil Pal much more than any Priyadarshan comedy (barring the first “Hera Pheri”). And I also think Munna-bhai took comedy to a completely different level. But still. There’s only so much that we can come up with. All the laughter shows have become photocopies of each other and I could never stand seeing Sidhu, Shekhar Suman, Mandira Bedi, et al with their over-the-top fake ear-to-ear laughs. The only comedy I enjoy on the Hindi TV channels today is the priceless "Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai". Whoever thought a clash between elitism and middle class-ism could be so hilarious. Ironically, the series has already closed a long time back and what I'm seeing today are re-runs - which are still very funny.

Finally, the internet. From emails, the fore bearers of the tech funnies, to Facebook wall posts, Orkut scraps and youtube videos, I’ve seen barely a handful of really funny stuff. And now there’s blogs. Even here, I’ve stopped following most of the blogs I found funny for a variety of reasons (Gawker being an exception because he's a class apart).

Hm. Funny. When I want it, it does become difficult to find comedy in my current world.

So, what makes you LOL?

HBO stops Bill Maher podcasts outside US

2008-02-19T11:15:00.008+06:00

Update: HBO has resumed podcast downloads for Real Time for listeners outside of the USA, so..er..yay!

I listen regularly to "Real Time with Bill Maher" via HBO's podcasts. A few days back, iTunes started giving an error message which went "Authorization needed to access podcast". (note in the screen-capture below how previous podcasts downloaded without a problem).

Whoo hoo. I thought Apple is at again disallowing lesser mortals from accessing stuff via iTunes (remember, they still don't allow music downloads via iTunes for India). I thought well, you know, it's Apple. What else can you expect? They've still to be pointed out India on the map. But a google search absolved Apple of this.

Yup, because I discovered that this time it's HBO. And guess what, it's not just India on their "oh no you don't" list, it's all the countries outside of the USofA. Check this thread for other users across the non-US world complaining of this. And also check this thread at the Apple discussion forum for something similar.

This kinda stuff defies sense. I mean honestly, we need to call in the Nobel Prize Committee for a new category here. Bring out the Oscars, the Emmys and all the prizes because this kinda global achievement deserves an award.

Seriously, what good does banning a podcast for users outside the US achieve? Do the Einsteins at HBO believe that "Real Time" podcast listeners do not have access to other means of technology that gives them access to - get this - not just the audio, but, hey, the video as well? You know that stuff wherein you can also see the show and not just hear it?

What riles me - as it did about two years back - is when these fruitcakes drive people to alternate methods. Which is what makes that ad which you see before the movie starts, you know the one which goes "Would you steal a car, would you steal a book? then don't go for piracy" look like a bunch of crock.

My own stand on piracy is a bit less liberal than others, i.e. I do believe in paying for content. If there was an iTunes for India, I would have paid to download music. But at this rate, what options do I have? You want to deprive me of my music, of my podcasts, of latest seasons on my TV series (remember all English TV channels in India are running more than a year behind of current seasons across all popular shows)? And you expect me to twiddle my thumbs till then? Yeah right.

See, there's a limit. There is a limit to which you can put those patronizing error messages on my computer screen. There is a limit to which you tell me that your is not available in my country.

Because guess what, M/s HBO and M/S Apple, and this will come as a surprise to you, there is something called the Internet. And hey, did you know it connects people to people. And - oh, this will blow you - it actually allows people to share things? So, if you think I'm not good enough for your content, then I guess I'll just have to find someone who does. And while you're figuring that out, please give my regards to the dinosaurs.

About the inner receptionist

2008-02-18T18:59:00.002+06:00

This Lucy Kellaway FT column was pointed to me by a good friend (JS!) from the Middle East. The piece titled "Happiness is finding your inner receptionist" hits home (last year, I'd quit my full-time to take a break.)

In said column, Ms. Kellaway speaks of a friend who quit a 20yr career of powerful media jobs to become a receptionist. Why?

Her routine was soothing. The people were friendly. The work was pleasant. It was also finite, easy to do well, and ended on the dot of 6pm. There were no unmanageable work loads, no ugly competition, no gnawing anxiety that you aren’t up to it and that someone else is better.

But best of all, she said, the receptionist’s job didn’t swamp her mind and her life; instead it left plenty of room for her to think her own thoughts. The only thing that wasn’t fantastic was the money, but it was enough and she didn’t mind.

You can read the article for your own conclusions. I was just thrilled to read it. Some familiar thoughts went through my head, re-visits of when I was firming up my decision to quit my job.

1. If we're all doing what we were born to do, why do we crib about the hours or the money or the pressure or the deadlines?

2. Is there an assumption that the job we do employs our talents to the best?

3. Do we even know what our talents are?

4. Is the path to discover our talents a linear one (i.e. Job X to Y to Z to A to B to C) and one that only a job can fulfill?

5. And finally, a very basic one - are these two joys comparable and/or mutually exclusive(a) watching a sunset each evening (b) adding that next zero to my net worth?

Ever thought on these lines? Would love to hear from you.

That thrilling world of politics

2008-02-12T21:19:00.000+06:00

Hm. An interesting debate over at the NYT.

First, Frank Rich accuses the Clinton campaign of dumping the black vote...

The campaign’s other most potent form of currency remains its thick deck of race cards. This was all too apparent in the Hallmark show. In its carefully calibrated cross section of geographically and demographically diverse cast members — young, old, one gay man, one vet, two union members — African-Americans were reduced to also-rans.

and chasing the Hispanic vote...

But the wholesale substitution of Hispanics for blacks on the Hallmark show is tainted by a creepy racial back story. Last month a Hispanic pollster employed by the Clinton campaign pitted the two groups against each other by telling The New Yorker that Hispanic voters have “not shown a lot of willingness or affinity to support black candidates.” Mrs. Clinton then seconded the motion by telling Tim Russert in a debate that her pollster was “making a historical statement.”

It's a lengthy, provocative, but backed-by-facts piece that is still there in the most e-mailed/blogged list of the NYT.

Just after this, the Krug-Man warned readers that the Obama campaign could be taking the US into Nixonland.

I won’t try for fake evenhandedness here: most of the venom I see is coming from supporters of Mr. Obama, who want their hero or nobody. I’m not the first to point out that the Obama campaign seems dangerously close to becoming a cult of personality. We’ve already had that from the Bush administration — remember Operation Flight Suit? We really don’t want to go there again.

The Economist recently called the US elections the greatest show on earth, again. I'm still trying to figure out how it works, but can't resist a sense of awe at the entire campaigning, debating juggernaut shebang. Sure, it's also dirty, but then who said becoming the leader of the free world was easy.

Point of post? Just putting this in the background of Indian politics. Remember we're (State and Country) up for elections next year. No primaries, no caucuses, no debates. Just simple dishkaaon elections. Good old coalition politics. No majority, no minority. And sure no priority at least for the nation.

Even though I am in awe of it, I've never understood the US elections and I'm loathe to compare it to the Indian ones. Why? Because I think any India v/s US comparison is slightly arbit. Still, I am having an interesting e-mail conversation with a good friend on similar lines.

That apart, I think one thing seems to be common, politicians are politicians and will remain that way. Partisanship, divisiveness and cult personality are probably wired into the DNA of every politician. If he's not born with it, he'll pick it up soon on the way.

Look at very own local hero Raju T playing the Marathi Manoos card. Even though the educated elite are gasping at his antics, they've also probably realised that this isn't anything new because Raju T is only upholding the Sena tradition. A tradition that has held them in good stead. Heck, even the Congress are staying true to their tradition, i.e. do nothing.

We're in for interesting times. Let's see what turn the US elections take next. Seems Obama is leading Clinton. Are we ready for a black leader of the free world?

Strange things happen. What if Raju T's brand of politics actually work? And if it doesn't than are we all happy with a, er, "secular" bunch of people who'd give Nero a run for his money? Or wait, am I hearing the roar of an old tiger again? Hang in there for a year to find out. Remember, it's a Chinese curse.

PS: Partially unrelated funny thing 1: That line from "A Few Good Men" kept coming back to me while I typed this post. "Unit, Corp, God, Country".

PPS: PUFT2: Picked up Season 1 of "The West Wing" , which seemed even more yesterday than Rudy Giuliani (gaah, it actually is) and have hence instantly given up on it. Aaron Sorkin, who wrote this glossy drama, was also the writer of "A Few Good Men". Told ya - partially unrelated.

The 5 links to 5 posts tag

2008-02-10T19:24:00.000+06:00

I'm missing blogging more than you think. But man does not live by blog alone and blogs don't pay the bills - an important thing to remember while I'm trying to secure a line of revenue with at least some predictability. Which isn't easy, but I knew that.

What I'm saying is that I will be back on this blog before you can say "Obama". (talking of which two bumper stickers of note - "We will Barack you" and "Monica Lewinsky's ex-boyfriend's wife for President"). Or for that matter "McCain" (yes, I'm still impressed with his straight talk).

But I vacillate, oscillate and digress. So, getting back..

The prolific Lekhni (now there's a blogger who blogs, and how) has tagged me for doing some recycling. The tag - as with others I've done in the past - ends here, but if you want to share that warm, taggy feeling, go ahead.

I have to recycle 5 posts on 5 key words as below.

Family - The big marriage in Delhi, a post I loved writing. Man, how I wish I could spend some more time in Delhi. Some day, when it isn't too cold. But who am I kidding? Bombay is now colder than Delhi . Guahaha.

Friends - My blog meet posts here and here. What a crazy gang. Must do that again too.

Yourself - The most personal one was the one about the break. I've always wanted to write on my experience on shaadi.com, but well..that's there with 100 other posts on 100 other things that never made it to print.

Love - Zilch, but that doesn't make me an unromantic person, does it?

Anything I like - Easy enough. Movies, lingo and TV on DVD.

It's a nice tag and you should do it. Spread the link love, I says, spread that link love.

On rollercoasters

2008-01-25T11:41:00.000+06:00

Yes, I've been AWOL and yes I don't quite like it. And yes, it's funny considering I'm on a break. Well, the news is that the break is still on but the break itself is in breaks. Because I'm up to some stuff that leads to the root of all evil. Or as I call it - rokda. So, I will be back on both blogs soon, just give me a bit.

And before I go I can point you to this lengthy and brilliant FT piece on the rollercoaster rides that the global financial markets, as well as our neighbourhood Dalal Street, are on. It puts a lot of things into perspective without going down either side of the slope. My favourite part was this, which is pretty much spot on.

“Typically interest rate cuts are effective in helping the corporate world when it is over-borrowed – but that is not the case now at all. In fact, it is not clear that interest rate cuts are going to motivate industry to invest more,” says the chief executive of one large insurer. “There is a real disconnect between what the Fed can do and its impact on the real economy – and the problem is that [Fed chairman Ben] Bernanke’s announcement may actually have a negative effect by signalling to the market that there is a problem.”

Read it if you're a markets person. Read it anyway. Regular programing, unrelated, I promise, to the markets, will commence soon. Thank you.

The tears did it

2008-01-09T16:28:00.000+06:00

Or did they?

This was the moment yesterday.

From the NYT

After a political lifetime of keeping her emotions secret, why was Mrs. Clinton finally letting her guard down? Was it a spontaneous outburst or a calculated show? Was Mrs. Clinton using her gender to win sympathy, or was she the victim of a double standard that allowed male candidates to cry — several have on the trail — but not female ones?

Don't miss the last line of that piece. If she does become President, that is going to remain one debated moment in US politics.

Meanwhile, fatigue shows, even for Barack Obama. From the HuffPo

"I've been campaigning a lot," he said. "And you know I say, 'The time for change has come.' The other day I said, 'The time for come has changed.' And I have to admit, everybody still clapped."

But my moment of the day had to be John McCain's moving victory speech, given among roars of "Mac is back".

The people of New Hampshire have told us again that they do not send us to Washington to serve our self-interest, but to serve theirs. They don't send us to fight each other for our own political ambitions; but to fight together our real enemies. They don't send us to Washington to stroke our egos; but to help them keep this beautiful, bountiful, blessed country safe, prosperous and proud.

And don't miss the last line of that speech either.

Recommendations invited

2008-01-07T09:28:00.000+06:00

For DVD viewing, movie and TV series included. After the wonderful recommendations by everyone in this post here, we saw the following

(1) Lost - Awesome. Loved it. We watched all 3 seasons in the span of a month, and just freaked on the series. Mind-boggling, mind-bending and I still can't get myself to like Michael for killing Ana Lucia and Libby. Just like I can't stop catching all those tags that Sawyer keeps throwing around. I'd do anything to find out whose funeral it was that Jack (in the future) almost attends, but I'm willing to wait till season #4 begins out here in India.

(2) The 4400 - Very good, but somehow it didn't engage me as much as Heroes. Seemed to be just a bit slow, although the concept was brilliant. Or perhaps I'm getting weary of the save-the-world thing. But I will surely watch Season #3 and 4 whenever it's out here on DVD. Bit surprising that the series was canceled after that.

Now, these are the series recommended (to me in the comments of that post) that make my DVD library-wallahs go all "Duh?" when I ask him for them

(a) Dexter
(b) McGoohan's The Prisoner
(c) Veronica Mars

As far as movies go, I haven't seen even one DVD that I can recall as excellent or even just damn good. The last one was Mr. Brooks.

So, whoever is out there, please let me know if you've seen something good, TV series or movie. Thank you.

I don't want to be a woman

2008-01-06T17:34:00.000+06:00

I don't want to be a woman because

- I'm a child, a girl, a lady, a woman. A friend, a sister, an aunt, a wife, a mother, a lover. Before all that I'm a woman.

- I'm available. I'm public property. My eyes, my lips, my breasts, my hands, my arms, my waist, my thighs, my feet, my legs. Their hands, their elbows, their eyes, their feet, their chest, their mouth. Their words. Their attacks. Their gropes, their stares, their nudges, their pushes.

- I'm a cunt. If I don't smile back at a stranger saying "Hi, want a lift?".

- I'm a raand. If I don't smile back at a stranger saying "Kya madam, chalen sair pe?"

- I'm available. If you want a one-night stand.

- I'm a whore. If I want a one-night stand.

- I'm a slut. If my best friends are guys.

- I'm a drunk. If I go to a bar after a bad day.

- I'm a chaalu. If I wear a mini skirt.

- I'm disgusting. If I used foul language.

- I'm ideal. If only I only stayed at home and didn't party.

- I asked for it. If I didn't smile back, if I got drunk, if I wore a mini skirt, if I wore a tight T-shirt, if I wore jeans, if I wore a frock. If I moved in a crowd. If I wanted to enjoy a sunset alone at Band Stand. If I wanted to go home with my friends after New Years.

- Yes, I asked for all of it. The violation, the intrusion, the humiliation, the hurt, the bruises, the insults, the blood, the tears, the trauma. I asked for all of it.

Mumbai declared safe for women

2008-01-04T18:34:00.001+06:00

The following is hereby notified vide Regulation 124/a/c/1/8765 of the Official Change of Status Act, Maharashtra, 1897, read with The Male Female Interaction Code of Conduct, Maharashtra, 555BC.

Mumbai is declared safe for women, provided, subject to:-

(1) The word "safe" means "free from molestation". The term "molestation" is restricted only to actual, proven, physical contact ("PC") between men and women in the city of Bombay/Mumbai. Examples of PC include groping, fondling, massaging, nudging, pressing, grabbing and similar activity.

(1b) However, staring at women, passing lewd remarks at women (for e.g. phrases such as "aati kya Khandala?", "kya maal hai", geographical references such as Aarey Milk Colony, etc.) fondling by man of his genitalia on seeing women, are excluded from the term "molestation". Mens are free to do this with no answerability, accountability, responsibility and any other ability.

(2) Women wearing following banned dressing will not have access to safety, i.e. if women wearing banned outfits below, then they will be subject to molestation at their own risk.

(2a) Indian outfit - sari, blouse, salwar-kameez, punjaabi outfits. Any outfit representing formal or informal attire of any state/UT of India.

(2b) Any other outfit

For best results, we recommend women wear large home furnishings (curtains, bed sheets, drapes) covering entire body with only the nose (specified as the only non-private part of a woman) being exposed for respiratory purposes. We do not take responsibility of women wearing above banned outfits.

Women wearing above banned outfits will be declared "fair game" for molestation with no resort to any authority.

(3) Women drinking any and all forms of alcohols are excluded in above declaration. Women found sipping, tasting, drinking, guzzling, injecting alcohol (in pure, distilled, direct or indirect forms, including soft drinks black in colour, including nail polish removers) do so at their own risk. Women found drinking (irrespective of quantity, irrespective of whether it is free or paid for) will be subject to molestation attempts from men at their own risk and the provisions of this section will instantaneously not apply.

(4) Following persons (including person and family) can say "Mumbai is safe for women"

(4a) Those who have not used public transport since 2002 and hence those who have their own personal transport (all vehicles priced at more than Rs6lakhs)

(4b) Those who only go from home to office and back, with weekend activity restricted to their own homes and those of similar said friends and relatives.

(4c) Those who have never been to malls, parks, promenades, gardens and other public places.

(4d) Those who have never walked on roads, entered lifts with a crowd of more than 5 people with women included.

(4e) Those who do not stroll around market places, vegetable markets, non-vegetable markets or go to pay bills for telephone, electricity or visit banks, hotels and restaurants.

The above-mentioned people (4a to 4e) are hereby authorised to chant "Mumbai is safe for women".

(5) Political parties Shiv Sena and Maharashtra Navnirman Sena will be issuing their own code of conducts, but these will apply to Maharashtrian women only (by birth, preferably not by marriage). Catholic women are free to approach the church. Similarly, we recommend that if you are a woman (defined as non-men), you should contact your nearest political party or religious body for further advice on safety, protection and salvation.

(6) The first 100 reported cases of molestation (starting from night of 31st Dec) in Mumbai will go scot free because these things happen in societies. We do not make mountains of molehills.

(7) The above declaration applies to all days and nights of a calendar year, except New Year's Eve.

Signed,
Those responsible for Mumbai

We invite public comments and opinion for above policy.

Wishing everyone, especially Mumbai's girls, ladies and women, a very safe and happy New Year 2008.

Cazzata Malanga

2007-12-27T12:16:00.000+06:00

Finally. Season 6, part 1 is available here on DVD. The Family is back.

Now, back to the fading year, see you on the other side.

Happy Holidays

2007-12-21T18:40:00.000+06:00

A term that I couldn't get when I first heard it. "Happy Holidays"? What's the deal with "Happy Holidays"? Sure I got that people go home for Diwali and stuff. And for me going home meant staying in Bombay itself. But "Happy Holidays"?

I mean I haven't seen anyone take more than two days off for Diwali. But since Diwali is on two separate days, more often than not it becomes a long weekend. You know, leave for home on Tuesday night, Weds is off (i.e. public holiday for Lakshmi Pooja), take Thursday off and since Friday would also be chutti (public hol #2 for Diwali), you land up taking almost the whole week off. Fresh back to work on Monday morning. That's the holidays that I know here.

But to think of going home from say, 23rd (Dec) night all the way to 1st (Jan)..that's 10 days. Man, that is a lot of leave. Yet, each time I see people greet each other, or signboards and ads everywhere (all this of course when I'm watching a an American serial) which go "Happy Holidays", I can't help but wonder, what would happen if I tell someone "Hey, Happy Diwali and Happy Holidays". Yeah, yeah, I know that look.

And since you're waiting for the point of this post, it is in fact - Happy Holidays. At least to me, because this blog is now off for..um..holidays. I will see you on the other side of the New Year 2008. Oh ok, I now I've been lax in my posting. And yes, I know that posts should logically have increased since I'm on break. But well, it's not happened and I'm sorry. I am because I know I want to post more. And I won't BS by saying "My New Year resolution is to post more", because that lies next to the "I will lose 20kgs this year". I mean if you believe that you'd believe that it's gonna be Ron Paul v/s John Edwards next year in the USA. Oh I kid the Americans (talking of which, does anyone know when Bill Maher's new season begins?)

Finally, wrapping up 2007.

1. My movies of the year are The Bourne Ultimatum (English), Chak De India and I'm now adding Khoya Khoya Chand.

2. On DVD, I can't recall one single movie that I went ga-ga over, because this, for me, was the year of TV series on DVD. And therefore, my DVD of the year would have to be "The Sopranos".

3. My song of the year is Vaari Vaari (Hindi). English song would have to be Speed of Sound (I know it's not from 2007, but I heard it so many times this year that it just eclipses anything else I heard).

4. Since I didn't read any book this year, I don't have a book of the year like I did last year. But I can point you to NYT's list of The 10 Best Books of 2007 and Books of the Year 2007 at The Guardian. What a fine line-up of books. Maybe I'll even read one of them next year.

So, what were your fav movies, music and books for the 2007? Love to know.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and yes, Happy Holidays.

Spotlight Series at Blogbharti

2007-12-14T16:26:00.000+06:00

Yeah yeah I know, I haven't posted in a while which is ironic considering I'm on break. Someone at work had once said "Work expands to fill the time available". I heard it early in my career and first found it stupid, but later I realised it did contain an element of truth . On break now I'm finding that this expanded time ain't enough for ~~work~~ things I want to do.

So while I adjust to this seemingly new life, I'm pointing you to this fine reading experience at Blogbharti, called the Spotlight Series. Two essays up, and many more to come. Go visit and go comment.

The one about the break

2007-11-26T19:10:00.000+06:00

This post was long due. A few days back I quit my full-time job. Not to take up a new job or do my own stuff. But to take a break. This post is about getting things off my chest.

[Side note: If you expect dramatic farewell e-mails copy/pasted here then this ain’t that dhobi ghaat. But since you asked, I had a dream job and I was lucky to work with some tough-ass talented, even genuinely nice, people]

"Why?": No simple reason. I think career decisions like these are the toughest ones to make. And sure as hell, the toughest one to take. I worked for eight years in a great job, but somewhere I drew a line and said, well, that’s that then. I need a break. Not that whole running away to Ladakh and finding your mojo (for the record I also did that) kinda breaks. Not those varieties. I’m talking clean break.

I’ve seen how we slog. And boy, all of us slog. Those late hours and all those reasons to justify them. I’ve seen some people doing the work they were born to do. Good for them. Me? I’m not in a tearing hurry to find out what I was born to do. Like that Jerry Maguire tagline I love – “The journey is everything.” So one fine day, I decided I needed to exhale. You know, take a look around. And hence the break. Or the brake.

"What next?": “Dude, I don’t know, let’s see”. Some people buy it, some don’t, even if I’m not selling anything. What I can’t quite get is why this “I don’t know” isn’t acceptable. I mean, what’s the big deal in someone just taking a break without a job offer or a business plan in his hand?

The opinions: Dicey, dicey. We live in times when ambition and drive are taken for granted. Pushing harder is the order of the day. Tolerance and understanding come at a premium. We’re all entitled to our opinions and views. And neither have to have anything to do with the truth. Or with your side of the story. Being judgmental is easy. But our opinions about others can say more about us, than about them. Enough said.

The ones on my side: One funny question I got often was “What’d your wife have to say?” I don’t know the point of this question but since you asked, she was cool with it. My friends were also, by and large, cool. So ok, some of them questioned my intelligence and some warned me about desolation, doom and gloom. Oh I kid them, but come on, they did so only for my good. They couldn’t understand my reasons and I don’t expect them to. I’m just glad they’re there. But the ones I love are those that went “Congrats” and “You’ll figure it out”. And those that never asked me why.

Finally, here’s the thing. I have no idea what job or business I’m going to do tomorrow or whenever. And sometimes, that ain’t a pretty thought. But sitting here today, if I take out the debris of an all-too familiar panic, I can see excitement too. What the heck. We all make decisions and we all have our reasons. It’s a risk we take, a call we make. Things work out, things don’t. They call it life. This is mine.

Why I prefer TV series

2007-11-12T15:34:00.000+06:00

One of the reasons I dumped movie lists was because I was seeing just too many so-so and so-no movies. Big stars, or big directors, weren’t enough to guarantee a good movie experience. While the path to any great movie is strewn with lemons, I think I was seeing too much of mediocrity to justify my DVD subscription. Some movies meandered their way through meaninglessly as if to justify their big stars, some had wafer-thin plots relying either on their big stars on heavy special effects. To my own horror, I was forwarding some movies just to get it over with.

Then I discovered TV serials. And now, I am in no doubt when I say that if you’re looking for a sustained stream of good quality entertainment, you must consider watching TV series. One season of a TV series typically has five to six DVDs with each DVD containing about four episodes, each of just about an hour. I'd typically watch one to two DVDs every weekend and finish off one series in a month.

In terms of production values, TV series (and here I’m referring only to American ones, although I think there’s much in the British counterparts that I should be seeing) have matched, if not surpassed, big studio Hollywood movies. In terms of genres, the series span the entire gamut of drama, action, comedy, suspense, crime, etc. In terms of stories, scripts and plots, it's evident that TV series have come a long, long way from the LA Law, Ally McBeal, Picket Fences and X-Files days.

In some ways I think this is a larger reflection and an expression of America and its residents in this new post 9/11 world. I admire the way the American TV channels have expressed this via the entertainment industry. A phenomenon which we in India have yet to see, at least in a big way (an issue I touched upon in an early post here). I’d give anything for an ad-free HBO out here, but I doubt it'll ever happen.

Moving on, here’s what I’ve watched in the last one year. All the TV series below comprise one story running throughout the season, unlike say an episodic series like CSI where each episode revolves around one story. Personally I prefer the one-story-one-season format because I get hooked to it for a month.

1. 24 – Call it a neocon dream or liberal nightmare (switch that?), but I’m an unabashed fan of Jack Bauer. Purely in terms of thrills, twists and turns, 24 smokes just about every so-called “action” movie I’ve seen lately. There’s also this carefree abandon with which they kill just about every key character in the plot. Just when you’re endearing yourself to someone, he gets blown up by a car bomb, shot in the throat or gassed to death. No sentimentality or emotion, just pop off the good guys and make it tougher and tougher for Jack Bauer to win. Sure, the plots stretch your imagination to the point of incredulity, but it doesn’t matter because there’s enough to keep you gripped.

I think Season 4 was the best while Season 5 was a bit of a let-down. I’m waiting for the release of Season 6 DVD, and no I won’t download and see it. In India, AXN has shown 24 but, not surprisingly, the series never really took off here. (Also read this superb New Yorker piece on the politics of Joel Surnow, the man behind 24)

2. The Sopranos – I thank my good friend Purush for pointing me to this one. I have no doubt that it’s the best TV series I’ve watched till now. For something that I thought was “just about a mob boss”, I just loved the experience of seeing how the series was much, much more. It has a cult following in the US and rightly so. The script and the storylines are brilliant, the performances of the finely-etched characters are superb. Some of the action can get gory (well, it is about the Mafia), but there’s enough on the dialogues to keep you riveted and entertained – and I mean funny too.

Then there’s the all the symbolic stuff that I could never get, and then never get enough of. But you have to see the series. This is television at its best. I hope they never make a movie of out of it. I’ve seen the series till Season 5 and I’m waiting for Season 6, also the last of this path-breaking series.

3. Heroes – A.k.a. how the left sees 24. Not every hero needs is alone or resort to torture and maim because he has only a few hours to save the world. Nopes. But yes, the world is coming to an end thanks to the greed for power. In this case, greed for superpowers. Oh come on, don’t we all love good v/s evil? After all – and pardon the cliché – we’re all heroes in our own way. Some of us can create fire, others can re-generate, some can read others thoughts, talk with machines, move in time…. And that’s only a few of them.

Update - I've now also watched 4. Lost and 5. The 4400 after the kind comments from readers below. Thank you.

Besides the cutting-edge special effects, what I loved was that the episodes never fawned over individual heroes (and hence their powers), thanks to which the plot and the story was always central. I admire NBC’s (which airs Heroes) reply to Fox (which aired 24), if only because the viewer is the winner. I’ve seen Season 1 on DVD and am waiting for #2, which already began in the US some time back.

I’ve also seen Season 1 of "The Wire" (Purush, thanks again for this) which was also excellent, even if a bit too US-specific for my likes. And there’s of course the magnificent "Seinfeld" and its co-creators tribute to foul behavior "Curb Your Enthusiasm". After seeing all of these, I'm convinced that TV series remain a much more enjoyable option, than movies, to regular weekend DVD viewing.

So, seen any of these? Have any favs of your own? Love to hear from you.

Scenes from a city abroad

2007-11-02T18:50:00.000+06:00

Singapore. Some scenes, some thoughts below. Comments, as always welcome.

******

Too sleepy to check out Changi Aiport. We’re now on our way to our hotel. Groggy, red-eyed, first impressions of Singapore. Long roads with loads of cars, all kinda cars. What speed are we going at? 100kmph? On city roads, what’s the deal? Am I dreaming or was that an angel I saw flying past in a Mini Cooper? Fast, but not furious.

******

Freshed up at hotel and out on the roads. I’m head over heels. What a city. The control freak in me implodes. I want to relocate here right now. I can’t believe there’s any place in this world where everything is so damn orderly. It’s too much to handle, really. Everything’s so clean, squeaky clean. I mean, why is everything so lush green here? (Updated: Here's the answer). There are plants and trees sprouting out of everywhere. Everywhere. I mean outside my hotel, on every street, corner, nook and cranny. All concrete and loads of jungle.

******

Malls. Lots of large malls. They call it Orchard Road. You can shop here forever. Which is something I don’t get. I mean, how much can you shop? Clothes, perfumes, jewelry, leather…How long can you spend there? Wife isn’t listening to me. But hang on, what’s this shop? Says “Bookbinder Designs, Sweden”. Such exquisite stuff, diaries, calendars, pencils. Must see. Must go. Must buy. Must shop.

******

“It’s the Truman Show, yaar” drawls a friend, puffing clouds of cigarette smoke. Huh? “Oye, I tell you. You look at each road at any given time. You’ll see the same car, taking the same turn, going to the same place. It’s all staged. There’s cameras everywhere. They’re watching you.” Too much coffee. But for a minute, he spooks me.

******

So, we’re waiting at the corner of a junction hailing a cab. Waiting and waving at cabs. Wife nudges, points to a small line of cars that’s formed in front of us, out of nowhere. They’re all calmly waiting. Huh? Duh? Wife whispers – “They’re waiting for us to cross”. Inadvertently we were standing at one end of a small zebra crossing. So, they’re waiting for us to cross. We hop over to the other side, barely four steps. Calmly the cars pass us by. These guys, they actually give way to people to cross the road. Faint.

******

The first Airbus A-380 was delivered to Singapore Airlines that day. On TV it’s the Prime Minister himself, addressing an event. Before I start scoffing (you know, what’s the big deal?), I catch the phrase “… in our relentless pursuit of excellence…”. I’ve never heard a nation premier talking about pursuit of excellence. Now, I’m feeling like the tourist I am from a poor, third-world, developing country visiting a developed one. Ticker below moves across “Mumbai Sensex: all-time high”. Am feeling a bit hollow.

******

At Night Safari now. I’m marveling at how these guys have done it. We’re in a tram with a guide explaining everything. We pass a rhino here, a lion there. Oohs and aahs rippling across. Louder ones at the amphitheatre with the nocturnal animals show. Hosted by nice, funny, trainers entertaining the audiences. And I’m thinking, ain’t this cool? This is what tourism is about. Making life easy and fun for tourists, make them go ooh and aah. You know, few animals, some fire-eating tribal dances, food joints (they’ve got a Ben & Jerry’s here). These guys are just brilliant, they’ve got it all figured out. I mean, there’s nothing particularly spectacular about the whole place. But they’ve put in focused effort, planning investment and packaged it as must-see Singapore. And it is, it is worth the visit. I’m thinking, what have we done with Kazirangha, Bandavgarh..just to name a few? More hollowness.

******

In conversation with friend. Idle touristy chat, I’m telling her “You know, someone once told me, long time back..pata nahin when, school, college, naukri.. that these guys throw vessels in the air to keep their names. Bartan phek ke naam rakhte hain.” Friend says “Haan suna tha. Not funny any more, na?” Silent nod.

******

I’m driving across the streets, seeing all the cleanliness, efficiency, order, discipline. We don’t hear a single honk – and I mean it, not a single honk – in all our time there. The cars, all of them, shine as if they’re new. No scratches or dents. So, I’m taking it all in. From nowhere I remember that Laloo-Japan PM joke (read the last one here). Not funny any more.

******

Walking across Clarke Quay. Vibrant, party atmosphere everywhere. People milling around, unwinding on a Friday night. Out on the streets. All dressed up and everywhere to go. Loads of trendy restaurants; there’s one based on a hospital (people sipping from an IV, chairs and tables themed on hospital beds. We go “Morbid”) and there’s even an oxygen bar. There’s this whole line of restaurants with seating extensions near the quay-side. Spanish restaurants, guitars strumming away. All in the open. I think I get the term “nightlife” now. Cross over to Boat Quay, which, I’m told is the poor cousin to Clarke Quay. Dinner at a “desi” joint. Friend says, best kaali dal in all of Singapore. Very, very yum.

******

And before I know it, too soon, I’m back in Bombay. There’s an Indica cool cab in front of me. One single word emblazoned on its back windshield. “Jesus”. Around the corner, three traffic cops talking to each other, some wearing tired expressions. Their day’s just over. Or just begun. Moving out of the airport. Across the slums, its dandiyas. Huge posters with bloated netas and a small place for God. Crowds of people thronging the dandiyas in those slums, colonies and chawls. Some watching, some dancing the night away. Lines of people, crowds of people, circles of peoples.

Dandiya. Mumbai. Jesus.

I’m home. Back home to the crazy, crowded, corrupted, congested city. Enough of Singapore detox. This is Bombay. I’m drugged to its delusions. Addicted.

“Itna bhar de, ki khaali kar de”

This city I tell you.

Cityscape Series

2007-10-29T20:41:00.000+06:00

A.k.a. the "Scenes from a city" series. Just to put all these cityscape posts in one place, because I'm hoping that this becomes an ongoing series here.

1. Just another day in Sailu's life
2. The one about Delhi
3. Scenes from a city
4. More scenes from a city
5. One September Sky

Two

2007-10-24T19:17:00.000+06:00

A few days back, this blog turned two. Yay.

The first year – as I wrote here – was about seeing my words in cyberspace. The second year has widened the experience in more ways than one. Getting things off my chest has never been more fun. While I’ve always liked to write, it doesn’t come naturally to me. Blogging made me realize the rigour and discipline required for good writing. I realized it while writing and I realized it while reading other blogs.

Most of the time, my posts come out like my thoughts. A bundle of chaos, with some unpardonable trespasses and compromise on the English language. For e.g., it took me some time to realize that the “?” comes without a space. Ew, gross. Still, it’s a thoroughly enjoyable experience that I intend to keep doing till I can.

Over the last two years while I’ve cut down my regular reading list to a handful of bloggers, thanks to this job (which I enjoy more than any paid job) I’m subscribed to hazaar feeds, that I skim every once in a while on my feedreader. And believe me, there’s nothing more satisfying than unexpectedly bumping on to a good post. In these last two years, reading what I’ve read on blogs, I can safely say that for reading pleasure, blogging beats mainstream media.

Before I wrap, these are my top three posts from Year #2 of blogging.

1. Don’t you articulate me: I think this post got the best quality of comments. I never expected it, and if I can repeat it, I’d consider it an achievement.

2. The one about Delhi: Oh what fun. The trip was fun, writing about it was enjoyable and the comments were a party. I learnt more about Delhi on that trip and that post than I have in my life-time.

3. Scenes from a city: I’ve always wanted to write it. It’s the first in a series, which originated from Sailu – the original scene from this city. (Next in the series were More scenes and One September Sky)

In the early days, I used to stress over traffic and rankings. You know, all those tips about how to draw traffic, what to write, leave comments on other blogs, etc. Over time I decided to junk all of that and just write for the fun of it. I’m just lucky I get the comments I get. That’s what keeps me going. And this is the part where I thank my readers.

You.

This is my home and I invite you to it. Thanks for coming here. Thanks for spending time, time that is valuable to you. Thanks for leaving your comment and your thoughts. Those who have blogrolled me, it’s a huge honor and I hope I can live up to it. For your visit, your link and your comment, I’m a better blogger.

Where Seinfeld at

2007-10-21T11:38:00.000+06:00

This wonderfully long NYT weekend article informs us that Mr. Jerry Seinfeld was working on "Bee Movie". Which is a movie about bees. Just like his show was about nothing, but then you already knew that.

I was a convert to his show. First time I saw it, I couldn't understand what the big hoo-ha was about. Today, I've got seven seasons on DVD and plan on getting the remaining two. Like other fans, I just loved the scripts and the characters (that one long post on Seinfeld lies with those other one long posts that never made it to the "Publish" click; and I'm just not into those linking-to-Seinfeld-scripts and going I-know-what-that-feels or OMG-I-lurve-it). I also admire the man for pulling the plug on the serial.

Superb article (and reading it on the Times Reader is so much better than on a browser.) Parts I liked was about how no one - self, obviously, included - really knew what Seinfelf was up to. The general impression was that he was in an exile of his own design.

Nor can Mr. Seinfeld understand why the industry seems to believe he has spent his post-sitcom career in a cushy exile of his own design, when he continues to appear at clubs and theaters as much as possible. “That’s what I do,” he said. “That’s all I can do. That’s what a comedian is. Our thing is not disappearing into other characters. It’s being this character that you are.”

Friends who have known Mr. Seinfeld for years say that he has always been sharply attuned to the fitness of his stand-up act, and eager to perform it no matter what else was occupying him in his personal or professional life.

“When he wasn’t out there for a period of time, he would start to get antsy and feel like he was losing his edge,” said Larry David, the co-creator of “Seinfeld” and star of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” “The phrase he would use was ‘out of shape.’ I never looked at it like that.”

That Mr. Seinfeld has, since 1999, been married to the former Jessica Sklar, the founder of the charitable organization Baby Buggy, and has a 6-year-old daughter, Sascha, and two sons, Julian, 4, and Shepherd, 2, does not seem to have diminished his fervor for hitting the road.

(I'm also a big fan of Larry David's "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Seen it?). Given his perceived anonymity to the world at large, its not surprising that this is being seen as his comeback movie. I'm not sure it is, but how can you not get that reaction? Maker of hugely famous TV series goes back to stand-ups for years and is now doing a movie. Its Seinfeld and he's worked on the movie for 3-4 years. It's not about nothing. Its about bees. Can't wait to see it.

Meanwhile, read the article. Thats what weekends are for. Sinking into nice reading stuff that makes you come out saying hey, that was good.

So, found anything that you liked?

Born Bourne

2007-10-04T20:13:00.000+06:00

If this was for Hindi, this below is my choice for movie of the year, English.

Relentless. Brutal.

I think those two words come top-of-mind, besides the usual stuff like thrilling, gripping, etc. These guys (Doug Liman for "Identity" and the absolutely top-notch Paul Greengrass for "Supremacy" and now "Ultimatum") have set the standard so far above that all the so-called "new, new" James Bonds and all the other crap that passes under the genre of "Thriller" is just light years behind.

Last night I watched the first two parts and today I saw the third. All three movies are cutting edge. Its just madness. The stunts, the car chases, the hand-to-hand fights, the sheer pace of the movie. And then the man himself. Or actually human weapon? Matt Damon is so comfortable in his skin doing Jason Bourne. His physique, his blank stare and his personna just brings the character alive.

For a man who can kill with such ease, its tough to call him vulnerable. He's not. He's the "man-against-the-world" in the new - how the Americans call it - post 9/11 world. Where Operation Blackbriar has taken over from Operation Treadstone.

In particular, I think the ending in "Ultimatum" was the best in the series so far. That one minute exchange between Bourne and his assassin, when Bourne says "Look at what they make you give" was the killer line of the movie (and also a nice punch at the believers of the "Whatever it takes" theory or should I just say right-wingers?).

And the music. This is the one thriller franchise that has thrilled me with the way they use music to take the overall cinematic experience to another level. I'd half-expected Paul Greengrass to dump a background score, but wow. Percussion (bhangra beats) and electronica (Oakenfold's "Ready-steady-go" in..I think "Supremacy") remain an integral part of the score throughout the series.

And I am just so glad they retained Moby's "Extreme Ways" in all three parts as the song played in the end titles. (For e.g. watch it in the "Supremacy" here). Just goes to show how you don't necessarily need a big band or a big singer to sing a title track in a big brand movie franchise, like - yes - how Bond does.

See the movie. Visit the website too. Do both really.

And if you've not had enough, watch their DVDs and look out for the goodies (for e.g. the making of the Moscow car chase in "Supremacy". Their stunt co-ordinators and producers go "Well, the chase in "Identity" was great and we knew we had to go a level up"...how do these guys do it.)

Definitely my picture of the year and I can say without doubt that I'm looking forward to the next Bourne instalment.

Its dancing time again

2007-09-28T22:06:00.000+06:00

Just half an hour into the season premiere and I think "Jhalak Dikhlaja" (JD) has just wiped the floor with "Nach Baliye 3" (NB3's) backside. Unless JD messes up big time from here, I think there's no reason for me to tune into NB3 any more. Here's why I prefer JD.

Big judges. Last year it was Shilpa Shetty (in the pre-Big Brother days of course), Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Farah Khan. That was always going to be a tough act to follow, but they've almost matched it with Jeetendra, Urmila and Shiamak. These three, purely in terms of star value, just smoke that random lot in NB3 (Isha K, David Dhawan and Vaibhavi Merchant).

I think in the last one year, all of us viewers have gotten used to gushing judges overflowing and OD-ing and that one judge who just has to get rude if only to wipe the smile off everyone, just for impact. Like today's NB3 episode where all three judges ganged up on the first couple (I forget their names but yes, they were bad), called their performance pathetic, predictable, lazy, etc. etc. Only for the same three judges to all but run in tears to the next couple who - get this - forgot their steps mid-way through their performance. So, whose worse? A couple who danced bad or a couple who forgot their steps?

Big participants. See, the thing that connects me to these kinda shows is to see celebs struggling to do something. And they have to struggle harder than us ordinary janta on the Indian Idols and Sa Re Ga Ma Pa, etc. Ten left feet, for sure. JD has twelve diverse couples which include host Mini Mathur, Mir Ranjan Negi, Cyrus Broacha, Sonali Kulkarni, Aadesh Srivastav and a whole load of others. They might not be top-tier celebs, but they're just a very lively lot of people, most of whom I've neither seen acting or dancing. Reminds me last year of pro chef Sanjiv Kapoor and maverick director Mahesh Manjrekar who almost made it to the end. Those were the kind of people who make you tune in, if only to see what they're going to do next or because you're rooting for them as the underdogs.

And NB3? We have item girls Rakhi Sawant and Kashmira Shah (cashing in quite obviously to their rivalry on Big Bosss which was ironically aired on Sony TV - the channel airing JD), ohh-Lolita Shakti Kapoor and an entire truck-load of TV actors and actresses. Sorry, I can't quite identify with this lot, maybe because I know that almost all of them have some experience on the big screen or small screen. Maybe I'm not being fair but whatever.

The hosts on both shows are equally good and bad. While last year winner Husain (on NB3) looks comfortable (and experienced what with his recent Indian Idol stint), his wife Tina is just plain bad. Over at JD, last-year winner Mona Singh - her first time hosting a show, I think - is quite warm and enthu and almost seems a natural, while Rohit Roy should stick to flop movies.

Now, here's the thing. Star Plus (the channel that airs NB3) obviously knew they have a relatively weak line-up. So how do they compensate for that? Pitch the show as "Ye nach nahi aasaan." Oh ya. Read that to mean loads of drama, loads of "turns and twists", bucket-loads of tears on stage, judges being extra rude, etc. Recall that in the first season of NB, participating couple Varun and Rajeshwari had literally stopped midway in a crucial round, saying they - get this - blanked out. In season two, last year they had a round where fellow participants had to vote to bump off a pair off the show. Oh, and also watch out for scoops and scandals on sets to reach newspapers to keep interest in the show alive (although I think even JD might indulge in that).

Like I'd said last year, we all love underdogs. We root for them, sympathise for them, laugh, cry and enjoy with them. And of course, vote for them. We mock their falls, and wish for their recoveries. They have to slog for our love and bear with our fickle affections.

Right now, I don't feel a thing for anyone at NB3. While JD...whoa..hang on, what's this? Sudha Chandran dancing on Naughty, Naughty? Yep, aye gori, jara nach ki dikha, jara thumka laga. Now, we're talking, now we're dancing.

Baliye can keep nach-ing where they are, because I'm going to see more of the Jhalak I just saw.

Simpson and Greenspan

2007-09-22T20:26:00.000+06:00

O. J. Simpson in conversation with Alan Greenspan.

Greenspan: The first draft of my book actually had a lot of steamy sex scenes in it, but my publisher was afraid they wouldn’t stock it at Wal-Mart.

Simpson: Don’t get me started on publishers. Have you seen my book’s cover? They made the “If ” in the title so small it looks like the title is “I Did It.” I mean, talk about exploitative. It’s like if Herman Melville’s publisher printed “Moby” in tiny letters so that people would think the book was called “Dick.”

Oh I kid that alleged killer and that alleged creator of the sub-prime crisis. Go read another hilarious S&M at the New Yorker.

One September sky

2007-09-17T20:21:00.000+06:00

Or just another scene from the city. Just one this time.

I think Bombay reveals itself in these brief glimpses. You have to see it to know it. And they're always around. Like this one.

Around 6.30pm. You know, the time when nowadays, the clouds and the sun and the sky seem to come together in a riot of colors. September skies. I'm not kidding you. Check out the skies during sunset in September and they will be different than other months. The kinda skies that make you want to halt everything and marvel at the beauty that one sunset can be. Like an entire ritual on its own.

But this is Bombay. Life zooms you by.

So, I was halted at a signal, on Marine Drive. And I see this young lad cross the road before me. Shirt out, something held in his left hand. He bends and with his right hand reaches for the footpath. Gently touches it, then touches his hand to his forehead, his lips and his heart.

He strides forward on to the footpath and in a single movement his left hand unfurls and out comes one of those lighted yo-yos. The kind kids like (or do they any more?), the kind that make a line of light when you flip, toss and pull it. You know the kind you see people selling on Juhu, Chowpatty. On Marine Drive.

That's it.

He's selling these yo-yos. Or whatever they're called in Bambaiya.

That's him. Beginning his working day at 6.30pm on Marine Drive. A place he regards as his source of income. Something holy. He seeks blessings from it, says a quick prayer before beginning his day. You know, maathe pe lagaa ke.

Quite like the broker entering the stock market. Everyday. They do the same thing. Before they climb the stairs, they first touch the ground to their forehead and then begin their working day. Or the coolie at Dadar platform. Or...well, this is Bombay, I'm sure you've seen them. Business is religion. This is Bombay.

And Bombay treats its people the same.

That traffic signal where I saw this lad, had share-a-cabs and buses loaded with people returning from Nariman Point to Churchgate. And it had loads of cars with people. All going back after a day's work in the city. Earning a living. All of us in the same journey.

Just like this one lad, whose day would probably end at midnight.

All of us are one in our pursuit in the city. That fresh, clean-shaven, suited, booted lad who walks out of Bombay Airport, armed with his degrees and an acceptance letter for a high-paying job at foreign bank. He might not touch the ground and then his forehead when he walks off the airport. But he's in the city for the same reason as the lad above. I see both of them as one.

Just as I see the wealthy seth and the top-ranking CEO. All of them, they're the same as this guy selling these yo-yos. Or whatever he calls them. We're all the same, aren't we? In the pursuit of wealth, happiness, sadness, money...or whatever you call them.

Yes, Bombay is lived in these flashes. In these moments. Did you catch one?

Three months to go

2007-09-14T14:03:00.000+06:00

But still...

Here's my movie of the year 2007.

Magnificent. You've either seen it or..well. "Ye le Preeti, dekha de woh launde ko" and "Acha hai, apne desh mein hi swaagat kar rahe hain aap" were among my favourite lines. I'd love anything that Jaideep Sahni's written but he went one level up with this. I'm looking forward to seeing it again - if only for those superb Delhi shots.

I seriously doubt anything in the coming three months will come even a mile close to this one movie. And here I count OD master Bhansali's "Saawariya" and Farha Khan's "Om Shanti Om". Promos for both movies are already out, i.e. two months before launch (same day - Nov 9th). They might be blockbuster stuff, but honestly, just for pure fun, spirit and emotion, Chak De towers.

I also have my song of the year.

I thought "Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd." was probably among the most under-rated movies in recent times. I enjoy "Vaari vaari" simply because it sounds so fresh every time I hear it, unlike any of the chart-busters this year. The picturisation of the song was brilliant and probably adds to the overall experience. I'm a fan of K. K. Menon and as you'd see above he was just mad, mad, mad in this song.

And before I go - Amit Paul for Indian Idol.

Heard at a pub

2007-09-13T15:58:00.000+06:00

Scene: Hard Rock Cafe, Lower Parel Mumbai, 7.15pm. The place is understandably empty, 'cept for a bored group of Phoenix/Kamla/Raghuvanshi/Mills exec-types who were told that Boney M was performing live that night (not..dude).

With half hour to kill, yours truly enters this hoo-ha joint for the first time, that one kind gent I know said he would give his temporal lobe for (oh I kid him, but he does lurve the place with a Dharmendra-esque passion).

Int. Me, trying to get attention of waiters.

Waiter 1 - demonstrating various aasanas for nose-digging while tilted near the cash counter

Waiter 2 - staring vacantly in no particular direction

Waiter 3, 4, 5 and 6 - In unison break loudly into "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" (oh ok, it was some Lynyrd Skynyrd song). I was told this is the style.

Waiter 7 - occupied with above said group of P/K/R m.execs

Pretty young types at the door - discussing shades of Maybelline

After much gesticulations on my part....

Waiter 8 - "Yes sir"

Me - "A Budweiser please"

(with bored look) "We don't have Budweiser"

"Ok, Heineken"

(with testy look) "We don't have Heineken"

(with 'huh' look) "Huh?"

"Sir, we don't keep Budweiser or Heineken"

"Ok, what have you got?"

(with where-do-these-guys-come-from-look) "Fosters and Corona"

"Fosters then"

Said sequence till Waiter 8 repeats all over again when I ask for the bill.

Bill is paid, sans tip. Thanks very much.

Quick notes to self -
1. Big brand doesn't mean anything

2. "Hard Rock" as a music genre can be interpreted to include only flop rock songs of the past and played-to-death rock anthems

3. The audience of 35-45yr old execs is an important one. They are rich and more importantly, they can be serviced solely with an iPod shuffle on a constant loop of 10 songs (so no DJ required)

4. Above said iPod loop should include "Brown Girl in the rain", "Rasputin", "Smoke on the water" and end up by giving these young-at-heart lads the chance to sing "whoa oh oh oh oh Sweet child o' mine, whoa oh oh oooohh sweet love of mine" while inebriatedly leaving the bar.

Oh yes, I'm not going there again.

For a saner, rant-free view, please read earlier posts by Sakshi here and Rashmi here.

Heard at the airport

2007-09-09T20:35:00.001+06:00

Scene, today noon at the airport exit.

So, this guy selling those India maps is doing his thing. Approaches two young, American tourist lads waiting for their hotel car to pick them up.

"Sir, map sir, you want map sir?"

"Dude, I'm not even from India"

"Sir, map sir, you want map of India sir?"

"You heard of America man?"

"Sir America sir, yes I know America sir"

"Yeah? Well, you know who I am? I'm George Bush"

"Sir, if you are George Bush, sir, I am Bill Clinton sir"

Tourist lads jaws drop while map guy walks away, game, set and match.

Some clarifications

2007-08-24T14:19:00.000+06:00

Somewhere on this blog, if I've given the impression that "I love Bombay" or its "never-say-die" attitude or that I praise the "spirit of the city", I think its a good time to clarify. It says "Bombay Addict" not "Bombay Lover" or "Bombay Deewaana".

"Love"? There are things I really love about the city and things I don't. But, whole-hearted, undying, to-die-for, unconditional kinda love? I'm not sure about that. Can I stay somewhere else? If I have to. In fact, I'd prefer some place where I can afford a house. Will I miss Bombay? Sure I will. I'll miss its places and its people.

"Never say die" attitude? Um. See, Bombay is about money. Nothing else. Its not World War 1 or 2 or 3 happening on a daily basis. Out here, time is money. You want yours. Everyone else wants theirs. The colour of money that a cabbie makes is the same as that of what an industrialist makes. Does that make them "heroes" or "survivors"? I'm not sure. They found their ways. We have to find ours.

"Spirit of the city"? Bumper sticker and nothing more. Humanity on any other day, that over the years got romanticised, got garbled and took the shape of a tag-line, a by-word to be used on every show and in every column when things go wrong.

See, here's the deal. I like all the cities I've visited. I blogged about Delhi. I've wanted to but never have blogged about Chennai and Bangalore. Both wonderful cities in their own ways. I've only been abroad all of four times. Twice to Hong Kong and once each to Colombo and Dubai. Never to Shanghai, New York, Tokyo, London, Singapore, etc. When, or if, I can, I'd love to do scenes from all these cities.

I'm sure there are enough people who came flat broke to the shores of each of those cities, and made it in life. They will tell you a tale if you wish to hear it. I'm sure they all like whats good in the city and hate whats bad.

I don't know what makes Bombay "better" or "worse" than these cities. Its all going to boil down to who you are and what you want. Out here in Bombay, we are all people on the same train/bus/car/rick/taxi going to the same stop/station/destination. Earning a living and living our lives. I don't know how that makes us better - or worse - than other travelers in other cities in India and the world.

PS - If you lived in or visited any of the cities above - or any city anywhere - I'd love to hear your views. Thanks in advance.

PPS - I just have to recap these words. They say more about this city than anyone else I've heard in recent times.

Utar Jaaye Ragon Mein Jo Toh Yeh Nasha Hai
Iski Aadat Jo Pad Gayi Toh Yeh Saza Hai
Aise Bhar De Ke Khaali Kar De

Shifting to own domain

2007-08-24T10:40:00.000+06:00

After much hair-pulling, cringing, griping, cribbing, etc. I've finally succeeded in moving both my blogs to my own domain. Yay.

Thanks a ton to Rajesh who, with immense patience, took me through the whole process (which was like toying with that cutting the red-or-blue-or-green wire in the nuke) very calmly. Kind man.

Yes ledij and gaants, welcome to the new home of Bombay Diaries. Or at least the URL. What were you expecting?

I'm given to understand that you have to do nothing. Everything remains the same, feeds, links, etc. and I'm hoping it does. See you on the other side.

More scenes from a city

2007-08-19T12:51:00.000+06:00

Another trip back home, more sights, more thoughts. The city's the same.

For once, I leave when the sun's almost melting into the sea. Not after.

And a sunset at Marine Drive? Yes. That's what gets them there, doesn't it? Nothing like the sun and the clouds in frenzied colours. Grey, black, hint of white here, blue there. Oh and Marine Drive is being done up nowadays. Looking all swanky. Hong Kong, Shanghai, Singapore. Everything but. Bombay is only Bombay. Forever.

So there's the sheng-chana wala. There's the kids from Jaihind, Sydenham, KC, HR. Man, I used to come here on weekends with my friends all the way from Bandra. You know - lets go to town for a drive. Check out the babes, the townie crowd. Sheesh. I still come here. Everyday now. For work this time.

So, there's the kids. Then there's the posh variety. Young, old. Walking their dogs, brisk walking in their track pants, furiously, staring and glaring at anyone in their way. Evening walks and all. Man..where do they get all that time?

And then the couples. Endless pairs of couples. Arms around each other, intertwined. Sweet nothings all over. Coming back from work, going back home. Meeting up at Churchgate, going to Marine Drive. Catch the sunset. Spend time together till we get married. Or don't. So why'd you come home late? You know, work, it piles up.

There's also the singles. The men. Some staring vacantly into the sea. Unemployed, employed, lost-my-job-today, came-here-to-look-for-a-job. You know, nowadays they want someone who can talk English well, these private companies.

"I don't know if I can make it here. But hey, I'm enjoying myself before I leave tomorrow. I've seen Marine Drive in so many movies. When I go back and tell them I was here, they'll be impressed. They won't care if I didn't get a job. Wish I could take a photo. But tell me, uncle, how come they're no photographers here? there's so many of them at the Gateway of India."

Man, I feel so old sometimes.

Babulnath is really jammed these days. What is it with this Shravan fasting and the daily crowd at the temple? Hah. I remember what this Gujju friend told me about his brethren. Saale. Dikhaane ke liye vegetarian, Jain, no kaanda, no meat, no chicken. Saale. Then check 'em out in the night - having tangdi at Bade Miyaa and heading out to Topaz. Sab saale aisi-ich hai. I never met anyone who fit that profile. Yet I don't know why I keep remembering that story once in a while when I pass Babulnath. Funny.

Cadbury. Mahalakshmi. Traffic cops. That one looks new. Smart guy. Young. Crisp shirt, topi ekdum straight. Takes his job seriously. Maybe he'll stop that guy in that Skoda talking on his cell, while driving. Maybe he wont.

And the street kids. I think Bombay belongs to the street kids. I remember going to the Kala Ghoda Festival coupla years back to see a Terence Lewis dance show. So, once its over, they're packing up. There's still some chairs and tables lying around. You know, for the VIPs and all.

So, everyone's clearing the table, but somewhere some music is still playing. And there's this raggedy girl. Torn and dirty frock, frayed hair. Her family's begging somewhere around. But she slowly climbs on top of this white plastic table. No one's around her and the music's still playing. And she's swaying to the music. Unaware, unconcerned, blissful in that moment of nothingness and joy to some song. Her ma finally lands up from somewhere, drags her back with her. Oh thats ok with this kid. She goes off all smiles. That moment was hers.

Worli. Bus stops. Lots of them. And the people waiting for the buses. I don't know what it is about the journey home after a long day at work (are there any other types these days?). Its just special. Leaving for home to the people you love? Nothing like it. Makes the day worthwhile. Makes that boss a bit bearable. Even if he's the only thing on your mind at that time.

I see the people waiting there. You know, leaning against the bus stop. Looking out for the 83, or if you're lucky you might get an empty 84. If only they had more AC buses. The people at the bus stop. Some of them plugged into the radio on their phones. Some talking. That hurried smile. Two words on the phone, "attaach neeghaali", before the bus thunders in. Or a hurried one-word text - "left". Or a quickly wiped tear there, wonder what she was feeling sad about. She looked cute. What kinda guy....

Then Mahim. But you've been there. You've seen them, hunched up and bunched up. Waiting..hoping?...for food. They don't go away. They don't. This is Bombay.

And before I know it, I'm finally somewhere home. That familiar Bandra junction. That chaos at China Gate restaurant which is now an entire building. The traffic jam. Valet parking. Narrow, two-way lane. Chaos. All for food. Everyone lining up to get in. Minimum half an hour waiting. And they line up. Not hunched up but a bit bunched up. They don't go away. They don't. This is Bombay.

It gets tiring once in a while. This 20km trip I'm doing everyday. But its a journey home. Nothing like it.

Or the city. And its places and its people. Nothing like them. The city. If it won't kill you, it will probably make you harder. And run faster. And fall here and there.

This city I tell you.

Searing lava or choking ash

2007-08-02T17:24:00.000+06:00

[Incoming from Kitabkhana]

The 2007 Bulwer Lytton awards are out. Here's the winning entry from Jim Gleeson

Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.

This reminds yet again of the Bad English Contest held here. At that time I had no idea that there was a formal contest like the BW. Yet, the BEC was huge fun. I still think that mangling the English language with hyperbole, exaggeration, mixed metaphors and such like requires some effort and can be fun.

Loads of fun. Check out the complete list of BW winners here.

On fatty bombolatty

2007-07-30T14:04:00.001+06:00

Ok, so I admit it. I'm fat. I can't hide it any more. I'm coming out. There it is. Out in the open. And now that that's out of the way, can we move on? Thanks.

I went a bit "Hmmmm" when I read this piece in the NYT by Dick Cavett. He says..

Television comedy, in particular, has become an equal opportunity employer of the gigantic. It seems as if nearly every sitcom has a requisite fat, sassy black lady (or man) or a fat, avuncular white Uncle Jim large enough to absorb the scripted fat jokes. I have yet to see one of those Comedy Central shows with multiple standup comics that doesn’t include someone the size of the Hindenburg. Frequently the comic is black or Hispanic — the two groups, according to many studies, currently bearing the brunt of the obesity plague.

Back in Bombay of course, the media - be it TV serials, adverts, hoardings, etc. would have you believe something else. Part of which it might be true, for e.g. Adnan Sami, Shekhar Suman. Look at Bips. What did she do to herself in Beedi?

My world is a bit different and closer to what Mr. Cavett's talking about. People I know, friends of mine, all of them. Looking a bit..what's that politically correct phrase?.."pleasantly plump". Little signs of another chin coming out here, a neck disappearing there. Someone who was quite thin and slim, lean and mean (love-making machine? geddouttahere) now looks like he's been stacking up the pizzas and sizzling brownies with walnuts and cheese-filled enchiladas.

Yes, we're all working hard and playing hard. Which is why an entire industry has come up around fat-free, etc. They didn't even leave shrikhand and rasgullas. And of course 98.5% fat-free gelato. Et al.

In school, I was pretty much 10-over par. Then one fine day - and I recall with amazing clarity - I woke up and all my trousers were loose, I was feeling better. I think I'd pretty much gone on some major diet and had done cycling and stuff. I didn't even know it till I noticed that man...they weren't calling me "Jaadya" any more.

Then college happened, then gymming happened. And then work happened. Loads of work happened. So much work, so little time. Gym went out of the door. And weight came in. And man, have I put on. I don't want to go into numbers, but you get the picture.

In the article above, Mr. Cavett goes on to add

But it’s no longer true that Europe and Asia can point to America and smugly sing, “Fatty, Fatty.” We’ve exported our revolution with our fast-food chains. Japan now has obese children for the first time in its thousand-year history. Mad for anything American, young Japanese have made McDonald’s (charmingly: “ma-ca-do-naru-doz”) their second – if not first – home, partaking there more than once a day.

I don't know if thats true in India. All those MackDees seem full whenever I go by. Those Domino pizza guys whiz across in their scooters like there's no tomorrow. And they still line up at Kailash Parbat and Bade Miya like they used to. But when I see around me, man, these bacha log, especially in college..all of them look like so nice and fit. Maybe no rippling biceps and curvalicious corners, but you get the picture.

So, what next? Guilt trips galore. Major internal strategy sessions (?) on the need to shed. And shed soon. Avoid wife's stern stare. Head to weighing machine, trembling in trepidation if that kaanta's crossed a century.

Gaah.

Do you have any inspirational stories on how you gained and lost and then gained and lost again? Or, do you want to privately wallow in self-pity on the state of your weight? do you want to beat your breast or chest with how you can simply not find that 25th hour to work out? (btw, I read in Mid-day that TV stars work out at 2am or something...with that mandatory photo of the track-panted actress stretched on a bench press with a trainer wearing a stern look and a T-shirt which says "From lard to hard").

Do you? then drop in a comment. Would love to hear from you.

They say, it is better to have ate and lost then never to have ate at all. Huh? Says who? That's what weight can do to sense of humor, I guess.

Gaah.

Pandora RIP in India?

2007-07-29T13:37:00.000+06:00

Kya hua tera vadaa? Gaayab? Sniff sniff. Now what am I gonna do? If you can't read the text, here's what it says

We are deeply, deeply sorry to say that due to licensing constraints, we can no longer allow access to Pandora for most listeners located outside of the U.S. We will continue to work diligently to realize the vision of a truly global Pandora, but for the time being we are required to restrict its use. We are very sad to have to do this, but there is no other alternative.

As if Websense wasn't enough, as if iTunes saying no to India wasn't enough, as if Go going Hindi wasn't enough*, as if Worldspace's steadfast refusal to launch car audio wasn't enough, now Pandora says sorry to India. Well done. Jhoom Barabar Jhoom.

* - ok, ok so Fever's got English music, but they refuse to move from Enrique, Justin and Shakira. Boo.

Archived under Lifehacks

2007-07-25T11:21:00.001+06:00

This is
- why I love blogs
- the sum and substance of posts I never wrote from drafts that I never made

Via Amit. Read full post here. I'm quoting the one I strongly agree with.

If you make your work your life, you’re making your life into hard work. Like most people, I confused myself by looking at people like artists and musicians whose life’s “work” fills their time. That isn’t work. It’s who they are. Unless you have some overwhelming passion that also happens to allow you to earn a living doing it, always remember that work should be a means to an end: living an enjoyable life. Spend as little time on the means as possible consistent with achieving the end. Only idiots live to work.

I love being 35. I did my time in learning loads of things. And I'm gonna learn so much more ahead. And my knees will hurt bad. When they do, this is what I will remember

- Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.[>>]
- Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. [>>]

Having lunch?

2007-07-24T13:27:00.000+06:00

If I did a post on infuriating phrases, I should do one on meaningless questions. One of them is "Having lunch?". People ask that of you while passing you by, or while stopping over for a "Hullo". They ask that of you when you are, quite clearly, having lunch. But still, they ask.

I don't know what it is. Where's the gap? Which part of eating can't you understand on a visual basis?

And this seems to cut across age, sex and intelligence. It cuts across relations and across time. My childhood friend would ask me as would the guy I met yesterday.

Having lunch?

And it's gently aimed at when I'm stuffing that bhurji in my mouth. Guess what? It makes answering back even more difficult. But then he/she always knew that.

No, I'm not having lunch. It's that aloo that's taking over me. And soon, it will eat you up too. Then what will you do?

No, I'm not having lunch. I have an oral fixation. For each word coming outta my mouth, I need 100million morsels to go in. See my size? They used to call me "The Blob" in my previous janam in the USA.

No, I'm not having lunch. I don't know where this plate came from. I don't know what this funny round-shaped brown thing is, or this yellow liquid, or this round, brown solid. Do you?

No, I'm not having lunch. What is lunch if not an existential man's version of the changing shapes of solids and liquids (gas?, oh you) and their meaning over the broader issues that plague humankind's dilemmas and quandaries over the implications and ramifications of the machinations of people like you. Get what I mean?

No, I'm not having lunch. I'm just so stimulated by all those things on my plate. I have this power trip thing, you know?. I need to know I'm in control. So this plate represents my kingdom. I am the master of my domain.

No, I'm not having lunch. I'm sure you don't too. It sure as hell looks like the sole purpose of your existence is to perambulate. You know, quotidian peregrinations. Oh you don't?

Yes, it's still that kinda day.

The kind of day

2007-07-19T12:25:00.000+06:00

..when I wrote this below just to let off steam. Sheesh, I just kill myself.

But I think we're on the same wavelength here, which at the end of the day, is really all that matters when you put things in perspective and look at the bigger picture rather than focusing on the small things because when everything is said and done, really, and come to think about it, the only thing that matters to all of us, and I make no exceptions here, is the fact that we are, all of us, just trying our level best to make the most of things, without, and I'm sure you'd agree, putting too many pressure points at various places and times in our lives.

To the person I subjected this to (you know who you are), I'm sorry.

More on infuriating phrases here.

I need to remind myself

2007-07-19T10:57:00.000+06:00

of things at times, which is why this is here today.

RIP Joe

2007-07-17T13:59:00.000+06:00

I don't know what it is about 35, that makes 15 look like half a life away. And cleverly preserve, in entirety, some memories that make yesterday a distant past.

One of these memories was of Joe at our school. Good ol' Joe.

He was the first guy we went to when we got hurt. You know. Kids at 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 can be dangerous. Running around all over the place. Knocking a chair - or another kid - here, banging against a sharp desk there, generally having fights. Hey, that seat on the slope was mine you duffer. I'm gonna grab your sleeve and give you one jhaap.

And so whenever we used to get hurt, we used to run to Joe. You know. Apna bacha party, snot-filled noses, bloodied shirts, hands, cuts, bruises. All smiling happily. It hurts man, but its fun.

Not something you look upon kindly when you're 35. Like I am. But at 15, who cares? Like I didn't. Like all of us lads at St. Stanislaus didn't.

Because Joe was there. Ready with that tincture. Oh, is that what that red thing is called? Or is it purple? Man, it sure looks cool. Gimme some of that on my elbow. Or my knee. Whoa..doesn't hurt so much now does it? Good ol' Joe. He's always there. Just outside the principal's office.

Just before the principal whacks our hands and ass and make us kneel forever because we were fighting in class over that scented eraser. Or that Star Wars notebook. Heck, at least Joe'll rub that red stuff on your cuts and stuff. Ya, Joe, he's always around.

Not any more.

Joe passed away yesterday. More here, and an extract from our alumni website.

In 1947 Kippary Alphonse Maumkel arrived to work at St. Stanislaus at the age of 17. The Spanish Jesuits at the time found his name a tongue twister and started referring to him as Joe, Joseph being his father's name.

Joe was fondly known as Dr.Joe for his skill while attending to our wounds or administering us a tetanus injection when we journeyed through St. Stanislaus High School . He will also be remembered for bringing the world to us through Visual Instructions (VI) in the school hall.

He was a simple man who served St. Stanislaus for 60 years doing these seemingly simple tasks with a smile.

Go well Joe. Provider of aid and relief to many rebellious kids. That red tincture was our savior. There are many 15-year olds today all around the world who remember it. One in particular is typing this.

186

2007-07-11T14:13:00.000+06:00

dead on Tuesday, 11th July 2006.

11 minutes, 7 blasts, 186 dead.

Never forget.

Saath saath

2007-07-07T11:37:00.000+06:00

Aur ek saath. 07/07/07.

To commemorate (?) this day, I'm posting this super photo by Twilight Fairy, who, it turns out, is a major shutterbug. Check her Flickr account here.

What do I think of this Taj tamasha? I was there at the Taj last December. Its an absolute wonder. In my heart, it will always be that.

But do I need to vote for it to be kept among the "Seven wonders of the world"? I'm not sure what that achieves. I'm not a big fan of the national pride thing either. Somehow I can't hear the goonj in "I'm proud of the Taj". I mean sure its an absolute marvel, its a symbol of love. And that's what its meant to be. A personal thing for everyone. The world pretty much knows it. Those who don't, will one way or the other. So I'm not voting to keep the Taj in the wonders of the world.

There was once a Mughal emperor who built this monument as an expression of love. And that's what it will always remain. Love's universal. A wonder of the world on its own.

The Eight things tag

2007-07-06T16:00:00.000+06:00

Filmiholic, with whom I share the common love for movies, tagged me here on 10 things you hate about me...or..hang on its "8 random things about me".

She tags, I take it forward and here goes nothing.

1. I'm a control freak. I'm trying to control it, but it gets tough.

2. I once told Vidhu Vinod Chopra "You think its worth this?". "It" being "1942, A love story" and "this" being the wait in a long - and I'm talking China Wall long - queue of wretched people (self included) drenched in the rain clocking 4 hours, waiting to book the tickets at Metro Cinema in Dhobi Talao. I came in the line at 10am (which, I was told, had started at 6.30am) and left at 6pm for booking two tickets for opening weekend of this movie. VVC walked in at about 2pm. With his brother, gloating at the line. Saala, he just smiled at me. I loved the movie, I just totally freaked on it at that time...that time being 1994. Note to bacha party: Anil Kapoor, Jackie Shroff, Manisha, RD Burman and Vidhu Vinod was a huge combination at that time. Oh, and the very next day I won two tickets for the same movie, courtesy some competition. Life.

3. I'm a big mobile phone freak, but strictly Nokia. I currently have the N95, prior to which I had N80, prior to which the N70. I love technology, but you won't find me dead with a Blackberry. I've been hoping, wishing to write on these devices, but damn waqt. And I've still not been able to figure out where (or if) Macs have a backspace key (help needed).

4. I've been mentioned in Rashmi Uday Singh's Good Food Guide (I think it was 1997 or 1998). Self and the blogger known as Purush (hey there dude, hope you had a good flight back) scoured Bandra, Khar and Sion Koliwada to cover a section of the book called "Budget Bites". Budget being Rs50 for a wholesome meal. Ho boy, we were such kids then. But heck, we had a blast.

5. All three movies mentioned in the "fav movies" part of my profile, star Kevin Spacey. American Beauty, Se7en and Usual Suspects. Absolutely love all of them. And he's the man. His recent decision to quit movies has just made me admire him a bit more.

6. My, ahem, profile was active on Shaadi.com for almost a year - most of 2005. I got married in Dec-05, but no, not via Shaadi. There's a whole single life that's gone unblogged. Ah, those were the days. There are some interesting encounters I had on Shaadi.com, but someday.

7. When the roads are not very crowded, I can make my car go from the middle of Peddar Road all the way to Babulnath without pressing the pedal. I kid you not. It's a downward slope and all other cars behaving normally, you can go the distance (just under 2kms) without gas. My secret now revealed.

8. While reading "The Alchemist" in a tent in Diskit in Leh in 2004, the solitary bulb in my tent went off slowly. It kinda just faded out. I was surrounded by pitch black darkness. The only sound was that of gurgling water in a nearby brook. It was one of the most beautiful of sounds I've ever heard in my life. I won't forget that moment, ever. I could've died in that darkness and I wouldn't have had a single regret.

And now to pass on the tag, I nominate some of my favouritest bloggers
Kusum
Sughosh
Punds and
Chronicus Skepticus

I'm aware that this tag is hazaar old, but its fun. If you've already done it, oye come on yaar, one more time. Enjoy it guys.

And ya, there are some rules
------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
4. If you fail to do this within eight hours, you will not reach Third Series or attain your most precious goals for at least two more lifetimes. (yeah right, just like you get a date with Jessica Biehl if you do it in eight)
------------------------------------------------------------------

It's only words

2007-07-06T13:43:00.000+06:00

What's said: I love chocolates

What's heard: I love eating chocolates

What's understood: I don't want to go to the gym

What's remembered: I don't want to lose weight

What's re-told: You'd rather stuff yourself than come shopping with me

What was meant?

PS - not based on a real-life incident.

Thinking blogger tag

2007-07-05T15:48:00.000+06:00

That kind man, Punds has given me a "Thinking Blogger Award". Thanks Punds, as always, you remain a generous soul.

Now, rather than tagging others, I'm leaving it open to everyone who reads this. Kinda like this post.

So, here are the rules.
===================================
* This award was started here.
* You have to award five others whose blog you think deserve this award.
* Should you choose to participate, please make sure you pass this list of rules to the blogs you are tagging.
* If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
* Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
* Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.
* Please, remember to tag blogs with real merits, i.e. relative content, and above all — blogs that really get you thinking!

===================================

The blogs that make me think are easy really. I've already blogrolled them. Here ya go. Why do I like them? Go figure, here are the links.

Dilip D'Souza
Govindraj Ethiraj
Curious Gawker
Dhoomk2
Punds
Abodh
Filmiholic
Purush
Kusum Rohra

Before you protest, here's the thing. I'm damn tied up in work. I'd love to write about why I love these blogs. I'd love to give many more links because I think there are a whole lotta other blogs that make me think.

But honestly yaar. The discovery is much more fun. That too with a clean slate*. So, what say? what's the latest blog that made you think? Let me know.

* Sheesh, I kill myself..discovering things with a clean slate in your mind which, at the end of the day, can be really a whole new world of learning things that, one way or the other, can make you see things in a whole new light, adding new meanings and giving different colors to things that you already knew....(why this? because).

Blog interrupted

2007-07-02T19:40:00.000+06:00

Not writers block. Just work, loads of it. That and consecutive washed out weekends, a house in a bit of disarray, some major DVD sessions (not movies), one deadly sin (sloth), one hopeless internet access provider and there you have it - my blogging life has been pretty much derailed.

But I'll be back. Gimme a bit. Thoda karo intezaar, rukavat ke liye khed hai.

Meanwhile, you could do well to check out these links (courtesy: yet again, Peter Griffin)..
1. The Guardians 1000 movies to see before you die
2. The American Film Institute's 100 greatest American movies:

No, I've not gotten the time to even check them out, but I will...just as I will blog. Soon. Thoda karo intezaar.

PS - I've also been tagged twice. I am aware and I shall do, but thaambaaa...

On Infuriating phrases

2007-06-19T20:36:00.000+06:00

This is part of a link that just came in via e-mail from the good Peter Griffin.

I hear what you're saying but, with all due respect, it's not exactly rocket science. Basically, at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is you have got to be able to tick all the boxes. It's not the end of the world, but, to be perfectly honest with you, when push comes to shove, you don't want to be literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Going forward we need to be singing from the same songsheet but you can't see the wood from the trees. Naturally hindsight is 20/20 vision and you have to take the rough with the smooth before proceeding onwards and upwards. The bottom line is you wear your heart on your sleeve and, when all is said and done, this is all part and parcel of the ongoing bigger picture. C'est la vie (if you know what I mean).

That paragraph of prose, or text is basically, essentially, you know, like a winner from a, well, contest for "Infuriating Phrases". This competition - or is it contest, what do you think? - was held by that tabloid newspaper from London, Britain (UK).

To read all of the ten winners who individually won the ten prizes, which were incidentally all of them together one book, i.e. each winner won like one book - the same book - click on this link which will open up into window with the link of the Telegraph article.

But at the end of the day, after its all said and done, and with all due respect to the participants of that contest or survey or whatever, I firmly do believe and opine and think that all those participants who took part were all essentially winners in their own parts. Each and every one of them individually were all of them in a certain sense, not to put too fine a point and if you get what I mean, you know, they are all - the entrants mind you - winners. They winners won, and that had to happen, because this was, after all and I'm sure you will agree a contest.

Ok, ok, so my point is that I like the term "Infuriating phrases". Reminds me of these posts I've done earlier

- this one on some phrases that make me go Hmmm

- this one on an NYT article about how African American people get upset over the use of the term "articulate" (and man, I just loved the comments that post got).

- And finally, it reminds me of the Bad English Contest which resulted in some super-duper entries and these winners. That was a whole lotta fun. It also resulted in some interesting comments over at Desipundit, who were kind enough to link to it then.

Well..."C'est la vie (if you know what I mean)."

Putting a face

2007-06-15T16:07:00.000+06:00

...or at least a cartoon to this blog. I present...myself.

Those who've met me, know me and are fans of me will all three of them swear that I am much more handsomer, suaver and dashinger than this. You know, rippling biceps, washboard abs, v. intelligent Colin-Firth-meets-Pierce-Brosnan-meets-George-Clooney, etc.

But enough about me.

Have you had your caricature done? How 'bout getting one and helping a cause? Like saving the Indian tigers from extinction? If you'd like to, then wait no more and jaldi karo and go here, read and sign up.

Seriously, you can look funnier than you already do.

PS - Am sick, bukhaar types and all. So responding to your comments will take some time. Of course, rude comments on this post could result in you being fed to said tigers.

Songs stuck

2007-06-06T19:06:00.000+06:00

...in my head. Both from Jhoom Barabar Jhoom (oh Shaad Ali, don't you dare disappoint..after Bunty Babli and Saathiya, don't you dare disappoint)

1. "Jhoom Barabar, Jhoom Barabar, Jhoom Barabar Jhoooooooom, Jhoom Barabar, Jhoom Barabar, Jhoom Barabar Jhoooooooom"

Out damned song, out. No, ok, it's a pretty decent song. Not blockbuster material, but very, very catchy. They (Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy..talking of which, don't you all disappoint either) seem to have combined quite a few nice instruments to make a very catchy number. Somehow it could've sounded better, but I'm just nit-picking. Jhooooooooom. Rabaa.

2. "Ticket to Hollywood, ticket to Hollywood"

Does the guy say "chaniya choli" after that?. And just what is "No no Moo-see-air, no no itna simple nahin.." Moo-see-air? Moo-see-air? Moo what? Duh? Ah..Monsieur. Hilarious. As long as its Preity who's saying that, I'm cool. If Lara can pull that off, bully for her.

My line from the trailer of the movie? Abhishek blurting out to Preity something which goes something like "To tum log ka sex ho gaya?"

The story is here, but I am not going to read it.

Oh, Shaad Ali, don't you dare disappoint.

Scenes from a city

2007-06-01T14:31:00.000+06:00

The thing I love about Bombay is the space I get to think. Not that I need any space to think, except mind space. But still.

What works for me is the journey from home to office and back. Sure, traffic is torture, but what’s new?

I get some two hours to myself. I get two hours with the city. From Nariman Point to Bandra – that’s about 20kms. A journey that takes half-an-hour in the morning (I reach early) and about an hour-and-a-half in the evening/night.

Always a good time to think. And man, I’ve had stuff to think about. Loads and loads and truck loads of stuff. I hope to share what it's all about sometime.

But till then, here are some of my random thoughts and observations while I’m driving on my way home.

Nariman Point: Horse rides, merry-go-rounds, little scooters, bikes and various other paraphernalia. Yes, this is Nariman Point. After 8pm on weekdays and throughout weekend evenings, this place goes mad. It’s like a fair. The first time I saw it, I couldn’t believe it. I mean, all this in the middle of Bombay’s business district? Looks straight out of Juhu Beach.

So, I’m guessing that this crowd is from Colaba, Cuffe Parade, etc. You know, South Bombay yuppies and pappas and mummys, taking bacha party out for a ride in the only place available there. There’s a nice economy running there on its own. Including food, etc. etc. All they need is a park…which I think is also coming up nearby. Maja ni life.

Marine Drive: On the radio…

in dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha…
tu khaab saja, tu ji le jara…
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat

I just love that song. That’s the only thing I liked in “Life in Metro” (that and perhaps Irrfan Khan and the ethereal Kangana Ranaut). Lovely song.

If only the 3-man band “Metro” had given this bearded dude more songs, because the other two (thin dude and angry dude) were very ordinary. (also read update below)

I love this song. Turn up the volume. Turn it up before they play something else. In dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha…..oh yes.

I like Fever 104FM. I switched over to them (from Radio One) quite some time back. They have these RJs in the evening who go …“Hum hein aapke Drive Time Gangsters Divya aur Rohini”. One calls herself Uptown Girl and the other is…I can’t remember..but I don’t think it was Highway Star.

Marine Drive will always remind me of Sailu. Wonder where he is.

Chowpatty: This guy at office had once asked me why’s there a crowd outside Cream Centre every evening. I told him it’s because they sell leftovers at an 80% discount. So that big crowd you see, they're all waiting to get in.

And the crowd goes mad on the weekends. Those Cream Centre guys literally throw out food in the air, like people feed pigeons at Marine Drive. And all those well-dressed people, waiting outside for (almost) free food..they go at it like mad. You know, this is Bombay. He believed me. But then he’s not from Bombay.

Babulnath: Is Banganga somewhere near by? I just have to go there. (And also to these places that that indefatigable true blue Bombay Boy – Abodh – recommends.)

Vama Flyover: There’s this "HELP" sign at some Kemps Corner building that you can spot while passing over this flyover. Big bold letters in black. Someone once told me that people got spooked by this. You know, are there kidnapped kids trapped inside, crying out for HELP? But that’s not the case. It’s, in fact, a health library (not sure if its this). I tell you, this city…

Mahalakshmi junction: Street kid selling assorted books knocks on my window. I wave him off. "Nahi chahiye boss". He goes “Worli Naka, sir, Worli Naka?”. He wants a lift. Hop in kid, aaja meri gaadi mein baith ja. He tells me of a time when a driver in a Merc gave him a lift over the same distance. I tell you, this city…

Scene below Vama flyover: Yuppie in his Honda City parked below a 'No-parking sign' blissfully chatting away on his cell, in his car. Oh, he’s not breaking the law. Law says you can’t talk while driving. Law doesn’t say you can’t talk while you’re parked under a 'No-parking sign'. So it’s cool, dude, chat away. So what if the rest of the city’s honking behind you?

Oh, and those blinking indicator lights on your car? You know, those that go off together when you press that red triangle on your dash? See, those lights don't mean “Do not disturb, I'm on a call”. They mean "Help, help, I need help". Please remember that. Who knows..the next time I see you yakking on your cell in your car with those lights on, I might be tempted to break your window and rescue you.

Haji Ali Juice Centre: This place..with all the cabs parked outside, some with those green tube lights inside...reminds me of a superb scene in Maximum City – the one where a goon takes out a dance bar girl and they meet here. He tells the cab driver to take a walk, releases love-birds in the cab, and both of them try to catch these birds…which is how he gets to touch her for the first time. If I remember right, the book said that most of these birds also die in the car.

Worli Sea Face: Have they really sold that dairy there? Will a five star hotel really come up in its place?

Shivaji Park: Man…when will they finish making whatever they’re making out there? I mean, its dug up for ages. Come on.

Mahim: Parking lot. Bottleneck. Shut down the engine, chill out. Pull those windows down. Catch a glimpse of the dargah to your left. It comes after a small temple you just passed by on your right. Mandir, masjid, one road. I think a sequence in "Maqbool" was shot at this dargah.

To your left, chances are you won’t miss those small hotels. With hordes of people bunched up, sitting on their haunches…waiting. Some have empty looks on their faces, some are hopeful. All of them wait for a car that stops and hands out a Rs50/100/500/1,000 note to the hotel. Depending on what the seth (or his driver) of the car gives, that’s their dinner. At least for the lucky ones who get waved inside. Till a hand suddenly stops those left behind, from going ahead. Because, Rs100 only covers 10 people. The others will have to wait. For the next car to stop. For some guy who’d asked mannat at the dargah, or at Mahim Church…or in his heart…and is now fulfilling it by feeding the hungry. Some of those passing by in their cars look at this wretched lot and curse under their breath “saale…muft ka khaate hain”.

Bandra: Home. Finally.

Another day in paradise. Another day in the city.

This city, I tell you...

*****

Update: Via e-mail from Amit Varma: "In Dino...was only picturised on Preetam in the film (the bearded guy). It was actually sung by Soham, who didn't appear in the film at all, but did in the promotional video." Thanks very much for that Amit.

In Obama we trust

2007-05-22T13:52:00.000+06:00

From a month-old NYT article titled "Obama, Gospel and Verse"

Out of the blue I asked, ''Have you ever read Reinhold Niebuhr?''

Obama's tone changed. ''I love him. He's one of my favorite philosophers.''

So I asked, What do you take away from him?

''I take away,'' Obama answered in a rush of words, ''the compelling idea that there's serious evil in the world, and hardship and pain. And we should be humble and modest in our belief we can eliminate those things. But we shouldn't use that as an excuse for cynicism and inaction. I take away the sense we have to make these efforts knowing they are hard, and not swinging from naïve idealism to bitter realism.''

Here's hoping the Senator from Illinois makes it.

And I envy this man for having heard him speak at Selma, Alabama. Or Al-Obama.

France, pee-pee parts and the Conservatives

2007-05-16T14:25:00.000+06:00

I have to agree with Purush. I'm a big fan of Real Time with Bill Maher and I thought episode 101, which aired on 4th May, was one of the best in recent times. So what if it didn't have a single Republican on the panel. There was Gov. Tommy Thomson earlier on in the show, via satellite....man, what kinda excuse is "my hearing-aid battery died", when you're defending your stance in favor of job discrimination against gays?

I loved the last New Rule on the show. Just brilliant. Read on..

And finally, New Rule: Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word, "France." Like just calling something "French" is the ultimate argument winner. As if to say, "What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?"

And, yet, an American politician could not survive if he uttered the simple, true statement, "France has a better health care system than we do, and we should steal it." Because here, simply dismissing an idea as French passes for an argument. "John Kerry? Couldn't vote for him; he looked French." Yeah, as opposed to the other guy who just looked stupid.

Now, last week, France had an election, and people over there approach an election differently. They vote. Eighty-five percent of them turned out. You couldn't get 85% of Americans to get off the couch if there was an election between "Tits" and "Bigger Tits," and they were handing out free samples!

Now, maybe the high turnout has something to do with the fact that the French candidates are never asked where they stand on evolution, prayer in school, abortion, stem cell research or gay marriage. And if the candidate knows about a character in a book other than Jesus, it's not a drawback.

The electorate doesn't vote for the guy they want to have a croissant with; nor do they care about private lives. In the current race, Ségolène Royal has four kids, but she never got married. And she's a Socialist. In America, if a Democrat even thinks you're calling him "liberal," he grabs an orange vest and a rifle and heads into the woods to kill something!

Madame Royal's opponent is married, but they live apart and lead separate lives. And the people are okay with that for the same reason they're okay with nude beaches; because they're not a nation of six-year-olds who scream and giggle if they see pee-pee parts!

They have weird ideas about privacy. They think it should be private. In France, even the mistresses have mistresses. To not have a lady on the side says to the voters, "I'm no good at multi-tasking."

Now, like any country, France has its faults, like all that ridiculous accordion music. But, their health care is the best in the industrialized world. As is their poverty rate. And they're completely independent of Mid East oil. And they're the greenest country. And they're not fat. And they have public intellectuals in France. We have Dr. Phil!

They invented sex during the day, lingerie and the tongue. Can't we admit we could learn something from them?

So, from now on, all you high-ranking Bush Administration officials, because the French are righter than you on most things, when France comes up in conversation, you are not allowed to roll your eyes. The only time you get to do that is when your hooker from Ms. Julia is blowing you.

For an unedited version of this, do visit Purush's post here.

On super-heroes and Spidey 3

2007-05-04T14:23:00.000+06:00

I'm a big Spidey fan. Right from this first version in 1977, (trivia - did you know Nicholas Hammond also starred as that Von Trapp-ing German lad in Sound of Music?) to the 2002 Sam Raimi blockbuster, to his 2004 sequel.

Gotta love Spidey. He's the most human among all the superheroes. That's why I also love Daredevil. I'm not a big Superman fan, he's got it it all too easy. Batman's too rich. I mean come on, the dude's got a huge car, a cave, a mansion and a butler. No way. The Hulk..well, he's huge so he's got size on his side. The Fantastic Four (come on, you're already thinking Jessica Alba) are good, but well, they're four of them including the Thing. I loved the X-Men though. Mutants are cool..and rejects too - which is their whole appeal. Mandrake 's a magician plus he's got Lothar and two bikini clad hotties. Phantom never dies (and he's got Devil). And so on and so forth. Wonder Woman?...get outta here. Super hero or childhood fantasy? Uh huh...now you know why they never made a movie on her.

But Spidey, he's human. He carries a past. He's burdened. He's a geek, a loser. He doesn't get the chicks, he doesn't have a career, he's got a loud-mouthed, foul, rude boss. But he still goes about doing his web-slinging. And he's also got a sense of humor. He is believable. And, he's Spider-man. Does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size, catches thieves......

I've held these views since I was a kid, as I maintain them now. I'm a pretty simple guy. I believe super heroes are meant to kick ass. That's why they have powers, right? They're supposed to finish the baddies. I root and rah-rah for the super heroes because good wins over evil. It's gotta. I mean these are comics and movies and stuff, right? Gimme a place I can escape to from real life.

So, because I believe in the simpler stories of good overcoming evil, of super heroes killing villains and such like, I was completely disappointed with the new, new Superman in Superman Returns. Man, was he a wuss or what. Big let-down from one of my favorite directors - Bryan Singer (interestingly enough, the same guy behind the first two X-Men movies). Superman's not supposed to have complexes and depressions, he's not supposed to go on sabbaticals, he's not supposed to see his girl with some other man with his kid. No way Jose. What next? Superman on Prozac?

I completely took to Batman Begins because I'm too big a fan of Chris Nolan. More so if he's got Christian Bale. Call me forgiving (yes, I know Katie Holmes starred in the movie too), but that's it. I was never a big fan of the earlier Batman movies, because somehow, I never caught on to Tim Burton's style. For example, in the first Batman movie , I thought it was the Joker playing Jack Nicholson and not the other way round. Too much star power, too many special effects, too little story, too little fun.

For similar reasons, I didn't quite like the new James Bond in Casino Royale. But then this new 007 was such a huge success everywhere, I figured movie-goers now want their heroes to connect with their inner-selves. You know, lose their mojo every once in a while, discover for themselves that, well, life ain't simple, even if you have double oh's after your name.

Suddenly everything's become complex for the hero. The world, the girl next door, the villain. Everything's different. So, the hero needs to introspect, discover his inner strengths. It's not as simple as melting the red wire on the time bomb with your laser beam vision, after hearing the clock tick with the super hearing, after bending the baddie's gun with your bare hands.

But coming back to Spidey and Spidey 3...I'm seeing it tomorrow night. And today, I read, with a heavy-heart that Spidey 3's already getting some negative reviews. Sample the New Yorker review below..

If “Spider-Man 3” is a shambles, that’s because it makes the rules up as it goes along. By the end, for instance, Sandman has become the size of an office block, each swinging fist as big as a truck, his personality reduced to brutishness. I half expected him to come after Spider-Man and Mary Jane carrying a gigantic bucket and spade. By what criterion did he grow so mountainous? Is he like a Transformer, or more like a genie? The fact is that if the fantastical is to flourish it must lay down the conditions of its magic and abide by them; otherwise, we feel cheated. (Tolkien knew this better than anyone.)

And this is just the first para of Manohla Dargis' review at the NYT...

If ever a movie had a case of the blues and the blahs, it’s “Spider-Man 3,” the third and what feels like the end of Sam Raimi’s big-screen comic-book adaptations. (Ready or not, the studio is talking about a fourth.) Aesthetically and conceptually wrung out, fizzled rather than fizzy, this latest installment in the spider-bites-boy adventure story shoots high, swings low and every so often hits the sweet spot, but mostly just plods and plods along, as if its heart were pumping tired radioactive blood.

Now I am aware that the tag line of the film is "The greatest battle lies within" (and man, do I love that line) - which obviously means that Spidey's gonna have a lot of inner turmoil to deal with....but I'm hoping that that black substance covering him (and his new outfit) ain't his inferiority complex or something. I mean I'd forgive Spidey going all bad for some time but please...I don't need him to become a manic depressive, or the Thinker or something. Come on.

Good part is he's also got three villains to deal with, i.e. a lot of mean ass to kick. That's something to look forward to. And so it is, that despite all these trepidations, I'm still looking forward to the movie.

Meanwhile, do you have a favorite super-hero? which one? and why? Love to know..

God, parachutes and Wall Street

2007-04-29T20:02:00.001+06:00

This one's for you, Mariachi. Hang tough, my friend.

From his book "Straight from the Gut" this is Jack Welch. Extract from Chapter 15 titled "Too full of myself".

Where God parachutes us is a matter of luck. Nowhere is that more true than Wall Street. There are more mediocre people making more money on Wall Street than any other place on earth. Sure, there are some stars, and some earn every nickel they make. They crowd they carry along with them is something else. Wall Street might be the only place in the world where a $100,000 raise is considered
a tip.

When you handed someone a check for $10 million, they'd look you in the eye and say, "Ten? The guy down the street just got 12!" "Thank you" was a rare expression at Kidder.

The outrageous pay in a good year was bad enough. It really drove me nuts in a bad year. That's when the argument would go something like this: "Yeah, we had a tough year, but you've got to give them at least as much as they made last year or they'll go across the street."

This place had the perfect we-win, you-lose game.

Wall Street had to have been better when the companies were private and the partners were playing with their own money rather than "other people's money." The concept of idea sharing and team play was completely foreign. If you were in investment banking or trading and your group had a good year, it didn't matter what happened to the firm overall. They wanted theirs.

It's a place where the lifeboats carrying millionaires were always going to make it to shore while the Titanic sank.

Do not disconnect the call

2007-04-27T16:15:00.000+06:00

Currently bogged down with work, but checking in with this YouTube clip (link via Serendipity) on a call made by an HP Media PC owner to a call center. Quite funny. Not in the rip-roaring LMAO, ROFL way, but definitely funny. This caller is one patient dude.

And talking of call centers this is probably a good time for me to tell Standard Chartered Bank that I do NOT want their credit card. I mean, in the last 2 days I've got 65 calls from this StanC call center guy/girl peddling the Titanium credit card as if it's the gift of life.

These people go "A very good morning to you sir, and how are you feeling today sir? Yes, I can hear the birds chirping and the fishes swimming near your desk so I'm sure you're feeling great sir. I would like to take 3 minutes of your valuable time to tell you about the StanC Titanium credit card, which gives you free credit for 50 generations. So you can spend all you want and your grandkids will have to pay the bill in 4,321 instalments, all at 0.5% interest per year. So tell me sir, are you interested? we're also offering an all-expenses paid free cruise to Bali, where your host will be Priyanka Chopra...."

Yes, it's one of those days.

Kahi Puneri Patya

2007-04-18T14:41:00.000+06:00

...was the title of this mail forward I received today, attached with some hilarious sign-boards (all in Marathi) from Pune. I can understand the anguish that could have gone behind some of them. My learned Maharashtrian colleague tells me that the perpetrators of most of these warnings will likely be "Konkanastha Brahmins" known to be..well..."khadoos". Whoever they are, hats off to them. There's must've been a lot of anguish behind some of those signs. Oh and I've not translated them....takes away the fun.

Now why couldn't anyone in Bombay think of something as brilliant as this?

One of the best...the last line reads "Mudvyaadhich aushad meedhale"

Update: That intrepid Mumbaikar, Abodh, has left me this link for many more patyas. In fact, and as he correctly points out in the comments below, most of the above are from this website. Click here.

That Jerry Maguire Moment

2007-04-17T14:38:00.000+06:00

Those who've seen - and loved - Jerry Maguire would recall Tom Cruise's face, when he gets a brutal reply to his "it-would-take-a-tank-to-stop-your-dad".

This leads him to the path of, um, greatness and his mission statement, titled "The Things We Think And Do Not Say (The Future of our Business)"

Mr. Maguire's face when the Kinko's guy (making photo-copies of his statement) tells him "That's how you become great man. You hang your balls out there", is a study in horror. But I digress.

Since I'm in a...well, certain frame of mind that I'd rather not write more about, I'm reproducing the text of the tank scene below (taken from here)

EXT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY -- NIGHT

Remo's 14 year-old SON (JESSE) confronts Jerry outside the
hospital room. He's a hulking kid, a Pop Warner football
player himself. His voice is in the process of changing.

SON
This is his fourth concussion.
Shouldn't somebody get him to stop?

As he talks, Jerry's cellular phone rings in his bag.

JERRY
(glib, easy)
Come on -- it'd take a tank to
stop your dad. It would take all
five Super Trooper VR Warriors,
right?

The kid stares at Maguire. It feels as if the kid is peering
into his soul... and all he sees is trash.

SON
Fuck you.

The kid turns and exits in disgust. He leaves Jerry standing
in the hallway. Devastated. Music.

You can also see this scene here (video quality is sad)

Now, the Kinko's scene (which starts from the middle of the Mission Statement)...

SHOT OF SENTENCE: We must embrace what is still virginal
about our own enthusiasm, we must crack open the tightly
clenched fist and give back a little for the common good, we
must simply be the best versions of ourselves... that
goodness will be unbeatable and the money will appear.

He pauses, and wipes his eyes, still considering the sentence.

JERRY'S VOICE
(continuing)
Hey, I'll be the first to admit
it. What I was writing was
somewhat "touchy feely."

He deletes it. And then -- zip -- he restores it and
continues on, boldly.

JERRY'S VOICE
(continuing)
I didn't care. I had lost the
ability to bullshit. It was the
me I'd always wanted to be.

INT. KINKO'S COPIES -- NIGHT

Jerry in T-shirt stands proudly watching copies pumped out.
Wired college students, band guys, other Copy People of the
Night nearby.

JERRY'S VOICE
I printed it up in the middle of
the night, before I could re-think
it.

Industrial, multi-pierced Kinko's copy guy examines the first
printed copy of the Mission Statement. He nods approvingly,
taps his heart in tribute. He slides a copy across the
counter, for Jerry's approval.

THE THINGS WE THINK AND DO NOT SAY
(The Future of Our Business)

KINKO'S GUY
That's how you become great, man.
You hang your ba11s out there.

Jerry nods. It's 3 AM, and this guy sounds and looks like a
prophet. In fact, everyone in Kinko's at 3 AM does.

JERRY
(self-effacing)
Thanks.

This is Jerry Maguire's Mission Statement, which never gets read in the movie, beyond its original title.

And finally...Tom Petty's "Free Falling". Ho boy. Now we're talking.

On Bambai Nagariya

2007-04-10T17:55:00.000+06:00

Laakh Roz Aake Bas Jaate Hai
Iss Sheher Se Is Dil Laga Ke Phas Jaate Hai
Sone Ki Raahon Mein Soone Ko Jagah Nahi
Shola Hai Ya Hai Bijuriya Dil Ki Bajariya Bambai Nagariya
Utar Jaaye Ragon Mein Jo Toh Teh Nasha Hai
Iski Aadat Jo Pad Gayi Toh Yeh Saza Hai
Aise Bhar De Ke Khaali Kar De

(lyrics from the song “Bambai Nagariya” sung by Bappi Lahiri in the movie Taxi No. 9211)

I said it then and I say it now. I’m addicted to this mad city.

The thought for this post came when I was watching Taxi No. 9211 for the x-th time on TV. What a super Bombay movie. Besides a lovely soundtrack, I really liked the way the characters were etched, the performances, and of course Bombay in the movie.

Taxi No. 9211 also takes me back to this comment by the good Filmiholic,

One other thing.... have you noticed the central role that the city itself plays in some recent Hindi movies? Bluffmaster, Taxi No 9211, Sarkar, just to name a few.

In the "Making Of" segment on the DVD of Bluffmaster, Rohan Sippy said that they saw Bombay as another character in the movie.

That comment led to the “Reel life Bombay” series, where Filmiholic and Punds were kind enough to guest. That was one of the most fun series I’ve had on this blog.

But, coming back to Bombay, love and addiction…

See, I'm addicted to Bombay. Which is a bit different from loving Bombay, because loving Bombay can get a bit dicey. I mean, sample these oft-read, oft-heard p.o.v.s -

The outraged view – how dare you say this about a city where a woman can go home at three in the night and be assured that she’d reach home safe? a city whose cab and rickshaw drivers are so honest? a city that is so efficient and quick? with such a vibrant night-life?

Or, the are-you-a-dimwit defense - how you can love a city where traffic is so miserable, politicians are corrupt, real estate end rentals are a joke, infrastructure collapsing everyday.

Or, the “Hi-I’m-from-Fortune” move – Bombay is a city of contradictions. Skyscrapers brush shoulders with slums. Mercedes engines talk with bullock-carts. Cows walk along-side Chihuahuas.

And finally, the I-will-always-love-you gambit – oh, I’d die for a vada-pav on a rain-soaked evening at Marine Drive. Or have bhel on Chowpatty with the waves touching my feet. The hazaar, yummy, road-side food joints.

Here’s the thing. Bombay is all of that and then some. But then you already knew that.

Is that enough to declare undying love - or for that matter disgust - for this city? I don't know.

And is there a truth about Bombay? I don't think so.

So, for the record, I’ll say it again. This city is a drug and I’m an addict.

Utar Jaaye Ragon Mein Jo Toh Teh Nasha Hai
Iski Aadat Jo Pad Gayi Toh Yeh Saza Hai

Why can't I hang live crows on my wall?

2007-03-28T17:30:00.000+06:00

Link via Neha, this simply superb 1985 interview of music legend Kishore Kumar, by then Illustrated Weekly editor, Pritish Nandy.

Today, more than 20 years after this interview was first done, I see the legend in a completely different light. Such simple, straight answers that you have to call the man a genius.

Its a long interview (full text here, thank you Neha), but I found it so rewarding as a reader that I went back to portions of the interview..portions like this (partly also highlighted by Neha).

PN: People would have thought you crazy. In fact they already do.
KK: Who said I'm crazy. The world is crazy; not me.

PN: Why do you have this reputation for doing strange things?

KK: It all began with this girl who came to interview me. In those days I used to live alone. So she said: You must be very lonely. I said: No, let me introduce you to some of my friends. So I took her to the garden and introduced her to some of the friendlier trees. Janardhan; Raghunandan; Gangadhar; Jagannath; Buddhuram; Jhatpatajhatpatpat. I said they were my closest friends in this cruel world. She went and wrote this bizarre piece, saying that I spent long evenings with my arms entwined around them. What's wrong with that, you tell me? What's wrong making friends with trees?

PN: Nothing.

KK: Then, there was this interior decorator-a suited, booted fellow who came to see me in a three-piece woollen, Saville Row suit in the thick of summer- and began to lecture me about aesthetics, design, visual sense and all that. After listening to him for about half an hour and trying to figure out what he was saying through his peculiar American accent, I told him that I wanted something very simple for my living room. Just water-several feet deep- and little boats floating around, instead of large sofas. I told him that the centre-piece should be anchored down so that the tea service could be placed on it and all of us could row up to it in our boats and take sips from our cups. But the boats should be properly balanced, I said, otherwise we might whizz past each other and conversation would be difficult.

He looked a bit alarmed but that alarm gave way to sheer horror when I began to describe the wall decor. I told him that I wanted live crows hanging from the walls instead of paintings-since I liked nature so much. And, instead of fans, we could have monkeys farting from the ceiling. That's when he slowly backed out from the room with a strange look in his eyes. The last I saw of him was him running out of the front gate, at a pace that would have put an electric train to shame. What's crazy about having a living room like that, you tell me? If he can wear a woollen, three-piece suit in the height of summer, why can't I hang live crows on my walls?

The one about Delhi

2007-03-14T19:37:00.000+06:00

Self, family and large part of our khandaan were in Delhi over this last weekend for a marriage. Below are some excerpts, thoughts and conversations from the trip. Comments as always welcome.

***

I just love this city. The wide roads, the trees, the greenery, the historic structures. I’ve not stayed here much, and I’ve not seen Delhi in its entirety, so I guess I'm biased and not fully informed. Yet, I wish I get the chance to explore Delhi. And its food.

***

A lot of my memories and images about Delhi stem from movies shot in this lovely city. In reverse order, the ones I can recall right now are – Khosla ka Ghosla, Rang De Basanti, Lakshya in the last few years, before that Monsoon Wedding (and man, did we have one this weekend) and before that Silsila and Trishul. Yes Lodi Gardens, oh yes.

Wasn't Chashme Buddoor was also shot in Delhi ? I’m not too sure (Lallan Miya was a Hyderabadi, right ? I’m a bit confused..but then that place where Deepti Naval stays – remember Kahan se aaye Bhadra? – was so Delhi).

***

The car that picks us up from the airport has a red “PRESS” sticker, at the top left-hand corner of its front windscreen. The car we travel in the next day has “VIP: Rajiv Gandhi some-nirmaan yojana” on it. Neither car has a yellow-on-white/black number plate, as required for taxis. And the traffic discipline. Oh joy. Lanes are for losers, so are signals and speed limits.

***

Single white-board on a tree – one of many trees on footpaths aside roads that seem as large and as smooth as expressways to me – says “Depressed? For cure contact 981XX XXXX”. It was this solitary hoarding on a tree. Too late to click a snap, the signal turns green.

***

Happens with me all the time. So, I wait to recollect what I forgot to pack. This time, it’s a tie. So we (self and wife) go searching for one and land up at “Gargee Mens Collections” – authorized Raymond showroom.

I see it also has a sale of other brands going on. Enter to find six racks of ties. Each one I choose gets a withering look (in the best of Sir Humphrey traditions) from the wife. Not even the one with the dog with lightning bolts on his tail and clover leafs at the border makes the cut.

We finally agree on one, branded “Leonardi”, costs Rs1,095 with a 10% discount. I urge him for more, imploring that we’re from Bombay. He refuses to relent. And so it is that I walk out with my brand new Leonardi tie. Leonardi even has a website. Which I just visited, making me believe that I was had. One born every minute or so they say.

***

Like in Bombay, there are lads selling pirated books at traffic signals. I notice “Master Plan Delhi 2021” in his hand. “Master Plan Delhi 2021” ? which I'm assuming is this. The sight of this book mingling with “How to increase your motivation, confidence and sexual prowess in three simple steps” and “The Kite-runner” refuses to leave my mind. I can’t imagine the BMC’s Master Plan for Mumbai being sold at traffic signals back here. I’m sorry I can’t.

***

Does anyone use “Boss” out here like in Bombay ? Or is it just always Sir-ji ?

***

Phone rings, I pick up: Hello?

Family-member on way to marriage: Haan beta, ye jagah (venue for the marriage) kahan pe hai? Raasta bataana

Me: Haanji, namaste, ek minute rukiye.

(off-phone to other elders gathered nearby): acha, yahaan aas-paas ke landmark kya hai ?

Elder 1: Juhu

Me: Juhu ?

Elder 2: Arre haan, Jhoo, Jhoo.

Me: Juhu ?

Elder 3: Kaisa nalaayak ladka hai, samajh mein nahin aata kya ? Chidiya ghar.

***

So there’s this area with a raised floor next to a table with high-tech audio gear and mounted lightings.

Me (to a worker): Ye kaahe ke liye hai bhai?

Worker: DJ

Me: DJ ?

Worker: Haan, DJ

Delhi guy casually strolling nearby: Haan, haan, yaha pe normal hain

Me (in thought): DJ ? in a reception ?

(Later in the night, when the music is blasting and the DJ is rolling his tracks and I’m standing at the entrance, welcoming guests)

Cute kid clutching my coat from behind: Uncle, uncle, DJ kahan hain ?

(Before I knew it, she’s found the floor, which is already occupied with some 135 kids all dancing to Bidi.)

***

Wife: What does this “Bidi” song mean?

Me : Ah, you know, because it’s cold, you have to light a bidi and then your heart goes on fire.

Wife: then why is Saif telling Bipasha "padosi ke chulhe se aag lele" ?

Me: Er..

***

Meanwhile, SAJNA KE VAARI VAARI JAU MAIN blasting on the stereo

Me: What does “vaari vaari” mean ?

Delhi guy nearby: Oye yaar, like a girl telling her lover "main tujh pe maari maari"

Wife (also nearby): Oh, like you didn't know that, did you ? Hmpf.

***

Aye duniya ootpatanga, kitthe hath te kithe taanga, atte kukdi dendi baanga, ede chak de phattey. I think I’m getting it.

***

This smart and fair Delhi guy catches me and goes: "Acha haan, aap to Bambai se hain. Oye yaar, why don’t you shift to Delhi ? Tum log ki kuch life hi nahin hai. Subhe subhe uthke kaam pe bhaag jaate ho. Your houses are so dingy. Bahut chote hain yaar. Utne paise mein you can get a bangla in Delhi. Family ke liye time nahin, saath mein chai peene ki fursat nahin. Ha ha ha. You must shift to Delhi. Acha to chaliye, nice meeting you”.

Silence

***

Could you repeat the fruit part please

2007-03-07T16:02:00.000+06:00

I don't have a problem with business jargon. To be fair, I work in a business where not much of it is used. And I'm not an MBA.

Still, sometimes it gets to me. So I thought I’d frame a sentence with some phrases that I hear often. Phrases that bemuse me. Sample this -

At the end of the day, to my mind - although I could be completely wrong - I see this particular market as low-hanging fruit.

Here's my take on some components of that sentence...

1. "At the end of the day" - When else ? Lunch ? breakfast ? Come to think of it, when does the day end ? Dusk, sunset, midnight ? And do important things happen only at the end of the day ? Does the fat lady sing at that time ?

Sample usage -
“At the end of the day, he’s our client”. Ah, and in the morning he doubles up as Raju serving us tea and coffee. I tell you, it was that comb sticking out of his pocket that did him in.

“At the end of the day, what matters is winning”. Because we can afford to lose at breakfast and lunch but not when we’re stuffing ourselves with vada pav at sunset.

“At the end of the day, it’s really all in your head” – oh yes and at other times it’s in my pants. Smack that.

2. "To my mind" – no, seriously. And all this time you had me going with that Jedi Mind-Reading trick of yours.

So, let me get this right…till now you were really talking about the secret desires of the receptionist ? or the hidden passions of the VP(Strategy) ? or the never-expressed feelings of that new trainee sitting in the corner of the room too scared to voice his thoughts ? And at the end of the day, you're finally talking your mind. Hallelujah.

I mean what if every hero in every climax of a movie with a time bomb goes “To my mind, it’s the green wire” before cutting it ?

Whose mind is it anyway ?

3. "I could be completely wrong" - oh come on, Einstein. You've ended the day, you've told us what's on your mind and now you're telling us there's actually a chance that you could be wrong ? Oh you modest, unassuming, shy, gallant man, you. How could you be wrong ? I mean, its us dunces who struggle to end the day, who can't read other people minds. Its us doofuses at the table who’d be wrong about this. Not you.

Come to think of it, what if the above hero in the time-bomb climax goes "To my mind, it’s the green wire, but hey, I could be wrong about this". Yes Virginia, there's a bomb on the bus.

4. "low-hanging fruit" – Full of possibilities and ripe for the picking, but I think this is enough for now.

So, do you have any other phrases that pain you ?

PS - Regular posting on hold for some time, as this legal alien heads towards Delhi.

Unfair baggage for a white man

2007-02-26T21:25:00.000+06:00

And since your competition is Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, mainly, do you think it's unfair baggage that you're a white man?

Welcome back Bill Maher. In the first part of the new season of Real Time, he asks that question to Presidential Candidate and former Senator John Edwards (D-NC), who replies

I'm not touching that

And if its Real Time, then its also New Rules. Here's Bill Maher on Joe Biden calling Barack Obama clean and articulate -

And finally, New Rule: There's more to being smart than just not misspeaking. A couple of weeks ago, Senator Joe Biden's presidential campaign hit the ground flopping when he described Barack Obama as "articulate and clean." But if you think he's a racist, you're just playing "gotcha." Yes, the remark was cringe-worthy. It always is when someone old and out of touch says something creepy. Even a Chinaman knows that!

However, when it comes to the most important issue of the day, it was this same Joe Biden who recognized first that Iraq was going to end up three countries, and that that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. And I agree. So what if Iraq gets broken up. It's a made-up country anyway. There's only been an Iraq since 1932. It's seven years younger than Paul Newman.

So, the guy who gets it on the big issue of the day, he can't run because he said a black man was "clean." And we care more about a one-second verbal brain fart than we do about who has the right answers.

Howard Dean has been a virtual Nostradamus on predicting what would happen in Iraq from the beginning, but he can't be president because he once shouted, "Yee-haw!"-- two decibels above what we, as Americans, know to be the appropriate level for "Yee-haw!" He's out. He screamed louder than the crowd screaming at him. And the media acted like grandpa just yelled out the "n" word at a ballgame.

Indeed, where is the now vindicated Howard Dean?

Mid-day introduces Mid-day Mate

2007-02-26T20:14:00.000+06:00

No, I didn't say that. But guess who did here in this para below

Competition is forcing once-staid publications to spice up their content. Mumbai's Midday tabloid has introduced a bikini-clad version of Britain's topless “page-three girls”, called the “Midday mate”. Most broadsheets offer similar enticements in colourful “entertainment” sections full of Bollywood stars.

Yes, focus on the second sentence if you will.

Mumbai's Midday tabloid has introduced a bikini-clad version of Britain's topless “page-three girls”, called the “Midday mate”.

Introduced ? What does introduce mean ? Merriam Webster defines it as

1 : to lead or bring in especially for the first time

The Economist stands guilty as charged. Guilty of not getting its facts right in this article (paid registration required) which appeared in a recent issue (15th Feb 2007).

I've been seeing the Mid-day Mate since 1989 (i.e. about 20 years back). Any self-respecting Mumbaikar knows that the Mid-day mate is nothing short of an institution. And its been around for ages and ages. I don't have the exact number. Do a google search if you want, you might find something. In an old post, Rashmi Bansal even ascribes Mid-day's growth in the past to this institution.

I mean, people have grown up on that one box on page 3. Carefully cut-out collections have been made, traded, envied, pursued by despots. And now, you're telling me that Mid-day has just introduced it ? I say ghanta.

The only thing that disappoints me more than the Economist's carelessness, is that the blogosphere seems to have largely ignored (save for the good Sans Serif who has correctly fisked the article for even more factual errors) this blasphemy. Sheesh.

Personal ads, part 2

2007-02-13T18:14:00.000+06:00

[Part 1 here]

More on personal ads. This time some delightful ones like this -

"My finger on the pulse of culture, my ear to the ground of philosophy, my hip in the medical waste bin of Glasgow Royal Infirmary. 14% plastic and counting -- geriatric brainiac and compulsive NHS malingering fool (M, 81), looking for richer, older sex-starved woman on the brink of death to exploit and ruin every replacement operation I've had since 1974. Box 7648 (quickly, the clock's ticking, and so is this pacemaker)."

That ad is from this book titled "They call me Naughty Lola: Personal ads from the London Review of Books". Read this Salon.com piece on the book which compares the LRB personal ads with those from the New York Review of Books - such as this

"LITHE, LOVELY. Vivacious, passionate, successful concert singer (Lincoln Center, Carnegie) ... Cool (but not cold) blonde with an enviably high metabolism -- witty, classy, quick to smile -- a mix of Angelica Huston/Cameron Diaz. Argentina-born, Paris (Sorbonne) educated and fluent in six languages (including Catalan -- ¡j'estim Barcelona!). Graceful, athletic, and encouraging. Laughs often and much. Can't live without: Martinique, lobster rolls, squash (the sport), and the miso black cod at Nobu. Habitué of Telluride, Napa, and The Vineyard. Well-fixed financially, looking for same. Inspired by Mozart, Stravinsky, Ray Charles, and gamelan music. Seeks intellectual, nonsmoking, fit, successful, sophisticated, not fully retired, man, 47–67."

Gaah. Now I know why I continue to love British humor.

So, before I leave, sample another ad from the Lola book - this time, woman seeking man.

"This column reads like a list of X-file character rejects. Woman, 34, able to bi-locate and start fires with the power of her pre-menstrual tension. Seeks human/Jovian hybrid with whom to start genetic processing plant (Bicester). Must have own car. Box no. 5258."

Personal ads, part 1

2007-02-13T17:55:00.000+06:00

I found this finally after searching for the blog where I first saw it. ~~That blogger~~ J.A.P. had posted it here, calling it scary because it was mostly true. I can see why. Here's why.

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish..............................49
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone
Athletic............................No tits
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful..........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile...............Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.............On medication
Feminist...........................Fat
Free spirit.........................Junkie
Friendship first ...................Former sl*t
Fun.................................Annoying
New-Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned....................No BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional.......................B*tch
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker

Part 2 to follow

PS - J.A.P. - my apologies..I should have linked your post earlier. Argh.

Mishti's musings

2007-02-12T13:31:00.000+06:00

After being gracious enough to guest on my blog here and here, the kind Mishti has - finally - started his own blog.

Ladies and gents, head over to Mishti Musings and do read his wonderful post on how a Bombayite changed to a Mumbaikar.

Don't you articulate me

2007-02-06T20:37:00.000+06:00

What does the word "articulate" mean to you ?

To me, it's an adjective used to describe someone who talks clearly and gets the message across. Of course it sometimes also depends on what the message is.

For example, check out Akon below singing the chart-busting, hip-thrusting number "Smack that"

I see the one, because she be that lady! Hey!
I feel you creeping, I can see it from my shadow
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like TaeBo
And possibly bend you over look back and watch me

Smack that all on the floor
Smack that give me some more
Smack that 'till you get sore
Smack that oh-oooh!

That's articulate man. I get the message without any doubts. Unequivocally, without a shadow of doubt, shake your booty, shake that thing, shake your moneymaker, smack that.

Much before Akon, there was Vanilla Ice with - oh come on, you know the song don't you ?. Sample this (also note recurrence of "Lamborghini")

Yo -- so I continued to a1a beachfront ave.
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving lamborghinis
Jealous cause I'm out geting mine
Shay with a gauge and vanilla with a nine
Reading for the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because theyre so full of eight balls
Gunshots ranged out like a bell
I grabbed my nine -- all I heard were shells

Rockman ? Shay ? grabbed my what ? I have no idea what he was talking about. Vanilla Ice is not articulate. No way Jose, he ain't got no good English.

I can go on and on about this, but you get my point. I mean think about it. Think of a person you know, who you can call articulate. Ever thought about what he looks like ? I didn't.

But it seems that this is a matter of raging debate in the USA. In fact, its been that way for quite some time, only I never knew it. It seems that you do not go around calling a black brother "articulate". Uh-huh. Don't you go around calling me articulate or I'll kick that white ass of yours.

Ok, so maybe that's not how Lynette Clemeston words it in this NY Times article where she writes

It is amazing that this still requires clarification, but here it is. Black people get a little testy when white people call them “articulate.”

and there's more - like this

When whites use the word in reference to blacks, it often carries a subtext of amazement, even bewilderment. It is similar to praising a female executive or politician by calling her “tough” or “a rational decision-maker.”

And this one last part (just because it quotes a show I enjoy - Real time with Bill Maher)

The comedian and actor D. L. Hughley, a frequent guest on HBO’s “Real Time With Bill Maher,” says that every time he appears on the show, where he riffs on the political and social issues of the day, people walk up to him afterward and tell him how “smart and articulate” his comments were.

“Everyone was up in arms about Michael Richards using the N-word, but subtle words like this are more insidious,” Mr. Hughley said. “It’s like weight loss. The last few pounds are the hardest to get rid of. It’s the last vestiges of racism that are hard to get rid of.”

I've never been to the USA and I have no idea what the politically correct way is to describe a black person who talks with clarity and gets his message across to his listeners. Think Denzel Washington in his closing speech in Philadelphia. Impassioned and articulate. Message across loud and clear. Think Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction. clever, cool and articulate ? I think so.

So now what ? Hang on, let me check the synonyms for articulate..

This one says "eloquent, facund, silver-tongued, smooth-spoken"

Facund ? as in "Yo Akon, you one facund brother" ?

And silver-tongued ? like "Mr. Washington, I believe you were quite silver-tongued in that closing speech you gave before the jury" ?

And that would be better than calling a black person articulate ?

Anyone out there from the USofA who can ~~add some colour~~, ~~articulate this matter further~~, throw some light on this issue ?

"Please blog, please please blog"

2007-02-05T14:11:00.000+06:00

Grabs of conversation from last Saturday's bloggers meet held at Soul Fry in Bandra

Bombay Addict (BA): Hi I'm Bombay Addict
Melody: You don't read my blog
BA: Yes I do, I commented on the time you bought a new PC
Melody: Oh, well why haven't you put me on your blogroll?
BA: Ah, er, um.

Amit: You know Sakshi ~~is related to~~ looks like Sanjay Dutt
BA: ~~She's related to~~ She looks like Sanjay Dutt* ?
Sakshi: You know I actually got a comment once which went "Yeh aapki Nargisi aankhen...you know as in "Nargis"?"
BA: Oh

BA: Why "Twisted Indifference" ? I mean indifference is like, well, you know, just plain indifferent, right ?
Sumit: My earlier blog was called "Indifferent boredom" (or something like that)
BA: Oh.

Vivek (Sumit's non-blogger but techie friend): I'm a SysAdmin
Someone: A what ?
Vivek: System Administrator
BA: You're the guy who decides what an organisation's employee can surf or not
Vivek: (blushes) Yeah
Someone: Oh ya, kinda like that pointed hair dude in Dilbert
BA: No, no man, that's the boss

BA: Heck you're one of those evil !@#$% who's blocked like so many pages at my org
Vivek: Oh, I'll show you to how get around that
BA: (excitedly) whoa ! cool ! how ?
Vivek: Do you have a piece of paper and a pen ? I'll write down a piece of code
BA: (even more excitedly) wow, wait, wait, I'll get you something
Vivek: No, no its ok, give me your cell, I'll type it there
BA: (handing over his cell) what's it man ?
Vivek: Its an anonymiser site
BA: (a dhat-tere-ki moment): Abbe saala, they've blocked all proxy avoidance sites at my org man ! Don't you have anthing besides that ?
Vivek: No man, can't beat the system then.

Vulturo: Ubuntu, OSX, HTML, RSS, CSS, Fzzz, Pthhrrr, Httrrr
Vivek: No, no ways no ways man. Hell no. Essdww, Ryyssx, Htthrr, kkxx
Sumit: No, don't even think about. They're techies man
BA: Ah.

BA: So, you were in Bombay during the riots?
Pragni: Yes, in Andheri.
BA: Good post. Don't get to read much of that kinda stuff in the sphere
Pragni: Why don't people write about it ?
Silence

BA: Nandan - man, that HT radio ad, it did really suck
Vulturo: What radio ad dude?
Nandan: (goes to explain the entire ad he posted about here, voices the whole thing)
BA: Psst, there's someone here who works with HT.
Silence

BA: So you still scared of flying ? Nice post though
Vijayendra: Yes
(Later)
BA: Kashyap and the crab !
Vijayendra: Why do you keep repeating what I wrote ?
BA: Because I like it man
Vijayendra: Ah.

Nandan: Oh God ! Blog, please blog, please - please blog !
BA: Eh ? what happened
Nandan: Man - check her out !
(hot chick - obviously a non-blogger - walks by)
BA: Oh God ! Blog, please blog, please - please blog !

There were loads of other conversations and loads of other bloggers like Akshay, Abhishek, Ideasmithy... sorry - I can't remember them all, but it was a pleasure meeting with you and a pleasure talking to you. A blast of a time.

Thanks Sakshi and Melody (their posts with photos linked) for organising it. Lovely job.

* For the record, and I quote from Sakshi's post, "For the freaking last time, I am NOT related to Sanjay Dutt."