The Bad English Contest entries

A big thanks to everyone for participating in my contest. Here are the participants along with their entry/entries -

Sunshine: No one is not taking ur chalengge so myself thinks I can be able to give it try. I going to talking about the city I am. It called as Chennai. It have beach and it is both of hot and sultry. I wish it is more cleaner and the roads more better. Its raining for one week everyday now. I surprise the rain because normaly do not rain this month. Last year heavy rains flooded and roads are under water. I wish it don't rain like that current year. Myself not write Eglish not that better but I hope there are many worser then me. Please apologise.

Shruthi: Thanking you lot many times for good opportunity to be exposing my English. When myself am in the duty in my the office and I write the mails, all the peoples laughs on myself for my English. I telled them my English good but they still laughing. Only good peoples like you understanding and giving price for us. Ones myself starting blog and rude peoples coming and doing flame in my blog. If there is problem, peoples should be telling correct words, know? In staid they are uttering bad words. I was very much sad, and I was very much feared also. But I know, all are not the bad peoples. Some peoples good, like your kind self. Please to give me price. As return, I will be rolling my blog on you.

HP: I dont need to make a special post for this. My regular posts are more than enough for such competitions :-)

Kishor Cariappa: Sachin is the my favright batsmen. I love his phulls, kover derives and hucks. I shure he will going to complete maximum runs in one days and test krickets. I no like Sachin in advertizements. His phace is ok, but voice is too much of childishness of baby it it. There is reports of terrorist treat to him and hence the police of india are very strict with all the peoples of the country, including greg chappal. I have told my sones to phollow the sachin's idols.

Deepak Shenoy:
Entry 1 - U people R giving bad name with ur idiot contest for bad english...you have cut our nose I say. Our English has many local annotations because we are like that only otherwise how would we be. Whether we choose to write better, for what? For many Indians you know that black letter is like a buffalo, meaning is better in Hindi though in English its looking so foolish. But you know also no? It is not so much the reading, it is the comprehension. If you are comprehending the riting how difference it is from english of queen? You are knowing what I mean no? I am not seeing you but I know you are shaking your head up and down.

Entry 2 - Those britishers went off and left us with sorry and thank you. Their language is anyway not great, and even their football team steps on peoples private parts in public television. It is so painful and then we have to watch with our half-wife (ardhangani) who is not very happy that they are doing replay upon replay upon replay. But Indian women are not playing with us. They are not exposing to games like cricket at very young age, that is why they are exposing when they become older, like that rakhi sawant. Chee. In fact you should ask her to write in your contest, tho i think you will look only at her entry. Stop it. You all have become very mischivious.

M Rajshekhar: (Combining both) It was true. she did not love him. she never had. the very thought enraged him. as enraged as an alligator that lost its prey. and so, the alligator lost its targeted prey, a wildebeest as juicy as a lightly-braised tenderloin that had been marinated to perfection in a fine sauce of white wine, shallots, cloves, and then served with a helping of chateau merlot 1965, a year when the wines were drier than normal, to another alligator. the very thought drove it mad with anger.

Kaushik Gopalan:
Entry 1 - From seeing yore contest, I am thinking,thinking,thinking wether to be a competitioner or not to be. Like Shakespear has told, that is the question. On a hand, you might see fit to misunderestimate my completed knowledge of English if I take a part, on other hand I am wishing to win prize and feed more knowledge to my mind [1]. At one time I wonder of making participation despite of the risk involved, at other time my afraidness makes me shiver like I am in Artic sea. Since I am still thinking,thinking, thinking, I will appraise you of the situation after my decidation is finalled. [1] Like many historical people have told, books does to mind what rasmalais does to stomach, broaden it.

Entry 2 - It was a dark and stormy night and raw unbridled lust filled the air like agarbatti smoke. She was the typical Hollywood type, switching between marriage and divorce with a frequency that was the envy of the supercomputer industry. He was stuck in a bad marriage that offered as much happiness as a Weight watchers 1 1/2 point cereal bar. Their relationship was like one between an Egyptian plover and a crocodile, perfectly symbiotic. As they stepped towards each other with the measured steps of wresters who are ready for a bout, he realized that something was not right. That the situation was not as perfect as it had seemed when he was eyeing her heaving bosom like Vandana Luthra eyes an overweight person. He realized that he was incomplete, like Saqlain without his doosra. He realized that he had forgotten the Viagra.

Entry 3: Life is beautiful, like the wrath of a woman scorned. Life is like cud in a cow's mouth, it keeps going up and down, back and forth till it dissolves into nothingness. Life is like a round of golf, the journey is what matters, and the destination is just a hole in the ground. Life is like a really old TV, full of black and white and shades of grey. Life is a set of social mores, where more is less and less is more. Sometimes, life is like a queue in a public toilet, really long and full of crap. But mostly, life is beautiful. Protect your life, wear a helmet.

The Girl from Ipanema (all three seemed linked, so I'm posting as one entry)

You didn't told us what the gift will be for the winner. Coming from my side I think this is the funny idea. But certain peoples are getting their underwear into knotted structures about it. Like telling that it is snobbish and elliptist and all. People cannot keep serious in one side and joke in another. Each and everybody wants to say againast what another person has said and then wants to say that he only is intilgent. And to this they call debate febate. I think they are all mad only. But from compteesan side this is bit unbalanced. Because you know why, everybody can read other peoples answers before making theres. Your welcome thankyou. It is my sincere request to you respectedly to hand over prize here.

And my another complant being that certain peoples are breaking answer into many half half pieces and putting. I feel it so bad. That so much chitting is happening. I will not do same bad thing that others do. And Bombay addict sir, I think that you must make rules more strictly. Then only peoples will stand properly in line and wait. And tell only one thing one time. And keep quite. Otherwise you know, how peoples are these days. Howrats only.

And sorry first i didnt saw. you did tell about prize. i read half only and came fast fast to put my answer. it is my humble suggeshan only that you could prematurely and maturely close contest now. and hand over prize. because peoples will write all nonsense otherwise. that doesnt make any sense. and your only headache will start paining reading alls answers. afterwards dont tell.

Super Invisible Girl: This is a wonderous opportunity I'm getting to showcase my talent at english wordings which is not being my mother's tongue. I am being very good at romantic loving prose. There was this pleasant boy who I told to I'm loving so much he is causing my heart to gushing with blood. So I'm proposing to boy of my mother's and father's dreams but boy not accepting :-( In vengeance I'm Killing his cows and burning his hut He is now in hospital and I am hiding from police. :-) thanking you. please sir give me crossword voucher, jail is having no books to read.

Subbu: I am a plant eater. No mens or womens in my family are eating he-cows and she-cows. They are very scared. So we eating only trees and plants. But when I coming to usa all cows disappeared here. Many greens are there but no one eat them. All eating out places giving only animals and some leaves. But who can eat plain leaves without cooking ? I feeling sad. And more saddest news is dal price also increasing. We all must be going back home. Dal calls us. I coming soon.

Deepa: Bad English, I say is oxymoron..not moron, that is you when you believe politicians promises and put vote. But this oxymoron is two things which means same. I say English itself bad. So why to put English behind Bad? why write two times one meaning? I realise this from first, but leaders realise it now only like Buddha got idea suddenly. Realising, they change all English cities to Indian cities, like for example bombay, chennai etc etc. But India is still same. Why? Bharat makes nice sound, no? India is English for India. English earlier maybe very poor with saying our languages names, so, maybe said India. But now when they eat curry, I think they can say India name in India language. But maybe this is Americas conspiracy, they already spend money putting india in all papers to do deals...so they may not like typing all the papers new, saying bharat everywhere they say India. English bad, America more bad.

Shiv: Here is one, my school teacher used to say that "I have two daughters both are girls".

Kingsley: I am just founding this on my vebsite Putvote.com and I am feling very very very ashamed. You all are writing much much worst English than I be after trying for more than one month. Much shame is coming. Now I wills go avay and putting vote for this post. Please to be contacting me at kingsleyj@gmail.com. Wanting to talk vith you yabout something.

Sudha: Dear Mr. Bombay Addict. Thousand greetings. i sawing ur competition and within a minute seeing danger for next day. i will like to give u my thinking. i know u not wanting it but please to take it. writing in english will be good if topic of writing is good. same also for bad topic. so for prize in bad writing, peoples will write all bad topics that i cannot think of on days that i not have clean bath and not do prayer to god. also peoples writing bad topics will be buying books on bad topics with prize money u giving them. even crosswords having some very bad books that i not see without knowing. i take second bath that day and do second prayer that day. so please close competition before u not feeling bad about starting. i cannot tell to not read bad writing to u, but please respect our tradition and take bath and do prayer. then only read my writing. i only write good topic and good english. Your good thinking friend.

Chaitali Shah: I am the world more bestest the English writer. Such the competitions are the must for the inspiring the newcomings the writers. Topic: I, Me, Myself and mine. I am the borned in the Bombay in the year 1979s. I am the only the second daughter of both my mother and father. Now the Bombay I had once borned in is now the Mumbai. I had the eschool in the Bombay. I had big ben with to the eschool. I had many the friends. I had fewest the more bestest friends. I also had the ecollege in the Mumbai. I loved most the Bombay and not the Mumbai. But always its ok. I and my big ben loved horseback riding in eschool after on Sunday. My mother and father take me and my big ben to horseback riding and now no. Now I and my big ben are big girls. I love my families.

~*Sim*~: (Imagined response by a man to a shaadi.com posting.) Hellow sweet Ms. Preeti, Myself called as Raju, my pleasher to meet u. I am reading ur ad on the shaadi.com and getting very exited. U are matching all my martial needs. Also many other sweet pretty girls are not answering the my mails so I am having high hopes in your situation as I am only wanting girls of good background and pure culture only. Also on top of that ur good looks are very sweet and beautiful. Ur the wheatish complection is very nice nad sweet. I am now wanting to make the frandship with u and soon after be making u my first and only wife as per proper Hindu customs and good Indian culture, and also I am hoping to be having many children soon soon. Myself MBA pass, having good features and decent family, vegetarian 54 170 carrier oriented. And nowadays so many girls are wanting such boys of more better quality no? I sure u will like me.

So following that please to be reverting at ur earliest convenience Preeti. My esteemed fly will be waiting impatiently to meet u. My email id is shahrukh_lower_420@hotmail.com. Please Preeti u are my last hope u must write back or I will suicide maa kasam I'm telling u now only for once and all I cant sleep in the night I am spending very much time in deep sadeness and wanting good wife and good life. So please respond. Regards Raju

Sid: First of the all, myself the garma dharam(hoping that you gets joke. Pitashri priesting in temple so quoting me his dharm). I coming from the UP but lots peoples aksing " You the Bihar???" I feels at the 4 chambers of hearts. Lalu and the Bihar many kilometres different from me. Me like havafull rajdhani. He like Patna-Delhi passenger.I the emanated professor in biology. Walking, Talking the English, abling to entering this contest. He the farting in tabela variety. But me the detouring. Mr Bombay Dick, I telling my lady interest ki I entering your context. She asking if I winning, I take her foreign? Myself thinking of good chance so compochin this the bestest. I believing this to be my masterpeace. You should accepting my mastering peace and giving gud considering. You to be remebering my lady interest-ing and I to becoming your trusted. If not working then things turning to dangerous. So to be taking good care. --Emanated Professor in Biology seeking Lady interest.

Harish S.: The Matrix - A Revew. This movie it be one of my favorite.It has action like my hero Dharmendhar who also fly and escape any bullet which come my way.They have very cool name like Neo , Morphus and Trinty. . Morphus has deep voice and also speak very good dialoges by himself.My favourite dialogue is him saying do you eat red pill or will swallow blue pill to Neo. Morphus is so sofsticated and poise and panache but Neo look like he dont know what happening . Sometime I feel like getting up and kicking his mud head into sense. The movie I dont understood but action good ,so I see movie many many time.Agent Smith who is secret agent like James Bond but have no cool number like 007.I highly recomends movie for action liking peoples because action be made in Amrica studio and is very good.

Beachbong: This kid wants to get a shelf for his bedroom. My class in school has nice rack. I go to class tomorrow where I say towards madam, "You have nice rack. Can I put my book in rack. Also, me want to buy that rack and keep it next to bed. Thanku"

V. Prabhu: Do you know whay the English left India? Probably because Indians started speaking English!

Iyer Education (late, but still..): Dear Whomsoever It May Concern. I is going to talk about my late in putting this entry. Myself read this post on a Desipundit websight only on the Monday which is coming after 6 days of your posting date. Myself know that I not in voucher race but I like the invention so much that I give one try immediately. You know they say “Late came… correct came”. I got stuck up in submerging water and like they say “Water spread on all done and did”, the water rinsed away my chances of awarding this voucher. But I am happy to just contribution to this list and expect nothing. Like they say “Do the good and throw in the well”. Thanks you for this wonderfull opportunities. Yours Fatefully, Iyer Education

Thanks once again to all the participants. Also do read the comments on desipundit regarding this contest. I'll repeat what I've said there, i.e. - this was not an attempt to mock those who can't write English and definitely not an attempt to flaunt "superior education". If I gave that impression, I'm sorry.

Winners to be announced tomorrow.