I don't want to be a woman because
- I'm a child, a girl, a lady, a woman. A friend, a sister, an aunt, a wife, a mother, a lover. Before all that I'm a woman.
- I'm available. I'm public property. My eyes, my lips, my breasts, my hands, my arms, my waist, my thighs, my feet, my legs. Their hands, their elbows, their eyes, their feet, their chest, their mouth. Their words. Their attacks. Their gropes, their stares, their nudges, their pushes.
- I'm a cunt. If I don't smile back at a stranger saying "Hi, want a lift?".
- I'm a raand. If I don't smile back at a stranger saying "Kya madam, chalen sair pe?"
- I'm available. If you want a one-night stand.
- I'm a whore. If I want a one-night stand.
- I'm a slut. If my best friends are guys.
- I'm a drunk. If I go to a bar after a bad day.
- I'm a chaalu. If I wear a mini skirt.
- I'm disgusting. If I used foul language.
- I'm ideal. If only I only stayed at home and didn't party.
- I asked for it. If I didn't smile back, if I got drunk, if I wore a mini skirt, if I wore a tight T-shirt, if I wore jeans, if I wore a frock. If I moved in a crowd. If I wanted to enjoy a sunset alone at Band Stand. If I wanted to go home with my friends after New Years.
- Yes, I asked for all of it. The violation, the intrusion, the humiliation, the hurt, the bruises, the insults, the blood, the tears, the trauma. I asked for all of it.
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20 comments:
Whoa ! quite an outburst there. Why the sudden cynicism. Hmmm agreed that actions are misinterpreted and women are subject to a lot in public but was is a lil too harsh?
Red - Outburst it was. There were many reasons behind the post, but the two latest ones were (a) some stuff I've read on other blogs blaming - directly or indirectly - the women. I mean I just can't understand why women can't get drunk. (b) A newspaper article yesterday which carried a survey of men in major Indian cities revealing that half of them (men) would beat women if they (women) abused them. So it was a pile-up that lead to an outburst and yes it was harsh. I'm sorry if it offended your sensibilities, but I just had to get it out of my system.
Thanks so much for your comment because I don't know if I have any readers left any more!!
BA: 'Humse mat pucho kaise, mandir tuta sapno ka. Yeh kissa nahin gairo ka, Yeh kissa hai apno ka'.
This is my take (borrowed frm bollywood of course)on the 'have a drink/get drunk' aspect. I find nothing to romanticise alcohol- no 'sesshe se sisha takraye' and no 'na jaoon saiya' stuff.
Other than this, I found the post by itself a very compelling and poignant one.
I have some thoughts below that I have expressed - none of which are related to being a woman-that would be a whole post!-so I don't know why I am posting this comment.
Related to above but not restricted to it, in my view-it is poor judgement to wilfully (given a choice) put oneself (and loved ones) in any vulnerable position or situations. That includes, social (alcohol, drugs, dares by peers), emotional (affairs, refusing to let go, holding on, giving up); economic (debt,lending,income related etc) and physical (fights, weapons etc). Exceptions & accidents happen of course.
W.r.t. the Mumbai molestation incident, it is not merely about women, girls,alcohol, clothes, deprived men, debauched women etc. These are socio-cultural aspects that can have many spins on it and debates should be always ongoing on these topics.
So all blogposts have their place under the sun and to that extent when we say we respect a POV, we should mean it. Subject to of course normal internet/courtesy protocol.
Moving on, to me the issue/incident, now that it has occurred, is a Human Rights issue. It should go to the highest authority if required. The Home Minister, Human Rights Commission or whoever. Who will do it and how, that I do not know. It is about safety at all times of all vulnerable groups. To that extent, issues such as recourse available to citizens, police, media & citizen accountability, transparency and governance
issues.
Then next, as an Urban Devt. issue, we should address issues of public celebrations and allocated spaces (such as Times Square or Sydney harbour) where people can congregate and enjoy whether to watch fireworks or the sun rise on new years. On the sidelines, while one can have a drink at pubs in London, the authorities can decide on bhelpuri and lassi for all I care. Citizen groups who care can cry themselves hoarse for daaru and tangdi kebabs. It is all an outcome of who we want to be perceived as by tourists, by each other and by ourselves when we look into the mirror.
Once again, a moving post. Hard Hitting, no doubt but, *shrug* Keep Walking...
Hey Buddy --
Pretty graphic and dramatic outburst, but deservedly so, considering the survey results that you just cited in the Comments above. Economic growth might, one day, diminish these stupid male ideas of ownership over the female, as ideas of human rights and quality of life take root only when one has a certain amount of physical/material comfort in life but if it's deeply embedded and the culture around us is enabling, then it actually might get worse with more wealth and power.
hey hey chill I'm not going anywhere if thats any consolation :) But I agree totally, its always put forth as the gal thats at fault. Hmmm it did not offend as much as it took me by surprise. Have never seen this side of you so.....now I have seen it !
Besides chicks dig guys who are sensitive hehehee get it...
and did not get this A newspaper article yesterday which carried a survey of men in major Indian cities revealing that half of them (men) would beat women if they (women) abused them So men would retaliate if women abused them...hey i would too you know but not physically hehehee I know i know, i get the point. You know the most shocing thing is I was in the 10th grade and we were walking on the bandra bridge and there was this guy beating the hell outta this women (his wife?)No one did anything, all kept watching me and sis started crying looking at that horrific scene but we were bacchas man adn couldnt do anything oueselves except tell the folks around to ask him to stop. Nobody wanted to interfere. Hmmm boss wishing abuse was a crme like its here.
And oh yeah the lewd remarks and ogling its all a part of the Rich Indian Culture everybody keeps talking about.
Chill pal. Hota hai, happens
Sitting in Singapore i was shocked to read the article. As a mumbai girl I long to come back home but the news piece shocked me...scared me! Understandably so while i lived in mumbai I really did not have much of a night life. I can't thank my parents enough for putting deadlines because I don't know what would have happened of me had I lead the kind of life I lead now. Yes i get drunk and I wear short skirts and I have a really good time and I can hail a cab at 2am by myself and know i am safe... because I am not in India :-(
Deepa - I think safety is one issue and freedom another. There are some basic safety tips which apply to both men and women, pertaining to law and order. But the minute you blame the victims because our society (as you pointed out the "socio-cultural" aspects) has developed the way it has, well I'm not sure I agree with it. Sure, that is the reality, but it's wrong and blaming victims just perpetrates - perhaps even helps - the crime. Nice point on the celebrations rules. Thanks for your visit and that long comment!
Purush - Couldn't help it buddy, I was quite pissed off. Well said. That is a one dangerous risk you're talking about out there. Good to see you here, and thanks for the comment!
Red - Kya yaar, I couldn't chill!. And I thought chicks dig the car, lol!
How can a man hit a woman if she gives him a gaali? Sorry, I can't quite see any sense there. See, that's a general thing, whereas the example you cited is more of domestic violence out in the open, even though in both cases it's violence against women.
Aur jab bhi hota hai, main chill nahi maar sakta! lol.. Thanks for the comment.
ZiZi - It's sad isn't it? Sure looks like Bombay is a different city now thanks to 2 consecutive years of similar incidents. Thanks for the comment!
No problems! Emotions were running high on the topic I guess. Now all can move on,discuss cricket and wait for Worli Sea face (2009) and Marine Lines (2010) incidents.
P.S. Hey ba! I missed the bit about 'you blame the victims' earlier. I hope the use of 'you' was generic and not specific to my comment. For I do not blame (or condone?)the victims. It is irrelevant to having a safe city. And I fail to see why you wud say I blame the victins when I have clearly mentioned it is serious enough to take up with the center.
They and others in future, need protection (before) and justice/recourse (after)! And for Gods sake they were our guests! In the city we call our home.
I also do not agree that blogposts that do condemn drunken brawls and foul language 'perpetrate and help' the crime any more than others who support 'free behaviour'. They are just two varying POVs with maybe a host of others in between, (but drunken brawls and foul language are universally unacceptable and sober judgement universally accpetable) To me 'socio-cultural debates' at this point detracts the main issue of 'how to have a safe city/caring community' .
There were two guys also involved- is anyone sparing a thought for what they must have gone thru? So why is this a woman's issue only? Hope that is clarified.
Deepa - Thanks for the comments. Everything is clarified. I disagree with only a couple of things you said, but that's ok.
It is relief to know it is clarified. Thanks! Disagreement ke liye -blog abhi baaki hai-so no problemo.
even at this day and age, it is difficult to be an independent woman in india.
u know what, i see some smart young guys from india wanting their girl friends or wives to be independent, dress attractively and speak theirmind out and be uber confident.
But the guys who are lsoers just want women to be down, so their stupidity and awkwardsness is not exposed.
but good news, there are more and more indian men wanting a smartwoman but still some idiots bring the nation down and make it a bad place for women.
I hate to be woman.
If you don't understand me, imagine somebody tels you are useles, worthles or anything like thet. And you are commom insult from one man to another. you are treated like an invald (don't be insulted I didn't mean like that)
And everything you sad there.
There is a lot more!!!
And women is stupid like before again
Wow! hats off to you buddy. For all the broadmindedness the guys of this country have, few seem to realize such things. Thank you for writing this post. Glad to know all hope is not lost. Cheers :)
There is so much bravado in this outburst - Whereas there should be is indignation that such treatment is being meted out. I did not ask for such vile behavior and me being a woman does not make me deserve it either. But that again is wishful thinking. This culture needs some tweeking. I was recently physically abused by my husband - his family believes that "I" must have provoked him to "deserve" this treatment. This permeates all - he is a well travelled person belonging to a family with an army background - surely did not learn well in his life.
This is why women fail so hard. Because instead of growing some balls and fighting when they're disrespected.. they cry and whine about how powerless, subjected and oppressed they are.
I have transitioned to male because I got sick and tired of you inferior c**** always acting like stupid crybabies and embarrassing me (also, my medical gender dysphoria and identity problems I've had since I was 5.. I'm not a poseur like some).
I'm not a mean person but I would rather be a Dick than a complaining Pussy. Dicks win, pussies cry and eat chocolate bars while watching Lifetime. Oppressors win, victims lose.
Fuck you all. I love my life on the "winning" side. Hahahaha Sucks to be you!
MEN > WOMEN
Totally, completely, absolutely commend you for thinking and speaking this way,especially, and only because you are NOT a woman... RESPECT!
It's the modern culture and consumerist society that has made women a sex object. Have you seen rapes or molestation happening in an Islamic society?
I almost had a nervous breakdown seeing the horrific report. I totally am at pulse with your blog, it's so sad, people don't come forward and help. Something similar had happened to a NGO activist and her brother in Mumbai. For what? She helped stray dogs. And, people walking by, just stopped and looked.
Woh! :-/
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