Scene: Hard Rock Cafe, Lower Parel Mumbai, 7.15pm. The place is understandably empty, 'cept for a bored group of Phoenix/Kamla/Raghuvanshi/Mills exec-types who were told that Boney M was performing live that night (not..dude).
With half hour to kill, yours truly enters this hoo-ha joint for the first time, that one kind gent I know said he would give his temporal lobe for (oh I kid him, but he does lurve the place with a Dharmendra-esque passion).
Int. Me, trying to get attention of waiters.
Waiter 1 - demonstrating various aasanas for nose-digging while tilted near the cash counter
Waiter 2 - staring vacantly in no particular direction
Waiter 3, 4, 5 and 6 - In unison break loudly into "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" (oh ok, it was some Lynyrd Skynyrd song). I was told this is the style.
Waiter 7 - occupied with above said group of P/K/R m.execs
Pretty young types at the door - discussing shades of Maybelline
After much gesticulations on my part....
Waiter 8 - "Yes sir"
Me - "A Budweiser please"
(with bored look) "We don't have Budweiser"
"Ok, Heineken"
(with testy look) "We don't have Heineken"
(with 'huh' look) "Huh?"
"Sir, we don't keep Budweiser or Heineken"
"Ok, what have you got?"
(with where-do-these-guys-come-from-look) "Fosters and Corona"
"Fosters then"
Said sequence till Waiter 8 repeats all over again when I ask for the bill.
Bill is paid, sans tip. Thanks very much.
Quick notes to self -
1. Big brand doesn't mean anything
2. "Hard Rock" as a music genre can be interpreted to include only flop rock songs of the past and played-to-death rock anthems
3. The audience of 35-45yr old execs is an important one. They are rich and more importantly, they can be serviced solely with an iPod shuffle on a constant loop of 10 songs (so no DJ required)
4. Above said iPod loop should include "Brown Girl in the rain", "Rasputin", "Smoke on the water" and end up by giving these young-at-heart lads the chance to sing "whoa oh oh oh oh Sweet child o' mine, whoa oh oh oooohh sweet love of mine" while inebriatedly leaving the bar.
Oh yes, I'm not going there again.
For a saner, rant-free view, please read earlier posts by Sakshi here and Rashmi here.
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4 comments:
I am sure if you had asked for Kingfisher you would have had good service
Why will anyone go for a Budweiser as his first choice..its the worst tasting beer in the world...even chileed..Only Americans drink it and even they are now shifting to Corona
Anon - done..next time I'll order KF and lets see if I can get those waiters moving or music changing! Thanks for the comment.
Thanks BA
Go UB go !!
Yeah Anon, thanks! Now if only someone can tell HRC to start stocking KF!
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