Self, family and large part of our khandaan were in Delhi over this last weekend for a marriage. Below are some excerpts, thoughts and conversations from the trip. Comments as always welcome.
***
I just love this city. The wide roads, the trees, the greenery, the historic structures. I’ve not stayed here much, and I’ve not seen Delhi in its entirety, so I guess I'm biased and not fully informed. Yet, I wish I get the chance to explore Delhi. And its food.
***
A lot of my memories and images about Delhi stem from movies shot in this lovely city. In reverse order, the ones I can recall right now are – Khosla ka Ghosla, Rang De Basanti, Lakshya in the last few years, before that Monsoon Wedding (and man, did we have one this weekend) and before that Silsila and Trishul. Yes Lodi Gardens, oh yes.
Wasn't Chashme Buddoor was also shot in Delhi ? I’m not too sure (Lallan Miya was a Hyderabadi, right ? I’m a bit confused..but then that place where Deepti Naval stays – remember Kahan se aaye Bhadra? – was so Delhi).
***
The car that picks us up from the airport has a red “PRESS” sticker, at the top left-hand corner of its front windscreen. The car we travel in the next day has “VIP: Rajiv Gandhi some-nirmaan yojana” on it. Neither car has a yellow-on-white/black number plate, as required for taxis. And the traffic discipline. Oh joy. Lanes are for losers, so are signals and speed limits.
***
Single white-board on a tree – one of many trees on footpaths aside roads that seem as large and as smooth as expressways to me – says “Depressed? For cure contact 981XX XXXX”. It was this solitary hoarding on a tree. Too late to click a snap, the signal turns green.
***
Happens with me all the time. So, I wait to recollect what I forgot to pack. This time, it’s a tie. So we (self and wife) go searching for one and land up at “Gargee Mens Collections” – authorized Raymond showroom.
I see it also has a sale of other brands going on. Enter to find six racks of ties. Each one I choose gets a withering look (in the best of Sir Humphrey traditions) from the wife. Not even the one with the dog with lightning bolts on his tail and clover leafs at the border makes the cut.
We finally agree on one, branded “Leonardi”, costs Rs1,095 with a 10% discount. I urge him for more, imploring that we’re from Bombay. He refuses to relent. And so it is that I walk out with my brand new Leonardi tie. Leonardi even has a website. Which I just visited, making me believe that I was had. One born every minute or so they say.
***
Like in Bombay, there are lads selling pirated books at traffic signals. I notice “Master Plan Delhi 2021” in his hand. “Master Plan Delhi 2021” ? which I'm assuming is this. The sight of this book mingling with “How to increase your motivation, confidence and sexual prowess in three simple steps” and “The Kite-runner” refuses to leave my mind. I can’t imagine the BMC’s Master Plan for Mumbai being sold at traffic signals back here. I’m sorry I can’t.
***
Does anyone use “Boss” out here like in Bombay ? Or is it just always Sir-ji ?
***
Phone rings, I pick up: Hello?
Family-member on way to marriage: Haan beta, ye jagah (venue for the marriage) kahan pe hai? Raasta bataana
Me: Haanji, namaste, ek minute rukiye.
(off-phone to other elders gathered nearby): acha, yahaan aas-paas ke landmark kya hai ?
Elder 1: Juhu
Me: Juhu ?
Elder 2: Arre haan, Jhoo, Jhoo.
Me: Juhu ?
Elder 3: Kaisa nalaayak ladka hai, samajh mein nahin aata kya ? Chidiya ghar.
***
So there’s this area with a raised floor next to a table with high-tech audio gear and mounted lightings.
Me (to a worker): Ye kaahe ke liye hai bhai?
Worker: DJ
Me: DJ ?
Worker: Haan, DJ
Delhi guy casually strolling nearby: Haan, haan, yaha pe normal hain
Me (in thought): DJ ? in a reception ?
(Later in the night, when the music is blasting and the DJ is rolling his tracks and I’m standing at the entrance, welcoming guests)
Cute kid clutching my coat from behind: Uncle, uncle, DJ kahan hain ?
(Before I knew it, she’s found the floor, which is already occupied with some 135 kids all dancing to Bidi.)
***
Wife: What does this “Bidi” song mean?
Me : Ah, you know, because it’s cold, you have to light a bidi and then your heart goes on fire.
Wife: then why is Saif telling Bipasha "padosi ke chulhe se aag lele" ?
Me: Er..
***
Meanwhile, SAJNA KE VAARI VAARI JAU MAIN blasting on the stereo
Me: What does “vaari vaari” mean ?
Delhi guy nearby: Oye yaar, like a girl telling her lover "main tujh pe maari maari"
Wife (also nearby): Oh, like you didn't know that, did you ? Hmpf.
***
Aye duniya ootpatanga, kitthe hath te kithe taanga, atte kukdi dendi baanga, ede chak de phattey. I think I’m getting it.
***
This smart and fair Delhi guy catches me and goes: "Acha haan, aap to Bambai se hain. Oye yaar, why don’t you shift to Delhi ? Tum log ki kuch life hi nahin hai. Subhe subhe uthke kaam pe bhaag jaate ho. Your houses are so dingy. Bahut chote hain yaar. Utne paise mein you can get a bangla in Delhi. Family ke liye time nahin, saath mein chai peene ki fursat nahin. Ha ha ha. You must shift to Delhi. Acha to chaliye, nice meeting you”.
Silence
***
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49 comments:
I haven't been to Delhi but the only thing good about Delhi is it's food, so I've heard.
The snippets you have posted endorse what I have been hearing about the rowdy behaviour and attitude of the loud Delhi-ites towards lawliness in general.
Not even the one with the dog with lightning bolts
I know why this one was dispproved, it would look funny, you wearing a tie with your bachban ka phootu on it. Jokes apart if there ever is a award for perseverance your wife will win it hands down for t-o-l-e-r-a-t-i-n-g you and puttin up with you. :D
But what absolutely made my day is the Jhoo bit. I tell you they should have left you in the jhoo ......LMAO!!
At the end of the day, for better or worse, by the same token, hopefully, I am liking very much your Dilly observations. I particularly like your noticing the odd signs on trees. Next time, get the number, call it and report.
Kusum - You must visit Delhi, its really a lovely city.
On the rowdy behaviour and all - well, I'd avoid generalisations here. I think there are a lot of really warm and nice people in Delhi - I met a lot of them in my stay and also happen to know a few.
As for the tie - HMPF ! You'd love it if you saw it.
They jhoo didn't have any place - you'd taken the last available cage. LOL !
Hey, thanks for the visit as always.
Dilip - Good to have you here !
Well, come to think of it, speaking straight from the heart, with all due respect and after considering all the considerations - thank you for your comment; and I will report on the anti-depressant if I get the chance. Love your despatches from the USA.
Reminded me of the Bombay vs. Delhi wars we used to have in college. Haven't been to Delhi, so this can't be a fair comment, but still, Bombay rules! The city will always be in my blood (at times, it literally has been!), wherever I go.
Homesick now for both the 'jhoo' and Juhu.
Bombay Addict - me loves it.. when some bombayite actually comes out of that closed shell and 'word of mouth' bias and tries to see what dilli really is (most bombayites can't think beyond a delhi/bombay debate where bombay obv wins - they dont realise most delhites dont even care for that debate :P :) )
the first description - it's all true.. the greenery, the wide roads, the lack of high rises (I so wish MPD didnt have that change now), the heritage..all this makes Delhi rather special.
Apart from the movies mentioned (yes Chashme Buddoor had Buddha Jayanti park in its shooting), there's this parimal movie - Chupke chupke which has some song sequences which were shot in the park next to my house!
Driving - it's become survival of the fittest unfortunately.
ppl do use "boss" but not as frequently. DJ's are almost a mandatory requirement in every function though i dont particularly ascribe to that idea. But then, dance nahi kiya toh kya kiya?! :p
At times it's good to just let ones hair down :).
Kusum you must visit Delhi. You would be pleasantly surprised. :)
It's not "DJ".
It's "DiJJay" :)
Bombay Addict Your story? Very interesting......
Shalom - I can understand the feeling, I've been in many of those kind of "wars", including one on this post as well ! Believe me, the city will always be in my blood also ! Thanks for the comment.
Twilight Fairy - That's just the point, isn't it ? I know what you're talking about. I've heard people oblivious to Delhi, and comfortable in the knowledge that Bombay is "better". I'm not sure its that clear-cut and simple.
The last one year has been a learning experience for me. Not so long ago - here in specific - I was furiously defending Bombay on all sorts of all things. While I still stick to what I said then, I think I've also seen a lot more Delhi since then. I really like the city.
Lucky you, that's a great area to stay in. Thank you for clarifying, I thought Chashme Buddoor was shot in Delhi. Superb movie, as was Chupke Chupke. Wouldn't miss either when its shown on TV.
DJs are really the done thing then ? Whoa ! yes, the dance is fun, I saw that myself this time. Thanks for the comment.
Anon1.41pm - thank you - I think that is indeed the way its supposed to be pronounced..lol..
Anon2.52pm - your story ? Interesting
I somehow enjoyed a lot the way your elder declared you 'Nalayak' for confusing between Juhu and Jhoo. Had a quiet laugh, which I really needed.
no one should be forming opinions without ever having experienced both..but then unfortunately most ppl do just that.
Chashme budoor was indeed shot here! I mentioned the name of a park also where Deepti Naval and Farukh sheikh are shown dating :).
I remember reading that post that you have linked. Was it on DP?
Mridula - Glad to have provided that laugh, and hope you get more of them. Thanks for the visit.
Twilight Fairy - I think I must visit that park, next time I'm there ! And yes, the final of that series was linked at DP. Thanks.
lol, dog with lightning bolts on d tail...n I thot my hubby had a weird sense of taste.
As per "padosi ke chule se aag" aieeoo; good one !
Arre what does the dilli ka chokra know about the joys of living in 2 x 4s n travelling by the locals and sharing a chana ka pudi and cutting chai with the machars.
Post some pics..but please not from the net. Ekdum voriginal ones .
Red - I wonder what'd be your reaction if your hubby chose the dog with lightning bolts on its tail ! Lol..
Very nice snapshot of life in Bombay, I must say !
And hey, sorry, I don't have any snaps, virginal (lol...which I think is the right pronounciation?!) or otherwise. Thanks as always for the visit !
Red would see red so to say if me hubby wore the kurta with teh kuthe ka bijli wali dum. N no the pronounciation is right...u know voriginal like in how the mallus and tambrams like to say it....voriginal.
No pics huh ! tsk tsk
@Twilight fairy: Hey! I sure hope to visit Delhi soon. And don't mind what I said, please. I have not formed an opinion, was just repeating what I have heard about Delhi all along :)
@Bombay Addict: No one said there are no warm and nice people in Delhi :P
About the tie bit, just because I love you peacock feather photu doesn't mean I will love your bachpan ka photu as well!
I have never been to Delhi so I counldn't have taken the last cage which again proves my contention _you_ must be left at the jhoo!!
Red - Voriginal, virginal..Lol..
Kusum - Somehow I'm too scared to wonder what your bachpan photu must have looked like..Lol.. and listen, you don't have to go to Delhi, you can be transported there. Lol again !
Hey, nice one BA! That Mumbai Delhi thingie is overdone. And the reason why Delhi has better infrastructure is because of the administration and the relative freedom it has, methinks.
Anyway I have always enjoyed Delhi. Been there a couple of times. It's just a very different way of life, that's all...
Hey Nandan - hope you're feeling better. It might be overdone, but every once in a while, it gets raked up ! Yup, it is really a different way of life. Thanks for the comment.
Excellent post. Enjoyed reading it thoroughly and had a good laugh on the tie DJ and the jhoo bits.
Mishti - thanks very much for the visit and the kind words.
REgistrat at my college used to say to us: "I vaant yoour varginals."
We young respectful callow students used to feel a little flustered.
Dilip - I think I'm flustered when I read that now !
This is duly added to the list, which reads as follows -
Vorginals
Virginals
Varginals
Hey whom r u gonna trust somebody named Dilip D'souza or one named as an purebred tambram iengar chick...its Voriginal and Red has the last word :)
I agree - Delhi is indeed beautiful and leafy - especially the area around Rajpath. And the wedding thing sounds familiar - all those nosey relatives telling you how their life is so much better than your's. Ah well !
how nice to see an unbiased bombay person's delhi post. :)
some people (mostly migrants from bombay or people who wish they were IN bombay) use boss. the rest use bhaiyya-ji.
the jhoo is actually very lovely--a nice place to walk and take in the winter sunshine.
oh, but one question: they DON'T have djs at receptions in bombay? what do people do then?
india's awesome, isn't it? :) i don't think any other country offers so many differences in its metros.
Ohh...and as for the Jhoo bit, if you were in Mumbai, though zoo would not have been an issue, Juhu would very well have been Zhuhoo. (thick Maharashtrian accent)..
Red - Its not somebody named Dilip D'Souza, but it is Dilip D'Souza. Just like now its no more someone named "An Iengar chick" but "A purebred tambram Iengar Chick"...lol !! how can we question your authority ?! I guess the people we met (who used virginal and varginal) weren't purebred at all ! Lol ! and hey, I will not question you any more, you want voriginal, you got voriginal !
Amodini - Leafy is an apt description, at least for the area I was staying in. It really was something. And well, we did encounter nosey relatives, but this dude came from nowhere and really got me with whatever he said. I had no answer at all ! Thanks for the visit and the comment.
eM - Thank you. Unbiased ? For some time we were trying to figure out how we could relocate to Delhi !
Yet, I'm hoping to get a chance to spend some time (as in chutti) in Delhi. There is so much to see, including the jhoo ("winter sunshine" has such a nice sound to it).
To answer your question - We have "sangeet" in Bombay. I have no idea about its traditional roots (if any), but its just one night when the to-be-wed couple invite all their friends for a night of loud music, booze and revelry, etc. Mostly, the parents stay out of this event. (Please note that this sangeet thing is not law. We didn't have it at our wedding, but almost every shaadi we've been to, we've been invited to such an event)
India is awesome and the metro experience is totally something else ! I was going to do a post on a recent, but very brief, visit to Chennai (another experience !), but couldn't get the time.
Btw, hope Bombay's taking good care of you ?
Thanks for the comment.
Nandan - Just like zero is "jhee-row" ? Or "busy" is "bee-jhee" ? Lol ! I hear you my friend !
See how we could use some adjectives and exotism to useful existence :)
Yes. Chashm-e-baddoor was shot in Delhi. Delhi University, North Campus.
Red - Excellent !
DB - Thank you for confirming that.
yes , Chasme Baddoor was shot in delhi
These are almost ALL the things I miss about Delhi! Very astute observations - and believe me the inane conversations with strangers at any party/ shaadi etc. go on and on and on.
Oh and just so you know Delhi-ites take road maps and plans very seriously - the Escorts A-Z book is a top seller each time it is revised/re-published - and everyone of every car driving age wants one - my cousin, my borther, my dad, my uncles. Yes, I do come from a wierd family!
I shall have to come back to your blog for more!
Abodh - Hey, thanks for that, and your visit.
30in2005 - Missing hometown, poor you !
On the road directions, well, I think I should carry one of those Escorts maps (I have seen the Bombay variants, although I'm not sure if they're half as popular here!) when I'm next in Delhi, because I've not had a great experience asking people for directions..yet nothing to crib about really.
Thank you for your visit !
LOL....well cant say its untrue!!!
Even these experiences of urs...any one who has been to delhi and doesnt really belong there, will relate to!
As for me, I belong to neither bombay nor delhi, and having lived in both for a considerable amount of time ( delhi currently), love bombay to death!
I'd trade in these big roads and food for thise dingy apartments for the freedom and spirit of Bombay!
Chandni - Thanks for the comment. In fact, I just had a debate with a few people who said the same thing (i.e. they'd gladly trade the roads, etc. of Delhi for the freedom of Bombay) as you did. Perhaps for some people, the choice is not as tough as I think it is !
Good One....keep posting .Dont u find them too rude.
@BA:Transported? So thats what they did to you? Tch tch tch.
@Dilip: A friend once told us about a meeting where they were discussing finances for a new project and a guy from one of the partner companies said
"The benchor capitalists from U.S will blah blah blah.. "
Everyone in the meeting was shocked till of course they realised he meant venture capitalists from U.S..
Anon at 6.17pm - Thanks, and no I didn't find anyone rude there !
Kusum - Lol.. forgot how you made it ? or did you disintegrate (Star Trek style) and then materialise inside a cage ?!
Dilli di yaad dila di yaar...specially the DJ description and the lyrics of the wierd songs! :-)
The i-man - thanks for the visit and comment !
Nu'anse - Thanks for the comment. I didn't look at it so much as him condemning a mumbaikars life..man, the guy just took me by surprise !! so I've never thought what I'd reply to him ! Lol..
I'm Rolling On The Floor Laughing!!!!! Awesome!!! No post entertained me as much as this one!!! Especially the DJ part...So true!!!
Delhiites(or We) love socializing. (I don't, Delhiites do!)
Really well written!!!
(Came across your blog, by chance)
@starry-eyed shruti - nice handle! Thanks very much for that generous comment!
Umm.. aren't all those songs written in amchi Mumbai though ? The Dilli-wallas are just following your lead ;)
Lekhni - thanks for the comment!
Bombay needs a new masterplan.
The statistics for Bombay are appauling at the least. Here are few of them:
-55% of the city's population live in slums.
-The cost of real estate is ridiculous given the fact that 300 MM people in India live below the poverty line.
-The quality and capacity of the infrastructure is far from optimal.
-Though certain forms of public transportation work reasonably efficiently, they are far from optimal - traveling on Bombay's suburban train system is a super-human experience - sweat, heat, no place to stand or sit, people hanging out of trains and sitting on top of them.
-80% of Bombay's sewage flows into the ocean untreated - that's roughly 1800 million litres of raw and untreated sewage. It brings to mind whether buy an expensive ocean facing apartment in Bombay is actually worth it? Also, it brings to mind whether one should eat fish caught of the coast of Bombay?
-Large parts of Bombay have no sidewalks so people end up walking on the roads.
-Traffic discipline is non-existent. Obtaining a driver's license is a matter of paying a bribe and hence there is no controlled process of learning for new drivers.
-Flooding in Bombay is almost a yearly event.
Bombay is unliveable. Unless one is wealthy enough to pay atleast Rs.10,000 to 15,000 per square foot for an apartment, Bombay is a very tough place to live. The rich that in Bombay have seceeded from India - they do not use the public transportation (buses, suburban trains), educate their children in expensive private schools (do not use public schools), and are not dependent on the government and municipal authorities most things with a few exceptions such as using the police and roads. The rich living in their bubbles do not have to deal with getting clean water on a daily basis, commuting to work like a can of sardines on the suburban trains, having to deal with the floods since they live in expensive homes that insulated from the flooding.
The middle class and the poor who comprise of the majority of Bombay's population are the ones that bear the brunt for the lack of proper infrastructure, the over capacity of the suburban trains, the almost ridiculous prices of real estate, the lack of a proper mechanism to deal with flooding, the lack of property sanitation such sewage and gargbage disposal systems, the lack of proper traffic management systems, etc.
The wealthly are thriving, but one only has to view the way the middle class and the poor live to realize that Bombay is crumbling - the right way to describe Bombay is "decay". Bombay is on a decline - it is decaying. It is probably amongst the worst places to live in India if one is in the middle class or poor.
How do we fix Bombay? For starters, FIX THE MASTERPLAN.
SOLUTION - Go vertical.
-Manageable blocks of three to five acres in Bombay have to grouped together and rebuilt.
-In order to incentivise the redevelopment, the FSIs must increase. It is preposterous that Bombay has an FSI of 1.0 or 1.33 given that the population of the city is closing on 20 MM and will be the second most populous city in the world by 2020.
-In order to avoid complications of utilizing the FSI for any particular 3 or 5 acre block, the entire block must be redeveloped at once in order to utilize its FSI.
-To manage the redevelopment properly, these blocks must have no height limits (must go vertical) and must have large set-backs. These set-backs will enabe the City of Bombay to lay urgently needed new and large sewage lines, new public transportation lines such as metros, sidewalks, etc.
-The 3 to 5 acre blocks, with the additional FSI must have part of the their total development potential allocated to public amenities such as either low-income housing, libraries, multi-level parking facilities, schools, markets, sewage treatment plants, sidewalks, etc.
-In order to deal with flooding, all new development in low-lying areas must be built atleast 1 to 2 meters above sea level. Over time, all roads, public utilties will also be built at 1 or 2 meters above sea level which deal Bombay's flooding problems.
-The proposed solution substantially increases density in Bombay but does so vertically. It increases open spaces by increased set-backs enabling Bombay to deal with its sewage, public transporation and infrastructure problems. Bombay will essentially become a lot like Manhattan where most people, irrespective of income level, use its higly dense public transportation to commute while having almost every possible public amenity in a 3-10 minute horizontal or vertical distance.
Please note that Bangalore and Chennai have new masterplans. The free FSI (without TDR, etc) are in the range of 2.5 to 3.75 depending upon the size of the road that the property abuts. Given its existing population and taking into consideration its future population, FSIs in Bombay must be in the 4.0 to 6.0 range depending on whether the 3 to 5 acre blocks abut large roads, or are a part of a financial district or residential district, etc.
Maybe the proposed solution above is not the most optimal, but one must keep in mind that irrespective of whether one agrees with the proposed solution above, Bombay needs a solution to fix its problems with infrastructure, sewage, cost of real estate, low-income housing, flooding and urban sprawl. If not, Bombay risks DECAYING into a very expesnive, low-density, sprawling city like Mexico city or Los Angeles. As it is, it takes 2 hours to get from Mulund to Nariman point or from Bandra to Navi Mumbai, just image what will happen to Bombay in 2020. People will have to commute large distances in narrow roads in over-capacity disfunctional public transporation while increasing pollution, traffic, etc. Quality of life will be miserable - far worse than what it is now.
Fix Bombay - let's start the discussion now!!
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