I proud to be a CA

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a raging discussion going on Rashmi Bansal’s brilliant IIM-C blog. I’m a fan of Ms. Bansal and vociferously defend her right to express herself. In fact, inspired by her, I thought it’s a good time to look at my dear Institute of Chartered Accountants very own Bombay building.

• Non-aligned movement: For the uninitiated, be aware (ahem, ahem) that the ICAI wears its non-aligned status on its sleeve. Mr. CA (ICAI-Kanchipuram) is on par with Mr. CA (ICAI-Jhumri Talaiya) is on par with me (ICAI-Bombay). Yes, that’s right OneIndia, OneCA.
• Main ek clerk hoon: To remind us of our insignficance, us to-be CAs didn't have the luxury of being called "students". They called us an “article clerk”. Made me feel like the brooding patriot’s hero Manoj Kumar, in his completely underrated 1989 cult classic Clerk.
• Straight out of the Matrix: So in my "article clerk" days, ICAI-Bombay, Cuffe Parade was the nerve centre. The place to be in. The place where I got my “studymat”, my exam results, paid my fees, etc. Located in the posh and plush area of Cuffe Parade, the ICAI building was naturally devoid of lakes. What it did have were floors and floors of rooms all of which looked the same. I’m sure this was the original inspiration for the Keymaker+Morpheus+Neo scene in Matrix Reloaded , but let’s leave that for the historians.
• The Wailing Wall: Unfortunately, rather than inspire me, this place reminds me of the Wailing Wall. As the name implies, one often found clerks wailing and flailing after failing their exams. Yet-to-be confirmed statistics reveal that for every one clerk passing a CA exam, there are about 678 who failed.
• Barbarians at the gate: Results day – ah what fond memories. The articled clerks lining up against the gates, freedom-fighters looking to break the shackles of clerkdom and commence corporate life or start their CA practice. We’d all begin crowding around 8am (some even earlier), knowing that the results would be out anytime around 8.30-9am.
• You gotta fight for your right: Then, suddenly from nowhere, a bored peon (clerk?) would casually walk out with a bunch of wooden boards stuck with reams of the lists of people who had passed. The gates opened to tumultuous applause, sorry, absolute chaos. Each man and woman for himself, might is right and you better fight.
• Armpits and crotches: So there I was, with my head snuggled in someone’s armpit, elbow rooted in somebody else’s crotch, fighting and battling to see if I qualified for freedom. That was the absolute brilliance of the scheme. Your number was there only IF you passed. So you can imagine the desperation in people then to find their number in that unholy mess.
• Age no bar: Often we had senior citizens jostling in the crowd. Some were parents and some eager to check the result of their 545th attempt (no wonder the true full-form of CA is Come Again). I’ve also known people who have had to forsake years of their lives because they failed by one mark.
• The Architect: Why? Because someone, allegedly the Architect again, from the Matrix Reloaded, had ordained that to pass you needed to have a minimum of 40 marks per subject and 50% overall. However, overcome by guilt, the Architect also made a rule called “exemption” (i.e. don’t give the paper in the next attempt). For this, all you had to do was score 60 in that subject, and at least 30 in others. Thank God for tender mercies.
• The Final Verdict: So, finally I made it one day. I had passed both the groups at the Final level. That was that. For all my years of existence till then, my biggest achievement was being reduced to a one line output of a line-printer, which added the tag of “BOTH” to my name.
• Its exam time: Probably that entitles me to give the Institute some marks. So here goes. That Humbling Feeling – 59/100 (come on, it humbles rich, poor, Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Calcutta alike). Dazed and confused – 59/100. Aweome Architecture – 59/100 (I hear the Delhi building is impressive). Inspired and fired-up – 2/100. There you go. Failed. Next attempt. No exemption.